Broken
by Dee-vious Diva
Summary: Five years after New Moon and Edward saying goodbye and never coming back...Bella marries Jacob but things don’t end well. She ends up separated and feels broken. What can she do to glue the pieces of her life back together?
1. Waking Up

**A/N~ I own nothing to do with Twilight the series or the movie. I do love the characters though....**

**Leave me some love, in the way of reviews if you read this story...I want to know if it is worth exploring my daydream further...**

* * *

**Broken**

**Chapter One~ Waking Up**

**BPOV**

I always imagined my life playing out like a fairytale

Like Cinderella or Sleeping Beauty, I would find my prince; we'd marry and then live happily ever after.

Never did I imagine, that I would be caught up in a very different mythical world; a world of monsters and magic; a world of vampires and werewolves.

My life was anything but simple.

Unlike the fairytale princesses, I had been forced to accept truths, that were seemingly impossible. I had fallen in love with a vampire, and I had given up all my dreams and fairytale endings in the same day.

No matter how I tried to make everything work out, nothing had.

Edward, my first true love had left me. Discarded me and all my affections, like I had meant nothing. He had told me that he didn't want me; shattering my hopes of any sort of a happily ever after.

I had tried to move on after Edward and his family left; honestly, I tried. I threw every part I had left of my tattered heart into moving on and surviving.

After months of feeling completely numb, I slowly started to feel again. I slowly started to breathe again.

I was never quite the same, but I was at least functional.

Edward had promised, when he said goodbye, that I would forget…that I would move on; he obviously didn't know me as well as he thought he did. Moving on and forgetting were not part of my character.

Regardless, I threw myself into the art of surviving.

I had to try at least or I would surely wither and die. I would be the only thing in Forks that didn't thrive in the rain.

Years passed, and my pain started to dull.

I began college.

I started dating again.

I spent time with my friends.

Eventually, I found myself falling into the arms of, and in love with, my best friend Jacob , who just happened to be a werewolf and the mortal enemy of vampires.

The irony did not escape me.

Jake had been there for me, BE (Before Edward); and he was there to pick up the pieces of me that were left behind AE (after Edward).

Jake was always trying to lift my spirits and to make me smile.

He was my sunshine on a dreary day.

He was my best friend.

To me, Jake was nothing more though, and no matter how I wished I could love him---I could feel nothing beyond friendship.

Somewhere along the way though, I had let myself be convinced that I did in fact love Jake.

I had erred when I told him that I felt that way.

I knew too well how he felt. I knew how deeply he loved me.

Taking advantage of Jake's feelings was unforgivable.

Five years on and I still felt like a cad.

I had married Jake and promised to love him above all others…what a farce when I already loved another more than him.

We both knew it.

We both refused to speak his name or to mention the years that he had existed in our lives.

I tried my best to make things work with Jake.

We both deserved awards---given how hard we tried to make things work.

We even tried to have kids.

By some strange twist of fate I was unable to have Jake's child.

Lord knows we tried…more than the average couple. Three years on, and as many miscarriages later, and both Jake and I were miserable.

I knew I needed to cut him free. I needed to let him find the love, and family that he deserved; the family and love that I could never give him.

Lying in our bedroom; the air thick with humidity and unspoken words; I turned towards him, unable to hold back what I was feeling any longer.

"Jake. Are you still awake?" I asked quietly, my hand resting on his hot shoulder.

"Yeah Bells" he whispered, "What's up? What's on your mind?"

How well Jake could read me and my moods! Often he knew me better than I knew myself….

"Jake. I'm sorry…I can't...I can't do this anymore" I said quietly.

He sighed, as if he had been expecting the words I spoke. "I know Bells. I know." He said with a note of understanding in his voice.

Dammit! I wanted him to be angry, to curse at me, to call me names. Why couldn't Jacob Black ever be mad at me? I deserved his wrath.

"Jake…I'm s, s…sorry" I blubbered, tears spilling down my cheeks.

Suddenly I felt two strong arms envelop me and Jake's warm breath on my face as he reassured _me_. "Bells, don't apologize. I knew what I was doing when I fell in love with you. I knew what I was doing when I proposed. I knew what I was doing when I married you", he sighed then, "We were never meant to be Bella. I know that now. No matter how hard I loved you---no matter how hard I tried, we were never meant to be.

Jake released me from his embrace and rolled over and sitting up in bed, rubbed his hands through his hair. His face was pinched and pained in the moonlight that shone through our bedroom window.

I wanted to die for causing him so much pain.

This gorgeous, caring man beside me was hurting and it was all, my fault. I was the one who couldn't move on. I was the one who still held a torch for her first love. I was the one that gave this marriage the go ahead, and also gave it the kiss of death.

I hated myself for what I had done to Jake.

I did love him…in a way.

I just didn't love him enough.

I was too broken to love him the way he deserved.

I had hoped for years that Jake's love could glue me back together; but it had never been enough.

When Edward had left me in the forest, he had damaged me beyond repair. I could never love another like I loved him. I could never forget his cool touch or the odd warmth it bought to my skin.

Edward Cullen had broken my heart and my spirit; and without him, I could never be whole again…..

* * *

**Check out my other story on here, Finding Home...**

.net/s/5143099/1/Finding_Home


	2. Saying Goodbye

SM owns twilight...

* * *

**Chapter 2**

**Saying Goodbye**

**BPOV**

Jake and I talked some into the night; about how we were each to blame for where we were, this mess of a marriage we found ourselves in.

I didn't like that Jake felt any sort of responsibility for how things had ended up. I owed Jake my life in more ways than one; he had breathed life into me after the Cullen's deserted me. He had protected me from the psychotic red haired vampire Victoria, when she came to exact her revenge on me after Edward killed her mate, James.

Through every loss and pain I suffered--- Jake had provided the comfort and love that soothed me; he made me feel safe. Jake was the reason why I had kept putting one foot in front of the other and faced each new day.

Once I had given up trying to convince him that I was 100% to blame for our marriages demise; Jake decided to take a run to clear his mind.

No doubt he would phase into his wolf form and join the pack on one of their late night patrols around the La Push boundary. Even though no trace of any vampires had been found lately, the pack still protected their territory fiercely.

The run would give Jake a chance to share with the pack what had happened between us. They would help him deal with the hurt he was feeling, in ways that I could not. They really were like a family.

I tried in vain to sleep. Tossing and turning, the sheets becoming a tangled mess around my legs while my irritation grew. By 5am I gave up on the idea altogether, and instead went and curled up in our cozy little couch, watching TV.

I flicked through the channels and settled on watching Buffy. Nothing like watching vampires get stabbed with sharp pointy stakes, when you are busy making life altering decisions. I actually found the show funny--- knowing what I knew; no stake to the heart would kill a vampire. If Buffy met a real vampire…she would be toast.

When Jake got back from his run, his smile had returned. He snuggled up beside me on the couch and placed my hand in his, squeezing it gently. "Bells, I know you have to leave", he stated, before I had even had a chance to tell him of my decision.

"Please stay on more night. We can have a bonfire and catch up with all our family and friends. Not a big party or anything… just a small gathering of people who love you and want to wish you well, on your way."

"I'm going to miss you Jacob Black" I whispered as I placed my head on his shoulder.

"I'm going to miss you Bella Black" he whispered back before placing a kiss in my hair. "You need to do this though. I get that."

"How do you know me and what I need so well Jake?" I asked. It really amazed me how he could do that.

"Simple Bells" he answered and I could almost feel the smile in his voice, "you and I…we share a connection. We made a mistake when we tried to force it, to make it something deeper than what it was…but we do share a special bond. A bond, that will never be broken. No matter what."

"Jake…"

"Yeah Bells"

"I'm going to miss you." I felt the tears spill from my eyes and make their salty trails down my face, but I didn't try to hide them or wipe them away. These were tears that needed to be shed unhidden.

"I'll miss you too Bells" Jake aid softly as he tilted my chin and bought my face up to his. He kissed my cheeks, where my tears still lingered.

"You know I love you Jake…don't you?"

"And I love you Bells" he kissed me on the forehead and then slowly rose from the couch, grabbing my hand and dragging me up off the chair.

"Now come on" he said, "Let's enjoy our last day together. Not as husband and wife; just as Bella and Jake…best friends forever.

"That sounds perfect Jake."

ooOoo

We spent the day holding hands and talking. Jake helped me to pack my suitcase; cracking jokes just like old times. We smiled more in that day than we had done in the past 5 years.

We walked hand in hand to see Leah Clearwater, so that I could hand in my resignation letter; effective immediately. I had spent the past two years teaching children on the Reservation. Seeing as it was summer and school was out, she shouldn't have too much trouble replacing me before school resumed.

My resignation came as no surprise to her; being the only female wolf in the pack, Leah had already heard the news of Jakes' and my separation.

As the afternoon wore on I felt a dull ache begin to pulse in my chest. I was going to miss La Push and the little home I had made here. I was going to miss the extended family that had welcomed me, with open arms.

I had to leave though; despite the love that surrounded me, I was still lonely. If I stayed here in La Push or in Forks any longer I would be subjecting myself and all those around me, to watching me die a slow and painful death.

I needed to leave. I had no idea where I was going…just away from here and all the memories that haunted me. I would take the good memories with me in my heart no matter where I traveled, and hopefully I could escape some of the bad memories, simply by leaving.

The bonfire farewell was a fun night. I watched as the La Push boys mucked around having mock fights, wrestling matches and hot dog eating competitions. It was like old times… of the good variety.

Jake sat beside me, his arm around my shoulders, smiling and laughing. I knew then that he was going to be ok. We could go back to being friends, and Jake could eventually move on. I liked the thought of him with a wife and kids. Jake would make a great Dad.

The crowd dwindled as the night wore on, and the evening took on a more subdued tone. At around midnight I laid down beside the glowing embers, wrapped up in a blanket, and closed my eyes. Jake joined me, laying down behind me, his big left arm wrapped around my waist and his right arm acting like a pillow for my head. That was how we spent the rest of the night. Our final night together.

Jake rose early to take his place in the predawn patrol. We didn't say goodbye; that would have been too final; instead Jake scooped me up into a big bear hug, lifting my feet off the ground. "Love you Bells" he said placing a chaste kiss on my lips.

"Love you too Jake" I answered.

Releasing his grip and placing me gently back on the ground, Jake grabbed my left hand and held it to his face, his other hand cupping my cheek, "Go find your smile Bells". Then his fingers slowly slipped through my hand and he turned and ran off towards the forest, phasing into the big russet colored wolf form that I had grown so accustomed to. The site of Jake as a wolf never ceased to take my breath away.

I walked to our porch for the last time; grabbed my bags and packed them into the back of my old Chevy. Beside my truck, I bent down and picked a small bunch of the wildflowers that peppered the ground. Climbing into the cab, I placed the small posy of flowers beside me on the passenger seat and turned the key in the ignition.

I had one stop left before I could leave. I had to go and say goodbye to Charlie.

ooOoo

Laying the flowers down on Charlie's grave I kissed my fingers and placed them on his headstone. My fingers fell to the inscription; tracing the words that now summed up my Father's life and his death…

Charlie Swan

Police Chief and Loving Father to Bella

Tragically taken on the 10th of February 2009

~Gone Fishing~

I missed my Dad.

I blamed myself for his death.

If only I had been able to protect him. Charlie's funeral notice had stated that his death had been an accident. The Coroner had ruled his death the result of a bear attack--- but I knew better.

Charlie had been killed by a different sort of animal. A cold heartless bitch of a vampire, hell bent on revenge. Victoria had killed my father, not a bear. His death was not accidental, it was murder.

Just months after the Cullen's had left Forks, Victoria had returned and began stalking me. She somehow managed to slip through the packs defensive line one night and made her way to my house.

I wasn't there; Jake had insisted that I stay in La Push with him for my own protection, a decision that ultimately saved my life.

Charlie had been staying at the Reservation too, but had returned home to collect his fishing rod. He was in the wrong place at the wrong time. From what we gathered afterwards; Charlie had walked into the house to find Victoria going through my room; he confronted her and she killed him.

To cover her tracks she had dragged Charlie's lifeless body into the forest, to be found by some poor unsuspecting hiker.

I had collapsed when they told me Charlie was gone. Another piece of my already broken heart was lost that day.

Standing here, at his grave, I still felt the loss of my Father, like it was a gaping hole in my chest. I missed his smile. I missed our weird but comfortable silences and conversations. I missed seeing him sitting in his favorite old recliner--- beer in hand, watching a ball game on TV.

The only thing that bought me any comfort was that fact that the pack had quickly tracked Victoria down and had torn her to shreds. She was dead…justice had been served.

"I love you Dad" I whispered, kneeling on the damp grass.

Rising from the ground I brushed the grass and mud from my knees and headed back to my truck.

Driving past the Forks city limits sign; I found myself weeping, soft quiet tears. I was shedding tears of sadness and joy all at the same time.

Sadness for all the wonderful people and memories I was leaving behind; and happiness because I was going to chase after my one chance at a happy ending. After five years, I had finally found my backbone --- and now I was going to find the Cullen's.


	3. Searching

**SM owns everything Twilight...lucky bugger!**

**It's late at night here in Oz and I have just finished this Chapter. I will re-read it to make sure it makes sense tomorrow. Sorry if it doesn't...I blame my four kids and a serious lack of sleep,lol.**

**Reviews keep me going better than coffee....would love to hear from the readers that are lurking out there.**

**Oh and Ed is coming up...be patient with me :o)  
**

* * *

**Chapter 3 **

**Searching**

**BPOV**

Seriously….I didn't have a clue what I was doing, let alone having any remote idea as to where I was going.

Once the initial shock of leaving Forks and all I knew behind me had worn off; I pulled over on the side of the road. It was less than five minutes out of town. I dried my eyes on my shirt sleeve and started wondering, _Where the hell am I supposed to go from here_?

Clearly I had not thought this through very well…

How did one even start looking for a coven of vampires? I was pretty sure there was no vampire data base I could search. Not in any library I knew of anyhow.

The Cullens could seriously be anywhere. I had no idea where to even start looking.

The more I thought about it, the more hopeless this whole 'quest' of mine seemed. Maybe I was already doomed to fail in spectacular fashion. I was no stranger to failure….

I mean, I couldn't realistically spend the rest of my life searching the planet to find the Cullens could I? Nor could I expect to stumble upon them by merely driving from town to town and asking the locals... _Oh excuse me, could you please point me in the general direction of your resident vampires…._

It was times like this, as I sat lost and overwhelmed at the mere thought of what lay ahead of me; that I wished even harder than normal that my Dad was still around to talk to me, in his no nonsense way.

Police Chief, Charlie Swan would have known what to do and where to start searching; although given how he felt about Edward after he left me…he probably would have refused to help me find him anyhow.

Once I decided to stop over thinking everything, I decided to just do what I would usually do; if I was looking to locate any other 'normal' family.

K.I.S.S- Keep it simple stupid! I should start with the basics…

I drove until I found an internet café. After paying for a couple of hours worth of computer time, I grabbed a latte and pulled up a chair at one of the booths.

Mentally crossing my fingers, and saying a silent prayer- I pulled up the white pages and searched for all entries under the name Cullen.

Granted it seemed way too simple to be a plausible way of finding them, but I had to start somewhere.

Have I mentioned how terribly unimaginative I am?

My search revealed one thousand results in the USA. Refining the search down to Cullens with the first initial C (for Carlisle), I narrowed my search results down to one hundred. Next I decided to narrow down the list by choosing cities that were possible matches for the Cullen's unique needs.

Wherever they were it needed to have weather conditions that were favorable to a family of vampires who regularly ventured out in daylight hours, amongst human beings. Wherever they were it needed to be mostly overcast or rainy. It would also need to have a plentiful supply of wildlife to provide the Cullens with their 'special' dietary requirements.

_So…I was looking for somewhere cloudy for most of the year and with a National Park or two within a hundred mile radius._

Suddenly it felt like I was looking for a very small needle in a very large haystack.

I couldn't let myself be disheartened so easily though. I had to stay focused on my goal. I had to believe that fate would step in and lead me to where I most wanted to be…hopefully to exactly where I belonged.

Gulping down the last of my coffee I poured through the one hundred C. Cullens listed, and the addresses that accompanied their names and numbers. An hour later, I had narrowed my search down to 10 possibles.

I decided that the best plan of attack, would be ringing the ten numbers on my cell phone; hoping to whittle my search down even further.

But was I really prepared to talk to any of the Cullen family members over the phone, if they did happen to pick up?

No. What I wanted to say to them had to be said face to face.

After a few minutes of deliberation, I figured I could still ring the numbers and just hang up like some prank caller, if I did by some stroke of luck stumble upon the family I was looking for.

I began calling the numbers, working my way nervously through my list.

Several phone calls, and jut as many awkward conversations with strangers later…I had ruled out six out of the ten numbers on my list. The other four numbers had gone unanswered.

So, four possibilities still remained; one in Seattle, one in Portland, one in Vancouver and one in the Sunset District of San Francisco . At least they were all relatively close and within easy driving distance.

But could the Cullens have seriously been so close-by for the last five years? I always expected that they would have moved far, far away; maybe even overseas.

Was it really possible that they had been living just a few hours away from me all this time?

Well there was only one way to find out. Scribbling down the four remaining addresses on a napkin, I exited the café and hit the road again.

The search had officially entered stage two.

I had some leads, no matter how tenuous. Now I just hoped and prayed, that the information I had uncovered so easily actually led to something significant.

Only now was I finding myself considering the possibility, that even if the Cullens were still living in the country, they may have an unlisted number.

Shaking off the doubt and negativity that was starting to creep into my mind, I turned up the radio to serve as a distraction from my thoughts. The song that blared from the speakers stunned me; crooning away, in some sort of golden oldies flashback, was Harry Connick Jr.; the song was titled _Wink and a Smile_---it was from the movie soundtrack Sleepless in _Seattle_.

It had to be a sign! It had to be….please let it be a sign…

With a small smile on my face and a hopeful feeling in my heart, I pulled out from the café parking lot.

I was headed for Seattle…

While I was driving my mind began to wander and I found myself wondering if the Cullens had even thought about me in the past few years, like I had thought about them.

After they had left Forks, did they ever really think about me or care about how I was doing? Or had they simply forgotten about me and the short time that I was a part of their lives?

I couldn't help but contemplate whether or not Alice might have ever checked in on me from time to time using her 'talent'.

Did she still look for me in her visions, like she used to? Was she still looking out for me, even though her brother had stopped loving me?

Alice's friendship had seemed so genuine. Maybe she missed me as much as I missed her, and maybe she did still peek at my life from afar every now and then. If she did check in on me, perhaps I could get a message to her and let her know that I was looking for her and her family. Excited by the prospect, I quickly pulled my truck over and pulled the napkin with all the addresses written on it, out of my purse. I grabbed a pen and wrote above the addresses, in big bold letters…

_ALICE!!! I NEED YOU._

I had no idea how Alice's visions actually worked, or if you could send her messages this way; but I hoped it was the case.

Saying another small silent prayer for good measure…_Please Alice, please see this message and help me somehow! _I tucked the napkin into my pocket and pulled back out onto the road.

I knew trying to communicate with Alice was a long shot, but it was worth a try.

One Hundred or so miles, and a couple of Red Bulls and candy bars later, I found myself in Seattle. I stopped at a gas station on the outskirts of the city and bought a map of the local area.

It was times like these I wished I owned a GPS. I could barely find my way to the gas station bathroom-how was I going to fare around a city with hundreds of thousands of people? I had hardly left La Push or Forks in the past five years and I hadn't been in a city anywhere even close to this size since moving from Phoenix. The sheer thought of thousands of people bustling around the city streets, did little to calm my already tightly strung nerves.

By late afternoon, I had ended up down _way _too many dead end streets to keep count. Finally, I found the street and the address that I had been searching for.

Double checking and triple checking that I had the right address; I made my way nervously from the curb to the front door, my heart pounding loudly in my chest, in time with my strides.

Before I reached the top porch step, I had almost turned around and ran back to my truck several times.

All the possible ways I could again be rejected by this family had began to surface. But I couldn't turn back now, I had to know. I had to know if there was any chance, no matter how slim that I could be a part of their family…of their lives once more. Mustering the courage that had led me on this search in the first place, I raised my hand and rapped on the wooden door.

The moment the elderly woman cracked the door, I knew that I had the wrong place. My heart sank. The lovely old lady must have noticed the crestfallen expression on my face, because she invited me in and offered me a cup of tea. Her name was Christine Cullen and she really was a lovely grandmotherly type figure. I spent the next hour making small talk with her before apologizing for the intrusion, thanking her for her hospitality and climbing into my truck.

As soon as I closed the truck door behind me, I felt the tears of disappointment welling in my eyes.

I was no closer to finding Edward and his family than I had been a few days ago. Maybe this was all a hopeless and romantic idea.

No I could not think that way! I could not quit. I had not just given up on my marriage and packed up everything I owned to then give up on day one of my search!

Taking out my napkin, which was now slightly tattered from being handled so much. I crossed off the address on the top of the list.

Strike One.

With the last hint of sunlight slipping below the skyline, it was now officially night time. The streets were plunged into shadows and darkness, only to be illuminated by street lights scattered here and there. Shuddering with memories of monsters that could lurk in dark alleys and the recesses of the mind; monsters like Victoria. I revved my truck and began my search for a motel for the night. I suddenly felt the urgent need to get off the streets, of this unfamiliar city. I checked into the first motel I came across, it looked clean and affordable, so it met both of my prerequisites.

Settling into my room, I quickly texted Jake to tell him I was ok and where I was.

My stomach grumbling reminded me that I had failed to eat anything all day apart from a couple of Hershey's bars. I was starving and I needed to find somewhere to eat. Checking out the list of eateries that were listed in the local directory I found in my bedside dresser; I settled on a little diner only about a block away.

I quickly went through the motions of showering and dressing, before hitting the pavement and making my way quickly down the street.

Walking into the diner just a few minutes later, I was happy to see that it was mostly deserted. A few patrons sat in booths towards the back of the restaurant and a few more were seated at the counter. It was quite a quaint looking little place. The décor reminded me of the diner back home in Forks. I smiled recalling all the times that Charlie and I had eaten at that diner back in the early days. I still ordered berry cobbler whenever I found a diner where it graced the menu. It was a tradition that I liked to keep in memory of my Dad.

Making my way towards the counter, I noticed a petite woman sitting with her back to me. Her black hair spiked out in all different directions, making it look like she had just stuck her finger in a light socket and had received a nasty shock to make it stand out that way.

The way she sat on her stool kicking her legs in and out, in an almost childlike fashion, reminded me of Alice. How I missed her. I hoped that she has heard my silent plea.

Not that I knew how she could help me, short of coming to find me.

Sighing loudly, I began to slide into my seat at the counter beside the raven haired stranger, that so reminded me of Edward's hyperactive sister.

Suddenly the woman beside me twirled on her stool to face me. I gasped as I found myself staring into the golden eyes of Alice Cullen.

"You're late!" she scolded; then I watched as a wide smile broke across her face.

"Alice?" I whispered questioningly, before promptly passing out cold on the diner floor.


	4. A Reunion with Alice

**SM owns Twilight and is the creative genius behind all the characters.**

**This is a fairly short Chapter but I didn't want to get into the whole reunion bizzo too much in this Chapter or it would be HUGE. **

**Thanks to all those who have reviewed my story and who have added it to their Alerts or their fave stories!  
**

* * *

**Chapter 3 **

**A Reunion with Alice**

**BPOV**

As I regained consciousness, I heard Alice's musical voice, assuring someone that calling the paramedics was not necessary, that I was fine, and that I was prone to passing out.

_Gee thanks Alice! Sure it was true but she didn't have to tell every Tom, Dick and Harry that I had a history of passing out! _

_Besides...I hadn't passed out in years..._

Before I had a chance to move or open my eyes, I felt Alice's cool breath on my face followed by her whispered voice in my ear, "Bella, I know you're awake now. Open your eyes and get up off the floor….it's all dirty" she added. Even without having my eyes open, I could guess that her nose was wrinkled when she said the last few words.

"Hmpf" I huffed at her, as I opened my eyes. I poked out my tongue like some sort of childish reflex action at being teased. I was shocked when I found that Alice's face was still only inches from my own, and I had almost touched her cheek with the tip of my tongue. She quickly jumped back from me in a mixture of surprise and disgust, and I couldn't help but smirk. Serves her right for teasing me!

I started moving myself up off the floor, untangling my legs from each other and sitting up. Using a nearby stool to support my weight, I held onto its legs with both of my hands and started to claw my way up to the counter. The stool had other ideas though, and before I could reach a full standing position, it toppled over, crashing down on top of me and sending me sprawling back down onto the floor; this caused Alice to burst into a round of giggles.

"Oh Bella" she trilled, "You haven't changed a bit! You're as useless as ever!"

"Alice" I replied with some irritation leaking into my voice, "are you going to stand there and laugh at me, or are you going to help me up?" I cocked my eyebrows at her, and tried to look threatening, which was a lost cause for two reasons; one I still had a stool laying on top of me, looking completely ridiculous and; two because Alice was a vampire, I highly doubted any human could scare her, let alone a clumsy weakling like myself.

Alice extended her hand out towards me and effortlessly pulled me back onto my feet, into an embrace." Her cool arms were welcoming. I was so pleased to have her back in my life, that in that second I let go of the slight irritation I had been feeling towards her for laughing at me.

"It's so good to see you Alice." I whispered.

"Oh Bella" Alice replied, "I've missed you too!"

Alice loosened her hold on me and stepped back, looking me over. "You've gotten older" she teased with a smirk on her face.

"You haven't" I teased back.

The sound of her musical laughter at my comment reminded me of all the history that the two of us shared. I hadn't allowed myself to think about all the good times we had had together for so long; it had always hurt too much to remember Alice. She had left me, like Edward had…only Alice didn't even say goodbye. I knew that Edward had asked for her to leave without seeing me, he'd told me so, but it still hurt none the less.

As if we were on the same wavelength in that moment, Alice quietly pulled me back into another hug, "Bella…I'm sorry that we left you. I'm sorry that I never got a chance to say goodbye…I've thought about you every single day since we left. When we left…it felt like I had lost a sister." She sniffed loudly with emotion and I knew that if it was possible, her eyes would be filled with tears.

I felt the tears well in my own eyes and felt the dampness as they spilled down my cheeks. Alice words could have easily come from my mouth, they reflected my own feelings. I had become so close to her in the time that Edward and I were together, so close that I had also considered Alice to be like a sister…I loved her like family.

"Alice…did you ever…I mean did you ever look for me…you know in your visions?"

"Of course I did Bella. I thought that I could at least slyly check in on you from time to time and still keep my promise to Edward and leave you alone. But Bella…until today…I haven't been able to see you."

"What?" I blurted out with shock.

"I don't know why Bella, but for some reason my visions of you have been blocked for the past five years. It was like you had disappeared."

"So you don't know what I've been doing for the past five years?" I asked

"Not a thing Bella. We have so much catching up to do." She added with a smile. Alice was already planning one of our old girl gossip sessions…I could see it in her eyes and in that smile.

"Before we catch up, can I get something to eat? I'm starving." As if to confirm my words, my stomach let out a massive rumble, sending Alice into another fit of giggles.

"Exactly the same…"she muttered. "Come on, let's grab a table".

We sat in relative silence while I ate. Alice was no doubt just letting me fill my stomach before launching into her questioning. I couldn't help but wonder what she would think when she found out I had married Jacob. Not that I was ashamed that I had married Jake; it's just now that I was sitting opposite her, it made me feel like I had cheated on her brother or something; which was a crazy thought, seeing as he had left me, and his parting wish was for me to move on with my life.

Finishing off my burger, I wiped my mouth daintily with my napkin, took a long pull of soda from my glass and then sat back and let out a big belch.

"Classy!" Alice chuckled. "You done?"

"Yep. Where to now?" I asked; unsure of what we were going to do now that we had actually found each other. I was sure Alice would already know the answer to that question, thanks to her ability to see the future.

"Let's get you home Bella." Alice said rising from her seat.

"Home? Alice, I just found you. I...I wanted to see your family before I go home…" I was panicking now. I didn't want to go home, I wanted to go and find the rest of the Cullens.

"Bella calm down." Alice almost cooed, like she was calming an upset baby. "When I said home…I meant our home."

"Oh. I thought…" I trailed off.

"You thought I was going to send you away? " Alice finished my thought.

"Yes."

"No Bella, I wouldn't…I couldn't do that to you." Alice reassured me," and anyway I know what we have to do. I had a vision while you were eating, I saw you coming home with me. Come on, let's get out of here."

"Ok" I smiled, recovering quickly from my upset, now that I knew I was going to get to see the rest of the Cullen family.

"Let me just go back to my room and grab my stuff and I'll follow you in my truck." I said, as we stepped out of the diner and back out into the crisp night air.

"No Bella…you can't do that." Alice said with a commanding tone to her voice.

"What do you mean Alice?" My mind was racing trying to work out why I couldn't go and get my things. Everything I owned was back in that room, everything except what I was standing there in.

"You trust me…right? Alice asked.

"Of course I do Alice. I trust you with my life." I replied. I really did trust Alice she had never given me reason not to.

"Is it something you've seen, Alice? Is that why I can't go get my stuff?" I asked.

"Yes…but I'm not sure why yet. I just know that you have to leave everything behind. I'm sure it will make sense eventually, my visions usually do" she shrugged.

"We'll take my car. It's faster than your old pile of rust anyhow" she chuckled. "How have you even managed to keep it going?" she asked.

"Well, I know this great mechanic…" I replied my voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Oh, would that be that young Quileute guy that used to follow you around?" Um... Jacob? Was that his name?"

"Yes. Jake kept the truck running for me." I answered; now nervous at the direction I could see this conversation heading.

"What ever happened to him?" Alice asked, "Are you two still friends?"

"Yep, we're still friends…" I answered evasively.

"Bella"

"Yes?"

"What aren't you telling me? I can tell when you hold back you know, it's written all over your face. What is it about Jacob Black that you're not saying?"

"Well what would you like to discuss first Alice…The fact that Jacob morphs into a giant wolf; or that I'm married to him?"

I watched as Alice's eyes almost bugged out of her head. "You're…married?" she sounded like she was almost choking on the words as they escaped her throat. Apparently the thought of me being married trumped the thought of Jake turning into a wolf. I found that slightly amusing.

I grabbed Alice by the arm and gave her a little playful shake, trying to make light of how Alice was reacting to the confessions I had just made. "Where's your car Alice? I'll fill you in once I get out of the cold and defrost a little."

"You bet you will!" she exclaimed beside me, before dragging me off muttering something to herself that I couldn't make out properly.

I groaned openly, thinking about the lengthy discussion that lay ahead of me. Alice was going to grill me for answers, and I was sure that by the time she was through… she was going to make the Spanish Inquisition look like a bunch of Nancy boys.


	5. Catching up with the Cullens

Stephenie Meyer owns twilight...I don't.

Thanks to those who reviewed the last chapter! MWAH, to both icefang7 and rainbow645.

* * *

**Chapter 5 **

** Catching Up With the Cullens  
**

**BPOV**

Walking to Alice's car, I felt my nerves shift into hyper drive. I was dreading talking with Alice about the past five years. So much of the early days, after the Cullens had left consisted of dark days and nights, filled with a debilitating heartbreak. The thought of having to relive the memories that I had fought so hard to bury was making my chest ache already.

Alice must have noticed my pained expression. "Bella, I'm not going to interrogate you, I just want to know what you've been up to since…since we left."

"I know Alice" I sighed, "it's just that some of the things I am going to tell you…they are going to hurt to talk about."

"How so?" Alice asked.

"Alice a lot has happened in the past five years. I'll give you a recap of the best and worst bits but Alice…can you just let me get it all out before you ask me any questions. It's going to be hard for me and if you interrupt me…I might not be able to finish what I have to tell you."

"Ok Bella, I'll do my best not to interrupt you." Alice almost promised.

I took a deep breath and started off my recap, beginning with what happened five years ago…

"When you left Alice, when Edward told me he didn't love me anymore…"

I was cut off by Alice's loud hiss.

_So much for not being interrupted…_

I looked over and saw a murderous glare on her face which was illuminated only by the lights on the Porsche's dash. Alice's expression sent a chill down my spine. She looked scary.

"He said **WHAT**? What did my brother say to you?" her voice was shrill now and had gone up an octave or two; dogs everywhere were probably putting their paws over their ears to escape the high pitched noise.

I realized with surprise that Alice had not known until now, what Edward had told me in the forest. I couldn't help but wonder what he had told them he _had _said.

"Alice he…he told me…"

It was hurting to even say the words aloud. Five years on and I was just as crushed, "Edward told me that he didn't love me…that he didn't want me anymore."

"And you believed him?" Alice asked incredulously.

"Why wouldn't I? I could see it, when I looked in his eyes. Alice he meant it."

"Bella, I don't know why my moronic brother said the things he said to you…probably in some sort of attempt to protect you…but I can assure you, Edward is still crazy in love with you."

"As much as I'd like to believe that Alice…I can't." Edward was the only one who could tell me that he loved me, and have me believe it.

"Let's agree to disagree on that point for a moment, shall we" Alice replied. "Please continue I'm sorry I interrupted, you just caught me by surprise."

"After you all left, I was crushed. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep…I wanted to die just to escape the pain. Alice, when your family left …it broke me. I lost you all in one fail swoop, the life and future I had dreamt of…it evaporated in front of me."

"Oh Bella, what did we do to you? What did he do to you?" I heard the sadness in her voice; I hoped it wasn't just pity. I didn't want to be pitied.

"So eventually I started to heal…in a way. I started hanging out with Jake, he was good for me. He taught me how to smile again."

I smiled just with the thought of how Jake went to great lengths to cheer me up back then.

"We started hanging out and then eventually dating; you know the usual movies, dinners, walk on the beach. Then one night Jake got sick while we were on a date, he was burning up with a fever, so we ended the night early and he went back to La Push. I found out later, that that was the first night that Jake morphed into a wolf."

I looked over at Alice to see how she was coping with what I had told her so far, her face was like stone, giving nothing away, so I continued…

"Jake stayed away from me for a while, trying to protect me I guess"

"Sheesh, sounds familiar!" Alice said sourly, "Seems like you attract self sacrificing men like you attract danger"

"Alice…please…" I pleaded her to stop interrupting me.

"Oops. Sorry. Go on."

"So Jake was struggling with the idea of being a shape shifter and had been staying away from me…until one night a few weeks later. He turned up in the middle of the night an absolute mess, he was shaking and on edge, he looked like a junky that was in need of a fix. He tried to get me to guess what was going on with him. He'd already told me all the legends of his tribe, so it wasn't long before I worked out what had happened. I told him it didn't matter that he spent half his time as a gigantic shaggy wolf…and then we just went back to hanging out."

"What is it with you and your attraction to mythical creatures Bella?" Alice asked with some sort of irritation in her voice. Was she pissed because I had dated Jake or because he changed into a wolf? I wasn't sure which fact was annoying her more.

"Anyway…" I shot her an equally irritated look, "Life went back to some sort of normal for a while, until Victoria came back."

A loud growl ricocheted around the cars interior and Alice's knuckles tightened on the steering wheel. It looked like she might rip it off if she kept that grip up.

"For the love of god Alice! Can you please stop interrupting me?" I was really getting annoyed; she was making this harder with each interruption.

"I'm sorry Bella!" Alice almost yelled, "This is a lot to take in!"

I decided to just let the argument about interrupting drop and continued my story…

"Victoria came back; she was looking for me, some sort of revenge attack for Edward killing James. The pack and Jake, they kept a constant watch on me and held Victoria at bay for weeks. She didn't give up so easily though. One night, while I was staying out at La Push, she got through the packs defenses and went to my house."

I sucked in a deep breath and wiped the tears away that had started silently escaping. "…she…she killed my Dad."

Alice almost howled in pain beside me and I found myself reaching over to hold her arm in some sort of comforting gesture.

"Oh god Bella, I'm so sorry! Charlie…I can't believe it…I was so fond of him"

"I know you were Alice. Charlie really liked you too."

I couldn't dwell on this part of my story, so I kept talking.

"The pack tracked Victoria down and tore her apart and burnt the pieces. Charlie was buried in Forks cemetery a few days later; it was a beautiful clear day."

I looked out the window into the dark, my thoughts a million miles away, back to the day when I stood before my father's grave side, laying his fishing pole on top of his casket.

"After Charlie died, I sold the house and moved out to La Push to live with Jake and Billy. "When Jake proposed, he was only seventeen. We were still very young but our bond was deep, and pairing up at a young age isn't uncommon amongst the Quileute."

_Why was I explaining myself? _

We got married when Jake was just shy of nineteen. It was a beautiful ceremony Alice."

"I wish I could have been there Bella. Tell me about it?" she asked.

"We got married on First Beach at La Push, Billy and Renee walked me down the aisle in Charlie's absence. I wore a simple white spaghetti string dress, straight off the rack." I shot a glance at Alice and smiled, "How are you coping with the idea of me wearing something off the rack to my own wedding Alice?" I joked.

"I'll live" she sniffed before adding, "How is your Mother?"

"Renee is good. She's still married to Phil, they still live in Jacksonville. Phil coaches baseball at a high school there now. A couple of years ago they had a daughter, Peyton. She's gorgeous of course and keeps them crazy busy. We still catch up every now and then, but there is a distance between us since Charlie died. I think…I think that I remind her of him too much."

I could hear the sad tone that had crept into my voice while I was talking about the distance that had grown between my Mother and myself. We used to be the best of friends and now that was gone. I sniffed quietly and wiped at my eyes to clear the tears that clouded my vision. While my Mom and Charlie had never made their marriage work, she had still loved him. _Kind of like how Jake and I were when we were together_, I pondered.

"I carried a bouquet of fresh picked wildflowers from off the Reservation, we exchanged simple vows and the reception was a massive party. I was happy Alice…and I thought it would be enough." I took another big gulp working up the courage to continue. "Jake and I we tried to have children and I fell pregnant quickly but I lost the baby. We tried a couple more times until I couldn't handle the loss and heartache anymore. I think not being able to give Jake children; that was the last straw. I couldn't keep kidding myself that I was happy and that I was what was best for Jake. He deserved so much more. We tried for a while longer to make things work, but it didn't help. Which brings me to the present... Jake and I separated; just a day ago and I came to find your family."

"Not to sound rude or insensitive Bella but…why are you here?" Alice asked point blank.

"Alice, I am still in love with your brother. I still want to become a part of your family. I still want to be changed. I want more than anything in this world, to feel whole again and I can't do that without all of you."

There, I had said it; I had admitted my most secret hopes and fears to Alice.

I was nervous all of a sudden as the car descended into silence. I could hear the last few sentences I had just spoken echoing in my head and dreaded the rejection that might be about to crash down on me. Fearing that Alice was going to say something that would dash my hopes, I quickly asked her, "So what have you and your family been doing for the last five years?"

"Our life like always has been fairly repetitive for the most part. When we left Forks, we spent a few months in Denali, with another coven of vampires. The decision to leave was so sudden that we had to figure out where we would go next. Carlisle was offered many jobs and we settled on moving to Seattle. We stayed there for a couple of years, and then it was time to move on again. We moved only a few hours away to Portland and started all over again, new job, new school." Alice shrugged indicating that she was finished with her summary.

"Gee Alice, I would like you to have gone into a little more detail for me!" I said feeling slightly miffed that she had basically said nothing about the past five years of her life, nothing that was of any consequence anyway. I'm not sure what I was hoping for her to tell me, but I had been left feeling somewhat wanting.

"Wait...did you say you moved to Seattle and then to Portland?" I asked, my mind slowly catching up with what had just been said.

"Yes Bella. We were only a few hours away from you this whole time. You would have found us when you checked out that Portland address you have written down. I was just too impatient to wait for you to bumble around and find us" Alice teased.

"Bella" she added quietly, "none of us wanted to leave you and none of us wanted to be far away from you"

I shot Alice a questioning look, "I think Rose might disagree with you there."

"Ok, none of us bar Rose could stand the thought of being too far away from you. Even though we left you, you were always in our hearts and thoughts. We stayed close, so that you could find us if you ever had the urge. We even listed our number, something we never do any other time we relocate. Esme insisted that we do it, so that you would be able to find us easily if you needed us."

I was shocked to hear what Alice was saying. The Cullen family had made it as easy as possible for me to track them down if I wanted to. Alice had said that they had missed me. To hear that they returned some of my feelings of loss was comforting.

"Alice…does anyone know…that you're with me?" I asked nervously.

"No Bella, I didn't tell anyone, although Edward suspects I'm up to something, it's always a dead giveaway when I start keeping my visions from him."

"So they have no idea that…"

"That you're about to turn up on their doorstep? Alice finished my sentence. "Not a clue. You know how I like surprises." She smiled. "And before you start working yourself up into a knot about it…everyone is going to be happy to see you…even Rose believe it or not."

"Not" I replied. The thought of Rose ever being anything other than hateful towards me was a foreign concept.

"Well…we're about to find out. We're almost home."

"What? Alice we've barely been in the car for an hour, Portland is a two and a half hour drive from Seattle!"

"I may have broken the speed limit once or twice" Alice chuckled.

We pulled into a long bitumen drive and came to stop in front of a large white house, it reminded me of the Cullen's house back in Forks.

"Come on you" Alice said pulling me out the car noting my reluctance. She held her fingers up to her lips to indicate that I should be quiet. I guess if I talked the Cullens would hear me inside and Alice's surprise would be ruined.

Alice and I walked hand in hand up the front steps. I closed my eyes and said a small prayer and crossed my fingers for luck, before watching Alice turn the door handle and usher me inside. "Hey everyone, come into the lounge" Alice called out louder than was necessary for her vampire family to hear. "You'll never believe who's come to visit."

I watched as Esme first glided down the stairs. She gasped in shock before rushing down and wrapping her arms around me in a fierce hug. "Oh, my. I can't believe you're here, you're really here."

Carlisle entered the room next, no doubt emerging from his study where he had been pouring over medical journals. The smile that erupted on his face when he saw me was nothing short of brilliant. "Bella" he beamed "it is so good to see you". He swept forward and Esme surrendered me to him so that his cool arms could replace hers in a welcoming embrace.

Emmett and Rose entered from outside then, covered in grease; they must have been out in the garage working on their cars before we arrived. Emmett's booming laughter shattered the silence, "Yay Bella's back!" he bellowed before once again I was shoved into another hug, in some sort of weird version of pass the human parcel. Emmett rubbed my hair messing it up and chuckled, "Life is going to be so much more exciting, now that you're here. Look Rose…it's Bella!" Emmett spun me around to face Rose.

"I can see Emmett! Rose said sarcastically. I knew without doubt that Rose would not be looking for a hug. She surprised me though, by smiling and saying, "Long time no see Bella, you've changed."

Everyone in the room did a double take at Rose's almost friendly tone, including myself.

"What?" she asked innocently, taking in the shocked faces all pointed in her direction. "I can be civil you know." She huffed.

"Sure you can baby." Emmet dropped his hold on me and went over to Rose, wrapping his arms around her waist. "It's just…we're all a little shocked is all. It's no secret that Bella is not your favorite human on the planet.

"I'm trying to welcoming and friendly. I know I've never given Bella a real chance. I was trying to start of afresh." Rose was almost pouting now. I think she thought everyone doubted her sincerity and her ability to even give me a second chance. She wasn't far off the mark.

"Thanks Rose." I smiled warmly at her. "I hope that we can one day be close" I told her, really wishing it was a possibility.

She smiled back in a friendly enough manner, "Let's not expect miracles, Bella." The chuckle that accompanied her comment gave me some small hope that one day Rose and I would be friends.

Esme ushered me towards the lounge. "Come sit down Bella, you look exhausted."

How I had missed Esme and her mothering ways. "I am a little tired" I admitted.

Silence fell on the room as the Cullens exchanged knowing glances between each other; they were waiting for me to ask where the two missing family members were. I sighed and turned to Alice, "Where are Jasper and Edward?"

"They're out hunting Bella. They'll be back in a couple of hours."

"Oh" I managed to say in response. I was not looking forward to the wait in front of me.

"I'm going to send Jazz a coded message Bella on his cell phone, so that he doesn't come back to the house with Edward. The two of you need time to talk alone. As for the rest of us…we have some late night shopping to do. We'll need some food, to feed the hungry human and you'll need some clothes and other supplies seeing as we left everything back in Seattle in that motel room."

With murmured farewells and promises to chat more when they came back, everyone ghosted out of the front door, the door clicking shut softly behind them. I heard the soft purr of an engine being started and the slight revs as it pulled away. I was now sitting alone in the Cullen's house waiting for Edward to come home.

Within five minutes of sitting there, I was going stir crazy. I couldn't sit and wait like this for hours or I'd be a nervous wreck by the time Edward finally walked through the door. I began wandering from room to room, noting that the layout of the house was exactly the same as the house at Forks.

I climbed the staircase and with a deep breath I pushed open the door, to what I knew would be Edward's room. It looked almost the same as his bedroom in Forks had done five years ago; books and CD's lined one entire wall and a leather couch lay opposite. I made my way over to the couch, kicked off my shoes and laid down on its cool surface. I closed my eyes and breathed in the smells that surrounded me, the leather of the sofa, and the faintest hint of Edward's scent. It felt like home. I felt my fatigue wash over me and I surrendered to it, falling into a deep sleep.

* * *

Next Chapter~ Ed and Bella finally come face to face after five years apart...

What do you think of Rose being almost friendly to Bella?

BTW~ I chose the name Peyton for Renee's Daughters name because that is my oldest girls name. She is twilight mad!


	6. An Unexpected Surprise

**Twilight belongs to SM.**

**Thanks to those who reviewed my last chapter, it is nice to get feedback, it spurs me on.**

**Let me know what you think about Ed & Bella's reunion.**

**BTW~ This Chapter is from Ed's perspective...**

* * *

**Chapter 6 **

**An Unexpected Surprise**

**EPOV**

Rushing through the trees back home after hunting was always exhilarating. The sheer speed awakened every nerve in my body. Jazz and I were racing; the bet was childish to say the least, whoever lost had to spend the next hunt in one of Rose's outfits; a dress no less. What added to the bet was the fact that the loser would not only have to _borrow _and wear Rose's clothes without being caught, but they also would have to explain themselves to her and grovel for her forgiveness when returning the garment. Messing with Rose's clothes was dangerous but if they were Alice's clothes…it would be suicidal.

Making little bets and dares helped pass the time, which as a vampire was at our endless disposal; it also helped distract me for at least a small time from my thoughts of Bella.

I was streaking ahead of Jasper now, he seemed to be slowing; the house was only a mile away. I laughed out loud at the thought of Jasper losing the dare and having to don a dress of Rose's. I would have to have the camera ready…

"Jazz you are going to look so pretty" I chuckled over my shoulder.

I had this race almost won.

Suddenly Jasper stopped dead behind me. I froze too. Something must be wrong. Looking into Jasper's thoughts, I found that he was only checking a message from Alice on his cell. I breathed a sigh of relief. Holding my breath had become somewhat of a habit; an old human trait that I had reacquainted myself with in the early days of meeting Bella…mainly so that I didn't kill her.

_And there she was again…foremost in my thoughts. Who was I kidding? She was never out of my thoughts._ Every single memory, every single thought that flitted through my brain; I somehow managed to connect back to Isabella Swan.

God how I missed her!

I longed for her soft, warm touch. I wanted to smell the hint of strawberry shampoo that lingered in her mahogany hair. I wanted to breathe in her overwhelming scent. I wanted to lay with her in her bed and hold her while she slept.

I could have none of it though.

When I had left Bella, I truly had wished and hoped that she would move on from loving me. I often wondered about what she was doing now. Where did she live? Was she married? Did she have a family of her own?

So many questions, that I could never seek the answers too. I could not allow myself to check in on Bella, or the last five years would have been for nothing. If I knew that if I tracked Bella down again, I would never be strong enough to leave her, I would ruin whatever life that she had made.

I had to be strong, resolved, I could not let love rule my head; it had almost cost Bella her life too many times already, being close to me.

_No. Wherever she was now…she was better off._

Trying to shake off the memories that were plunging me into a fresh bout of melancholy I turned to Jasper, "So Jazz, what does the little woman want?"

"Ummm…I'm not sure." Jasper answered sounding like he was confused." Alice's message was a little cryptic, but I think I need to go meet her at store?" Jasper's answer seemed more like a question.

"Ha." I snorted with laughter, "Glad it's you that has to go shopping with her. Have fun with that."

"Gee thanks Edward…you're all heart." Jasper replied sarcastically, holding his hand over his heart for effect.

"So this means the dare is off I guess?"

"Yes. Thank god yes." Laughed Jasper, "Alice's call saved me from certain defeat and endless embarrassment."

"Saved by the bell hey Jazz" I laughed.

"Yeah." He smiled."Anyway I better get going and see what Alice is up to. See you later" Jasper turned and ran off towards whatever shopping centre Alice had messaged him about.

"See ya later Jazz" I called before heading off back in the direction of home.

My sister's obsession with shopping seemed to be getting out of hand. _I mean…who needed to go shopping late into the night anyhow? Why there were twenty- four hour shopping malls was beyond me, but maybe that was because I wasn't a shopaholic like Alice._

I slowed my run to a somewhat normal pace once I broke out of the cover of the trees, just incase any humans happened to spot me. Making my way across the yard quickly, I bounded up the porch steps and flung the door open. The moment I did, I was assaulted by the most alluring and familiar scent…our house smelled like Bella. I shook my head trying to snap myself out of my stupor. I must be imagining things; Bella could not possibly be here. Could a vampire go insane?

I listened for the sounds of my family but instead I heard the distinct thrumming of a human heartbeat. I knew that sound, I could pick that heartbeat out a room full of humans. Bella was here…somewhere in our house.

I followed the wonderful fragrant scent up the stairs to my bedroom door. Turning the handle, I pushed it open to find Bella asleep on my leather sofa. I staggered back a little in surprise, and felt my mind start to buzz with questions, one of them stood out above the others.

_Why was she here? _

I closed the small space between the couch and the door in a second. Falling to my knees beside the sleeping beauty before me, I drank her in with my eyes. Bella had changed a little, her face had thinned out and her hair was longer than I recalled, but otherwise she was much the same as I remembered. She was breathtaking.

A strand of hair lay across her cheek and before I could stop myself, I had picked it up gently in my fingers and tucked it back behind her right ear. That simple gesture reignited a desire in me, I felt the familiar tingle that Bella's touch gave me…I wanted to feel that more. I gingerly reached my index finger out and lightly traced the line of Bella's jaw, from her ear to her chin. She was so soft and warm.

My cold touch roused Bella slightly and she rolled over away from me, her left hand coming to rest under her chin. I couldn't help the hiss that escaped my lips. On Bella's ring finger lay a gold band etched with the most delicate looking flowers. My heart sank. _Bella was married. Of course she was... why wouldn't she be? She was beautiful and intelligent…of course someone else had seen that as I had, and had pursued her. It was what I had wanted for her wasn't it?_ Still, having it confirmed…was difficult. I wished so much that I could have given Bella all those human things that she deserved and now it looked as if someone else had. I felt hurt and jealous.

I watched as Bella's sleeping face crumpled into a frown and she opened her mouth and started to mutter. She still talked in her sleep! I was excited at the prospect of listening to her unguarded thoughts, so I sat silently with my hands by my sides, listening to her breathing and hoping that she would talk again.

About fifteen minutes later Bella started almost whimpering. "_Sorry Dad...I'm so sorry",_ she was sobbing and sounded so heartbroken. I couldn't sit there and listen to Bella have such a sorrow filled dream, I had to stop it. I considered waking her for a moment but then my selfish side kicked in and I dismissed the idea, instead I picked her up gently and held her in my arms and began humming her lullaby, she immediately sighed and buried her head into the crook of my neck, her arms tucked together into my chest. Holding Bella again…it felt like I was in heaven. I dropped my head down so that my nose was lost in the top of her hair. I breathed deeply over and over, relishing the scent that flooded my nose and throat.

"Edward?" I heard Bella whisper. I could tell by her breathing, that she was no longer sleep talking, she was awake.

"Bella" I whispered into the top of her head before planting a soft kiss into her hair.

Bella raised her head slowly and looked up into my eyes, her intense chocolate colored irises mesmerizing me. In that moment I forgot that she was married, I forgot that I had left her and told her I didn't love her anymore, I forgot the reasons why I had made the decision to leave her in the first place. None of it was important. The only thing I wanted to do was to feel her lips on mine. It wasn't even a want really but a desperate need. Fighting with my desires I gazed down at Bella's lips and watched as she licked them nervously and parted them slightly, something she used to do when she was waiting for me to kiss her.

I lost all sense of control over my emotions and desires and crushed my lips to hers. To hell with the consequences, she could slap me later if I had misread the desire in her eyes.

I was pleased when she returned my kiss eagerly. Her lips were soft and warm like I remembered. I felt her hands reach up into my hair and I moaned softly. I had imagined Bella touching me this way so many times but the real thing was so much better.

"Edward" Bella spoke my name against my lips and into my mouth.

I broke off the kiss immediately. "I'm sorry Bella, I shouldn't have done that." I was berating myself internally for letting my emotions go unchecked, while I was also busy celebrating the kiss that we had just shared. A familiar emotional internal tug of war had begun again inside me.

Bella was still cradled in my arms, looking up at me with a slightly sad expression. I wondered for about the millionth time since meeting her; _what was she thinking?_

Before I could apologize again, Bella reached her finger up and placed it over my mouth to quiet me. "Don't" she whispered, "Please don't ever say that you are sorry for kissing me."

She untangled herself out of my hold and stood up, crossing her arms in a defensive and protective stance. I realized then that apologizing for kissing her had been the wrong thing to do; Bella thought I was sorry that I had kissed her, but what I was really apologizing for was not making sure that it was what she had wanted first.

"Um…when did you get back?" she asked nervously changing the subject.

"A little while ago." I answered quietly."When I found you in here, you were having a bad dream. I didn't want to wake you so I…I held you instead, it seemed to help."

"Thank you Edward" Bella replied; looking nervously around the room before her eyes settled on the window behind me. _Why wouldn't she look at me?_

"Bella"

"Yes" she answered, her eyes still fixed past my gaze.

"Look at me" I almost pleaded.

Tears welled in Bella's eyes and I was undone, I rushed to her and held her in my arms. "Bella what is it? You know you can tell me anything." I was beginning to grow concerned.

Bella's arms wrapped around me and she clung to me like a life preserver, sobbing into my chest, salty tears soaking into my shirt. We stood like this for minutes, motionless, in each other's arms. When Bella's sobs stopped she sniffed loudly and chuckled.

"What?" I asked, slightly chuckling myself.

"What an interesting reunion. Mind you there has never been much conventional about us has there?" she sighed. "First I fall asleep in your room like some version of Goldilocks, and then I cry all over you, all before I've even said hi.

"Don't forget the kiss" I reminded her.

_I certainly couldn't or wouldn't forget the kiss…_

"Oh and by the way" I whispered in her ear. "Hi."

I felt Bella shudder in my arms as I whispered in her ear, that reaction excited me almost as much as our kiss had. Bella still responded to me in a way that made me believe that she still desired me.

"Hi, Edward" Bella mumbled into my chest, still holding on tight to me.

"Um…Bella" I said gently.

"Yeah"

"Not that I object to standing here forever holding you…but would you like to sit down and catch up?"

"Oh. Oh. Sorry" she blurted out clearly embarrassed, before dropping her arms from around me and stepping back.

This time it was my turn to put my fingers to her lips. "Shhh. Let's stop apologizing to each other, because I for one am not sorry or disappointed in our reunion."

"Ok." Bella replied quietly, her eyes cast down towards the floor.

"Come on. Let's go downstairs and talk."I guided Bella down the stairs, my hand resting on the small of her back. I couldn't stop my hands from reaching out for her; it was like now that I had felt her touch again, I had to have it.

Sitting in the living room on the couch, side by side slightly turned toward each other, with our knees touching; I asked the question that felt like it was scorching my brain. "So what brings you here?" I tried to sound casual but my question came out slightly strangled, giving away my nerves.

I watched as Bella frowned slightly, obviously deciding on what she wanted to say in answer to my question, then her frown disappeared and she opened her mouth to talk. "Edward…I'm here because…because…Iwantyou back." The last few words were so rushed that they ran together into a jumble of words that were hard to decipher.

"What?" I asked completely surprised by Bella's reply.

"Forget it! Pretend I didn't say anything. Pretend I didn't come back...I'm sorry this was a mistake."

I watched as Bella all but sprinted towards the front door.

_Shit!_ I was so out of practice dealing with my thoughts and emotions! I had just given a one word answer to Bella's admission of wanting me back; no doubt she had taken it as a rejection. I swiftly followed her out the door and caught up to her just a few steps down the drive. I snaked my arms around her waist, my chest flush against her back.

"Where do you think you're going?" I whispered hoarsely."Bella, you just shocked me…that's all."

I spun her around to face me and tilted her chin so that she was looking up into my eyes. "Isabella, you need to let a man soak in what you have just told him before you run off into the night."

Bella's eyes were swimming with tears. I watched as they tumbled down her face, leaving little wet trails in their wake. I cupped her face in my hands and rubbed her tears gently off her cheeks using my thumbs. I had caused this.

The words that I had longed to say to her, from the first moment I had found her in my room, burst from my mouth. "Bella, I love you."

Her eyes widened slightly before they closed, shutting me out. "You don't have to say that Edward" she whispered.

"Yes I do." I said slightly louder than was probably necessary. "Bella it is the truth. I love you. I have always loved you. I will _always_ love you."

Her eyes popped open and she was once again staring at me with her penetrating gaze, "Then why…"she trailed off as fresh tears appeared.

"Bella, I left you to protect you." I explained quietly, resting my forehead against hers."I never stopped loving you…you have to believe that."

She started chewing on her bottom lip, something that she did when considering something that had been said, to decide if she believed it or not. "Hmmm, Alice said it was something like that…"

"Alice? What does Alice have to do with anything?" I asked puzzled as to what part my sister had played in Bella's reappearance in my life.

"Alice is the one who bought me here. I was looking for you, for your family. Alice saw me in a vision and came and found me." Bella explained.

"Bella back in the house…you said you wanted me back. How could you mean that?" I gently clasped her left hand and lifted it to her face. "Bella…you're a married woman."

"Separated" she whispered looking at the wedding band on her hand.

"Why?" My question was barely audible.

I watched as Bella took a large gulp of air before answering the question that I knew held the power to heal my silent and lonely heart.

"Because it wasn't where I belong Edward. I belong here with you."


	7. Some Things Never Change

**SM owns Twilight ad all of the characters...lucky bugger!**

**Yes the next chapter is written already, I couldn't stop it from spilling from my fingertips. **

* * *

**Chapter 7 **

**Some Things Never Change**

**BPOV**

There I was standing in the Cullen's driveway in the pitch black of night after just declaring my love to Edward. I had just uttered the words that I believed with every fiber of my being. A belief that I had formed years ago when Edward and I had first discussed the fact that I knew he was a vampire.

I belonged with Edward. I had no doubt; there was no indecision…it was simply the truth, at least that's how I felt on my end.

Looking up into the golden eyes of the man that I loved, I couldn't help but worry that he would reject me again. Consciously I knew that he had just admitted to loving me, to only leaving me to protect me; but I still couldn't help but doubt his devotion to me to some degree.

Standing there in the dark watching the moon illuminate his beautiful face, I waited patiently for him to speak, to say something, anything. Edward had never looked more statuesque.

Finally he broke the silence between us, "I think…we should go inside out of the cold."

Touching my wedding band lightly with his finger he added quietly, "We have a lot to talk about."

Well that wasn't exactly the tension breaking line I was hoping for. I wanted to hear that he thought I belonged here with him too. I was now dreading the _talk _we were about to have.

"Yeah ok. It is a bit cold out here" I managed to reply.

I felt deflated. I had just bared my soul. I had stood there…a twenty three year old, married woman, declaring myself to a one hundred plus year old vampire, who spent his days posing as a seventeen year old human. The whole situation was so completely ridiculous. I would have laughed, if my whole future and happiness didn't depend on this reunion.

I began walking slowly towards the house, I was in no rush to have the conversation that I felt was coming. What use was it if Edward loved me, but if he didn't want to be with me like I wanted to be with him?

I was after forever and was prepared to accept nothing less.

Edward walked beside me, no doubt irritated by the slow speed at which he was being forced to move, his fingers interlaced with mine. Holding my hand was a gesture that comforted me in a small way, although I couldn't help but start to doubt how deep Edward's affections for me ran. He had told me that he left to protect me, and had also told me that he had always loved me, but he had left me before. What would prevent him from leaving me again, if he thought it was necessary?

The more I thought about all the 'ifs' and 'buts', the more depressed I felt. Suddenly the walk back to the house seemed like it was miles long.

We reached the porch and I stepped up into the halo of light that was being cast by the bulb hanging from the eave above me. Edward was on the step below me and he surprised me when he swiftly spun me around to face him. Given the height of the steps, I was now eye to eye with Edward and I felt his stare; as if his eyes were boring into my soul. I tried to hide the anxiety and fear that was bubbling away inside me.

"Bella." he breathed and I felt his cool sweet smelling breath on my face, "Can you please relax. I can see how worried you are…you don't need to be. I'm here, and I love you." He reached up to my face and softly rubbed at the crease that was perched snuggly between my eyebrows. "I've missed watching all your expressions" Edward sighed, "even the completely unnecessary ones."

He leaned in and planted a hungry kiss on my lips before pulling back, wearing that crooked grin that I had imagined thousands of times over the past five years. "Come on. Let's go inside before I forget that we need to talk and I just whisk you up to my room to ravage you instead."

"I'd be up for a little ravaging" I smiled; forgetting all my immediate doubts and just reveling at how easily we had slipped back into loving each other already.

"No. First we need to talk." Edward was once again touching my wedding band.

I sighed and grimaced, "Fine. Let's talk."

Edward laughed at my response, before lifting me up off the step and carrying me inside locked in a bear hug, his eyes never leaving mine.

When we were settled on the sofa sitting facing each other with our legs crossed, I began. "What did you want to talk about first?" I asked, although I already knew the answer; if Edward's eyes were anywhere but staring into my own…they were on the ring on my finger.

"This" he said, soflty turning the ring on my finger, "Tell me about this. About who put it on your finger. I want to know who you fell in love with Bella and why you are no longer together."

"Ok" I answered, my gaze now cast down at the ring on my finger as well. "After you left…Edward I was devastated. It took a long time for me to even think about moving on. I started hanging out with Jake." I paused, waiting for Edward to indicate that he knew who I was talking about.

"Jacob Black. The Quileute boy." He stated nodding."It makes sense. He was smitten with you even when we were together."

"Jake and I started out as friends but eventually…after everything that happened…after everything he did to protect me and comfort me after…" I trailed off not willing yet to move onto that part of my story. "I convinced myself that I was in love with him."

"What did you mean just now, when you said, everything he did to protect you and comfort you?" Edward asked curiously.

I already knew how Edward was going to react to what I was about to tell him; he would blame himself and he would be angry.

"Edward after you left…Victoria came back." I said hesitantly.

The growl that escaped Edward's throat was deafening and even though I had been expecting it, it made me jump a little in my seat. "Victoria came back?" he sounded like he was going to explode with anger.

"Yes, Edward. Victoria came back to kill me. She wanted revenge for you killing James, what she didn't know was that you had left me. She thought killing me would hurt you like you hurt her…mate for mate."

"So, me leaving…" he choked out, "It was all a waste. It didn't protect you at all. I left you unprotected and at Victoria's mercy."

"Stop blaming yourself and listen to the rest of what I have to say Edward. I was not left unprotected." I surprised myself with the level of calmness in my voice. Edward remained silent and let me continue. "Jake…well he found out that he…that he could protect me from Victoria because he…" I was finding it hard to say the words, to tell Edward that when he had left I moved on with another mythical creature.

"He was one of them wasn't he?" Edward asked. "One of the Protectors…a wolf."

"Yes." I was relieved that Edward already knew what I was finding so difficult to say.

"So your life was placed into the hands of a werewolf?" his voice was strained.

"A whole pack actually" I replied calmly, "And because of them, I'm alive." I would not allow Edward to speak negatively about the people that I loved, those that had risked their lives to protect me.

"I owe them my thanks, for protecting you." He muttered.

"No offense Edward but I don't think they'd value your thanks." I chuckled.

"Yeah, I guess being mortal enemies would detract from even my most sincere thank you." He chuckled with me.

"Yes and some of them like you even less because of what it did to me when you left." The moment the words had left my mouth I regretted them. I saw the pain that flashed across Edward's face and he dropped his face into his hands shaking his head. "What did I do to you Bella? I thought that you would forget me and move on…"

"Edward I understand why you did what you did. I don't agree with it for a second…but I understand. The thing is even though…you removed yourself from my life, took all the physical reminders of your existence, the CD, the photos…Edward the most powerful reminders of you...they weren't anything that could be taken. Your presence, your touch, your voice, your face, our precious moments together…they are etched on my heart, on my soul. I couldn't forget you…it would have been easier if you had asked me to forget to breathe."

Edward removed his hands from his face and looked up into my eyes again. "I underestimated how much you loved me." He said quietly, as if he had only just realized now how much I truly cared for him.

"Yes you did. Don't ever do that again." I whispered reaching out and tracing the line of his lips before continuing my tale.

"So, Jake and the pack protected me from Victoria's attempts to harm me for weeks, then one night she broke through their patrols and found her way to my house."

Edward gasped, "She got that close to harming you?"

"No Edward, I wasn't home. I was out at La Push." I watched as his posture relaxed, this was taking a toll on him hearing all of this news, and I was about to land another blow with my next revelation. "Edward, I wasn't home…but Charlie was. Edward…Victoria killed my Father."

With this news Edward sprang from the sofa and started pacing wildly, no longer could he stay silent and still beside me, "So she killed your Father!" he almost yelled.

"Yes. She killed him and then took off. The pack tracked her down and destroyed her." I explained.

"So she's dead?"

"Yes Edward, Victoria is gone. Now! Would you please stop pacing the living room floor and come and sit back down." I patted the space beside me playfully tying to lighten the mood.

"Sorry" he replied sitting back down beside me and taking my hand in his again. "I'm sorry about Charlie too…he was a good man."

"Yes he was" I said softly.

Edward toying with the ring on my finger reminded me of the things I still needed to say. "After Charlie was killed, I moved out to La Push and moved in with Jake and his Dad, Billy. Life settled down, there seemed to be no more danger and Jake and I got engaged and married in the years after that.

"Did he make you happy Bella?" Edward asked still staring at my wedding ring.

"Yes…and no. Jake tried with all his heart to love me Edward and I did love him back, just not in the way a wife should love her husband. I couldn't make things right with Jake, I couldn't forget you…"

"I really ruined your life didn't I?" he asked. "Despite my best intentions."

"No, you didn't' ruin my life Edward. I don't regret meeting you. I will never regret the way I feel for you and I already forgive you for leaving me. So...no more self loathing. Ok?"

Edward nodded. I continued where I had left off."Jake and I, we separated on friendly terms; he knows that I love him and that he is my best friend, he also knows that I love you and that _this_ is where I want to be."

"So he just let you go?" Edward asked.

"I was never his to begin with Edward." There was a deep truth to that statement and it hinted at what I hadn't said, "_I was never Jake's because I already belonged to someone else…Edward_."

"So I left La Push and I came searching for you and your family, Alice found me and bought me back here…the rest you know." I breathed a sigh of relief now that I had told Edward about the life I had lived for the past five years without him.

"So you're sure about this?" he asked quietly. "You're sure I'm what you want?"

"Edward you've always been what I have wanted" I said bumping my head into his shoulder in a mock head butt. Was he seriously still doubting my resolve? "I want to be with you forever Edward; I still want to join your family…I still want you to change me."

I watched as Edward's face hardened before me like quick set cement. "I can't do that Bella. As much as an eternity with you appeals to me, I will not end your life." His voice was indignant.

"Even if I want you too? Even if I want nothing more than to spend forever with you?" I asked incredulously.

"Please Bella…I can't." Edward pleaded with me to stop.

"No." I almost shouted dropping Edward's hand and standing up off the sofa."It's not that you can't do it Edward you could. You showed that you had enough control over your desire for my blood when James bit me in that ballet studio. You sucked the venom out of my bloodstream and you stopped yourself from killing me. It's not that you can't Edward…it's that you won't!" I was feeling angry and hurt, all I wanted, was to be with him forever and he was being stubborn over this one stupid point…keeping me human.

"I won't do it Bella. End of discussion." He stalked from the room, out the door.

I followed after him angrily; "It's not the end of anything Edward" I called as he continued to stalk off across the yard. "I didn't come here to have you say no so easily. I am twenty three years old Edward; the clock is ticking! Every day I get a little older looking and if you don't decide to change me soon…we won't be able to be a couple in public, we won't be able to be together." I was yelling now even though I knew he would hear me just fine across that distance if I whispered. I needed to get the emotion out of my system before I exploded.

"You won't budge me on this Bella" he called back before he disappeared into the trees.

"Oh yes I will," I whispered with a steely determination.

I just had to figure out how to change his mind…


	8. Making Plans

**Stephenie Meyer owns twilight...yadda yadda yadda...(yes I'm jealous,lol)**

**Thanks to those who reviewed my last chapters. I have made a special refernce for you icefang7 in this chapter, after your last review and your comment about Edward, lol.**

**I hope you enjoy this chapter, it's kind of one of those fill in ones, that you just have to have for the story to develop.**

* * *

**Chapter 8**

**Making Plans**

**BPOV**

When the rest of the Cullen family arrived home, I was still out on the porch, staring daggers at the patch of forest that Edward had disappeared into; my arms crossed tightly against my chest and my mind busy scheming up ways to convince Edward to change me. I wiped the look of disgust and anger off my face as best I could, replacing it with a false smile.

I couldn't be angry with Edward's family...It wasn't their fault that he was an idiot!

Alice bound out of the car before everyone else, a mixture of worry and anger playing on her face. "What on earth just happened? She shrilled.

"If you saw it all Alice…why do have to ask?" I snapped.

_So much for hiding my anger…_

"Because Bella…I want to hear what was said from you and not rely on some fuzzy vision" she snapped back, before gesturing toward the rest of her family, "And because no one else knows what the hell I am talking about."

"Did you talk to Edward Bella?" Esme asked innocently, sounding a little concerned as she approached me on the porch.

Obviously, I was failing miserably at hiding my irritation.

"Yes Esme, we talked." I muttered trying to keep the anger from seeping into my voice again.

"What happened Bella? Rose surprised me by asking. She almost looked concerned. I was still getting used to the idea of Rose even speaking to me, let alone showing any sort of concern for me. It was even harder to believe when my emotions were running so high.

I took a large swallow of air, resigning myself to the fact that I would have to explain what had happened between Edward and myself sooner or later. I knew from past experience, that nothing stayed private in the Cullen family for very long.

"We kissed. We talked. We argued…and then he left." I huffed at the end of my statement; blowing my fringe up into the air with my hot breath. I knew full well that I was throwing a tantrum like a child, but I couldn't stop myself or even find the will to try.

Emmett and Carlisle emerged from behind the trunk of the Mercedes then, laden with multiple grocery bags, brimming with fresh produce. Emmett burst out laughing when he caught sight of me, "Jeez, Bella, you look like you're about to jump up and down and have steam come out your ears. What did my brother do to you?"

Emmett's comments confirmed what I suspected… I looked like a big baby mid tantrum. I remembered back to all the times I had seen two year olds in shopping carts crying and holding their breath because their Mother had denied them something that they so desperately wanted; I kind of knew how they felt now.

I sighed before turning to Emmett, "Just the usual Emmett…you know refusing to turn me into a vampire."

"Oh" they all exclaimed at the same time.

"Yeah…Oh." I grumbled. Just hours after our reunion and Edward and I were right back to where we had left off…disagreeing about my mortality.

_Stupid, beautiful, stubborn vampire…_

"Let's go inside Isabella" Carlisle said in his soft, persuasive doctor voice. "We can talk more inside in comfort." Shooting a look toward the forest he added, "And it'll give you and Edward both a chance to cool down."

I was sure that Carlisle was sending Edward some sort of telepathic message as he stared out into the darkness. I wished Edward could hear my thoughts at that moment; he might just find himself scared of a human for the first time ever. Shooting one last dark look towards the forest of trees, I turned on my heel and walked through the front door.

Most of the Cullens were already inside, busy unpacking all of their recent purchases; although I still hadn't seen Jasper yet and I had been sure that Alice had said she was going to message him, so that he would meet them while they were out. I wondered where he was, and hoped he wasn't avoiding me. Alice was busy with a large pile of clothing that she had laid out on the floor, snipping swing tags from the array of garments. Just by glancing at them I could tell they were all expensive and that were all for me. I groaned at the sight.

"What?" Alice asked in mock shock. "Did you expect me to dress you in rags Bella?" she asked knowing full well what had made me groan out loud.

"No Alice" I moaned. I had hoped she wouldn't go overboard though. I had been kidding myself obviously.

"You're going to thank us for some of the things Rose and I picked out for you, you know Bella." A wicked glint appeared in Alice's eyes.

"Alice…what are you talking about?" I asked; worried that I was going to find myself dressed in skirts that were way too short for my liking, and tops that showed more cleavage than you saw in an issue of Hooters magazine.

"I'll leave them in your room and you can see for yourself later." Alice answered mysteriously before dashing up the stairs with the clothes.

"My room?" I asked looking puzzled at Esme who had just reappeared from unpacking groceries in the kitchen.

"Yes dear, we have a guest room all set up; it's yours for as long as you want." Esme smiled before adding, "Until you and Edward can get everything worked out."

I felt a small pang of pain, I had been looking forward to spending the night in Edward's arms like old times, but now I was too pissed to consider waiting for him in his room. I was grateful to hear that I would have a room to myself and be saved the discomfort of spending the night in Edward's room and on his sofa. I wondered if my room had a bed in it?

"Hello Bella." I heard Jasper's voice behind me and turned to watch him walking through the front door, stopping several feet away from me. I hadn't seen Jasper since the night of my eighteenth birthday; the night that he had tried to attack me. He looked worried, no doubt concerned about how I would react to his presence. I smiled across the room at him. "Oh Jazz," I said softly, "It's so good to see you."

Jasper looked surprised, "Really?"

"Um, Jazz, you can read people's emotions right?" I asked with a hint of teasing in my voice. "What am I feeling now…apart from being incredibly irritated with your brother?"

Jasper took a second to take in my emotions," Wow you're not kidding about being pissed at Edward. It's a good thing he took off, or you might be the first human to physically harm a vampire with their bare hands. You are beyond irritated Bella." He chuckled. "But" he continued in a more serious tone, "Mixed in with all your anger you're…you're…happy." He finished his appraisal of my emotional state.

"Yes Jazz, see… I really am happy to see you. Is it ok if I give you a hug?" I asked, holding my arms open to him.

"Yes Bella. My thirst is quite under control, these days." Jasper explained stepping forward into my embrace. It was nice to finally make amends with Jasper, after the way we had parted back in Forks. I had asked Alice to make sure that he knew that I wasn't upset with him at the time, but I was glad to have the chance now to personally make things right again between us.

"Bella?"

"Yes Jazz?"

"Can you promise me that you will please stay away from anything dangerous that might make you bleed while you're here?" Jasper teased, and I knew that we had finally put the unfortunate events of my birthday party behind us once and for all.

"Yeah, you know dangerous stuff… like paper" Emmett boomed, "We should hide the stationery, just in case Bella decides to live dangerously and write a letter or something" his familiar laughter echoed through the living room.

"Thanks Emmett for the vote of confidence" I muttered stepping out of Jasper's embrace. "Besides…I don't intend on remaining human long enough to tempt any of you into killing me."

"Yeah? Well don't count on that happening anytime soon" Emmet answered in a more serious tone of voice now, "For some reason Edward would rather you keep that heartbeat of yours." He shrugged as if he didn't understand Edward's point of view.

I was finding myself agreeing with Emmett. I didn't understand Edward's perspective at all.

Something I hadn't considered until that second was how everyone else felt about me joining their family. What if they didn't want me? "Um, you guys wouldn't mind if I joined your family…would you?" I asked before nervously sitting down on the couch waiting for their answers.

"I can't wait for you to be one of us" Alice chimed coming back down the stairs to join us. "Hopefully becoming a vampire will improve your taste in fashion." She added, looking me over disapprovingly. I poked my tongue out at her in reply, and she laughed.

"I already consider you part of the family" Esme said kindly.

"As do I" Carlisle added warmly.

"Rose. Emmett. Jasper…you haven't said anything…how do you feel about the idea of me joining your family?"

"I think it'll be a hoot having you around Bella" Emmet chuckled, "although I'll miss watching you falling over and hurting yourself all the time once you're not human anymore…vampires have a great centre of balance you know." He teased.

I rolled my eyes at Emmett and looked over to Jasper. "Jasper?" I prompted him to share his thoughts.

"I think it'll be great for you to join our family Bella. Edward's been alone for far too long and you make him happy." He smiled broadly then, "Plus…with you around Alice might drag _you_ off on some of her shopping holidays instead of me."

"Gee thanks Jazz! So let me get this straight… you just want me to become a vampire to save you from the torture of shopping?" I asked playfully.

"Oh absolutely Bella. I don't think you understand just how much I detest shopping." Jasper chuckled.

Alice pouted, "I thought you liked shopping with me Jazz."

"Oh I do Ali" he tried to placate Alice. "I just wouldn't mind sharing the fun around sometimes." He laughed and copped a punch to the arm courtesy of Alice, in response.

Rose was still standing in the living room deathly silent. I had to know just how far her new attitude towards me extended. "Rose?" I questioned.

She sighed softly before looking directly at me. "Do you really want to know what I think Bella?" she asked with a tone that told me I really probably didn't want to hear what she had to say.

I nodded my head to let her know that yes I did want to know what she thought, and to let me have it.

"I don't detest the idea of having you for a sister… we're not friends by any stretch, but I think maybe we would get along better once we were sisters. I can see how much my brother loves you and how the rest of my family feels about you too. I think that you would fit into our family well. Besides…" she added, "You must be ok…Emmett seems to be very fond of you, and I know he has great taste in women." She laughed.

"Thanks Rose." I replied with a slight chuckle. While she had admitted that she didn't really like me, she had also expressed a willingness for me to join her family. I was thankful for her honest answer.

"Thank you everyone" I said my eyes sweeping over the six vampires in front of me, "thank you for being so willing to accept me into your family, it means a lot to me." I stifled a yawn behind my hand. "Now all I have to do is convince Edward to change his mind somehow."

"Bella, you're exhausted" Esme spoke softly, rushing to my side, "Let me show you up to your room."

I bade everyone goodnight and drifted up the stairs behind Esme and Carlisle. Climbing the stairs, I watched as everyone below me settled themselves into various activities to pass the few remaining hours of darkness. Emmett and Rose began watching a movie, snuggling together on the large sofa, tangled in each other's arms. Alice was now sitting on Jasper's lap on the floor and they were busy whispering to each other. They all looked so perfect together, so content. They were partners in every sense of the word, they were equals; I wanted that for Edward and me, I wanted it so much that it hurt, and I knew that it was a connection that Edward and I could only share if I was to become a vampire.

I paused at the top step, my determination to change Edward's mind prompting me to say one final thing before I retired to my room, " If any of you happen to see Edward before I do…can you tell him that I'm not the same weak little teenager that he knew five years ago. Tell him he had better be ready, because I'm going to change his mind, or try my best to send him crazy in the process."

"See" Emmett boomed, "It is going to be so much more fun around here now Bella's back!"

I swear Rose groaned and muttered something under her breath at that comment. So…there was still a glimmer of the old Rose in her afterall.

"Night everyone" I smiled before continuing to follow Esme and Carlisle.

Carlisle said a quiet goodnight and retired to his office and Esme led me further up the hall to my room. It was massive, with wonderful plush gold carpet that felt so soft under my bare feet. Smack bang in the middle of the room was a king sized bed. It looked like the most comfortable looking thing I had ever seen. Esme pointed out the adjoining bathroom and supplied me with a large plush bath towel, before bidding me goodnight and closing the door behind her.

Walking over to the four poster bed I began picking through the clothes that Alice and Rose had bought back for me. Lord, some of the underwear was so tiny I doubted they would cover anything. This must have been what Alice meant when she said I would be thankful for some of the clothes that she and Rose had selected for me. I could definitely drive Edward half mad with desire wearing these, if nothing else. I pondered the idea of seducing Edward into changing me…although he had always shown such restraint in the bedroom.

Picking up the clothes and placing them gently onto a chair in the corner of the room I pulled off my jeans and top and slipped a blue silk nightdress over my head. Making my way into the bathroom, I decided I was too tired to shower; I'd have to clean up in the morning. I brushed my teeth thoroughly, then flicked off the lights and climbed into bed.

I fell asleep quickly, thoughts of how to convince Edward to change me, swirling through my mind.

I woke some time later, to the sensation of two cool arms wrapping around me. "Good morning Bella" Edward whispered, before softly kissing my ear lobe.

Before I answered, I considered carefully whether I should still show my irritation that I harbored, or whether I should kick plan "A" into immediate effect. I decided on the latter. Rolling over, I raised my face to his and wordlessly began kissing his lips with an intensity I didn't realize I possessed. Edward responded quickly, his hands began to roam my body and he hungrily returned my kiss.

Plan "A" was simplistic in nature…I was going to put all that lingerie that Alice had bought me to good use. I was going to try my hand at seducing Edward Cullen into submission.

Even if it didn't work, and he resisted my advances…at least it would be fun!


	9. Seducing Edward

**I sadly do not own twilight or any of the characters...Stephenie Meyer does.**

**This is only a short chapter. I had to get it out as it came to me, I suck at writing intimate type stuff of the physical kind,lol. **

**More to follow soon, Ed's perspective is coming up....**

* * *

**Chapter 9 **

**Seducing Edward**

**BPOV**

I felt such hope when Edward returned my kiss eagerly and with the same level of urgency that I felt.

When he slid his hands up my sides, bunching my nightdress up around my waist; my body shuddered in pleasure at his touch, and the promise of more. I felt my breath hitch with excitement, as Edward begun trailing hungry kisses down my neck making his way slowly down towards my erratically rising and falling chest.

I thought I might squeal in sheer anticipation when Edward positioned himself on top of me, pressing his body firmly against me. I could feel every inch of him and I could feel that he was just as aroused as I was.

My hands explored his cool, hard body through his clothing, caressing, scratching, tempting and teasing. Roughly pulling on his shirt; I opened the front of it exposing his chest, and allowing my fingertips access to his bare skin. I was pleased when I heard the deep growl of desire that Edward stifled into the side of my neck, before lifting his head and finding my lips once again. Our kisses were even more intense than I remembered, I found myself breathing raggedly into his mouth, unwilling to break away to catch my breath. Edward's lips tasted so sweet, I found myself licking and sucking at them to lap up the venom that flowed from his mouth. He tasted delicious, and I wanted more, to taste more, to touch more.

When he began fisting the hem of my nightdress, my heart rate sky rocketed and I moaned his name in pleasure. I wanted him to rip the damn thing off me and make love to me.

I was disappointed however to find that Edward's ability to throw a cold bucket of water on our bedroom antics, in order to prevent himself from going too far, had not diminished over the past few years.

_Damn chivalrous vampire! _

Just when I had begun to think and hope that I had some chance of finally experiencing true intimacy with him, Edward had frozen stiff… like ice. I sighed in defeat as he rolled off me and sat up on the edge of the bed running his fingers through that sexy hair of his. _ I wanted him to run those fingers all over me not through his damned hair!_

"Bella, we can't do this" he whispered hoarsely. I was pleased to hear that despite the fact that he had withdrawn from my touch, that it had obviously affected him so much. I could hear the longing in his voice; he wanted me as much as I wanted him.

"Sure we can Edward" I whispered. I was hoping I sounded seductive, I was not all that well practiced at putting on a bedroom voice.

Sitting up behind Edward on the bed, I pressed my breasts to his back and peppered small firm kisses over the exposed parts of his neck and shoulders, working my way up to his ear, sucking and kissing the lobe before whispering, "Lay back down and let me show you what we can do together. Let me show you how much I love you and how we are meant to be together, how we were made for each other."

When Edward turned his head and kissed me in response, I felt a spark of hope flicker inside me, only to have it extinguished completely when he broke away from me and stood up, away from the bed.

"No Bella, we can't" he said seriously. "I could hurt you. I might lose control."

"I have a solution for that you know" I said matter-of-factly.

"Bella, please don't start that again" his voice was cold and distant again.

When Edward was in a mood like this, he may as well be a million miles away. I felt the warm and loving feeling of the past few minutes ebb away to be replaced by my earlier irritation. I missed the passion and heat that I had just felt and I longed for its return. I didn't want to argue with Edward again about this so soon. What I really wanted was for him to stop being so damned unreasonable and just give in already!

"Why can't you just bite me and be done with it Edward?" I almost snapped at him. "We could be together…forever. We could spend our nights pleasing each other, and you wouldn't have to stop for fear of hurting me. I don't understand why you won't just change me!" Frustration and hurt crept into my voice as hot tears threatened to spill from my eyes.

"I won't steal your life, or your soul. Bella! It's not as simple as just biting you and, voila you're a vampire you know." His tone sounded slightly condescending now, adding to my anger.

"I know it hurts Edward" I extended my arm, wrist up toward him, my scar just visible to my eyes in the dull, dawn lit room. "I've been bitten by a vampire before remember?"

Edward stepped closer and took my hand in his; his expression softened as he touched the scar on my wrist, lightly tracing his fingers over the crescent moon shape that James' bite had forever marked me with. "I remember" he whispered into my wrist as he softly kissed his lips to my scar, "How could I ever forget…"

"Edward please…" I seemed to have abandoned all attempts at persuasion now and had instead opted to start begging for him to change his mind.

"Bella…don't ask me to do something that I cannot do" he pleaded. "I want nothing more than to spend all of eternity with you, to make love to you, rather than stopping whenever things start to feel too good. This isn't an easy decision for me either you know…but it is the right one. I cannot change you."

"So… what? Where does that leave us Edward?" I demanded to know where he thought his decision left our future.

"We can still be together Bella. We can still love each other." His voice betrayed him though, it sounded slightly strained.

"For how long Edward? I'm getting older and you're not; time is not our ally here. I can't be some middle aged woman dating someone who looks like they're seventeen. I can't be an old woman, holding the hand of a young man who looks like he's my grandson."

I sat back on the bed pulling my arm back away from Edward's touch; I could not be so close to him for what I was about to say. "If you can't change me Edward… I don't see how we can be together."

"Bella, why can't you be content to just be with me like this" he gestured between us.

"It's not enough Edward. A few more years of _this_… of us…it's not enough. I want forever" I said feeling sad at the thought of having a deadline looming over our heads.

"Bella" Edward whispered climbing across the bed to reach me. "Don't you dare think about ending what we have because I won't change you. You've only just come back into my life and I won't let you leave me so easily" he whispered a note of warning to his voice. "If you leave me Bella, I will follow you…forever, until the day you take your last breath. I'm never leaving you again. I want to love you for as long as time allows us."

The intensity of his words left me with no doubt that Edward meant every word of what he had just said.

"Well if you want to practice following me right now…I'm going to go and take a shower" I said suggestively trying to lighten the mood and forget the expiration date that Edward's refusal to change me had stamped on our relationship. Plus, a shower with Edward sounded heavenly all that hot water in juxtaposition to the cold touch of his skin; I had goosebumps just thinking about it.

Leaning in Edward kissing me thoroughly before pulling back and chuckling, "You Bella, are far too tempting for your own good, now stop trying to seduce me and go have your shower."

"Yeah, yeah. I'll go shower…it'll probably be a cold one, given how I'm feeling at the moment." I muttered, fanning myself with my hand.

"Good. I'll go get some breakfast started for you." Edward bound off the bed, all traces of the tension between us forgotten for the moment. "What can I tempt you with?" he asked innocently.

"Apart from your body?"

"Bella, must you always have such a one track, filthy little human mind?" Edward scolded me.

"Bite me." I replied with a smile.

"You wish." Edward replied, teasingly.

"Yes, yes I do." I said quietly; before kissing him chastely on the lips and padding off to the bathroom to shower.


	10. An Intervention

**SM owns twilight...damn it!  
**

**This Chapter is from Ed's point of view. He is such a poor confused vampire,lol. Don't you just wish you could slap some sense into him and then kiss him better? Maybe that's just me,lol.**

* * *

**Chapter 10 **

**An Intervention~ Vampire Style**

**EPOV**

I watched as Bella slipped into the bathroom, closing the door behind her; the memory of the touches we had just shared, still lingering in my mind, just as the warmth of her body lingered on my usually cold skin.

I wished with all of my being that we could have what Bella longed for. Forever with her sounded like my own personal version of heaven. I often thought about how wonderful it would be to be able to love Bella for all of eternity, never having to worry about hurting her or her hurting herself again. I wished for the realization of my daydreams, where I could abandon the self imposed shackles of restraint, and just make love to her the way I had imagined so many times.

It would be too selfish though to risk Bella's life to make her mine; there were so many things that troubled me whenever I thought about Bella becoming a vampire.

She was confident that I would be able to change her with complete control and without putting her life in any danger. I thought it was over confidence in me on her part. Just because I had been able to save her from James and his venom, did not make me infallible. I held some concern that if I did taste Bella's blood again, I may not be able to stop myself from draining her completely.

No matter how I loved Bella, part of me was still animalistic, wild, untamed and consumed by her scent. I had learned to hide this side of my nature so well around Bella, that she seemed to now think that I was immune to the draw of her blood. She seemed to almost forget what I was, but it was something that was never far from my mind. I was a monster; there was no escaping that truth.

Even if I could control myself and manage to not kill Bella, there were other things to consider. I could not bear the thought of inflicting pain on her. The transition from human to vampire was not a pleasant one, she would be in immense pain for days, and I would have to watch as _my_ venom ravaged her insides and stilled her heart. It sounded torturous, no matter what the end result.

Another hurdle that prevented me from just reaching out and tearing Bella's soft flesh and loosing my venom on her, was the spiritual ramifications. I was worried for Bella's soul, I wished to preserve it above all else. This was the flimsiest of my arguments though, I didn't even really know if I believed changing her would rob her of her soul or not.

Lastly, and my biggest reason; one that I had not shared with anyone was my fear, the absolute crippling thought that Bella might despise me if I changed her. What would happen if I changed her, only for her to discover that she did not feel for me, the way she had thought; and that I had trapped her for an eternity, in a life that she no longer wished for? My fear was the most powerful reason for me keeping Bella human. Her possible rejection and regret would destroy me.

It was an impossible situation to be in. No matter what I did, I felt like I was doomed.

Each time Bella asked me to change her, it crushed me a little more. I knew that there was only one thing getting in the way of what she thought she wanted and that was me.

Sighing deeply, I made my way downstairs to cook breakfast for my beautiful, vibrant, feisty and very much alive human girlfriend. I had to hope that things would work out the way they were meant to. I had to believe that I was making the right decision. I would have to find Alice later and ask her what her visions had foreseen.

Pushing thoughts of our future away for a moment, I focused on cooking up a small feast for Bella. The awful human food didn't look or smell very appetizing to me, but I knew Bella would enjoy the egg white omelet and fresh squeezed juice that I made her.

I watched as she drifted down from her shower, her hair still damp and loose, she was dressed in a deep blue sundress that accentuated her pale skin perfectly. "Breakfast awaits" I bowed and placed her omelet and juice on the table.

"Thanks" she smiled meekly before sitting down and beginning to eat. I chuckled when she finished eating and sat back in her chair and rubbed her belly to show that she was satisfied. God how I loved this human!

"So…what would you like to do today Bella?" I asked, while considering the things we could do outdoors together, given the perfect cloudy weather outside.

"Well I don't mean to sound like a nagging girlfriend" she smiled wickedly, "but I was kind of hoping you'd changed your mind in the last few minutes and that today you could just bite me?"

"Damn it Bella!" I yelled jumping up from the table, finally losing my temper with her persistent pleas. "Quit asking me to bite you! It is NOT going to happen, get that through your skull."

"No" she replied firmly, "You get this through _your_ thick vampire skull Edward, I _want _you to change me. I want to become like you. I want you to stop fobbing me off with shitty excuses about my soul. What good is a human soul when it is broken and lonely? Tell me…what is the use of a half life as a human, when I can have a full life as a vampire with you?"

Her face was flushed bright red and I could hear her heart thumping wildly. "Listen to what I am telling you Edward. We can pretend like we did earlier this morning all we like…for a while anyway, but it can't last. If you would just wake up to yourself and bite me already, we could pull this off. You and I… we look close enough in age at the moment that we could make it work. You could pass for being twenty years old and so can I. We could make a life Edward. We could have a future. What the hell about that is so difficult for you to comprehend?"

"STOP!" I growled in her face, and for the first time I watched as Bella shrank away from me in fright. Calming my voice to a more acceptable level, I added, "I'm going out, I need some fresh air."

"Hardly Edward…considering you don't even need to breathe." She shot back at me with venom in her voice.

"You know what I mean Bella."

"Tell me something Edward, why should I stay here after you run from discussing this _again_? We need to work this out! I don't want to stick around and be your plaything for a few years now, only to grow old and be relegated to someone you love but cannot touch or hold; and before you suggest it…I _cannot_ grow old and let you love me. I won't allow myself to stay here and sit beside you as an old woman and look at you with lust in my eyes."

I stalked towards the door, not trusting myself to respond, because I knew as soon as the words left Bella's mouth, that she was right…about everything. My whole romantic notion of loving her into her human twilight years was ridiculous. I would look just the same as I did now, forever unchanged while Bella _would _change in appearance, her skin would become wrinkled and she would grow weak and frail with age. No one would understand how I could still love her, and I would not be able to hold her and kiss her like I enjoyed doing now.

Everything she said was the absolute truth, but I still couldn't do it, I still couldn't change her.

As I reached for the doorknob, I turned to look behind me to Bella, she hadn't moved from the table but her eyes were fixed on me, filled with tears and rage. "If you feel so strongly about me remaining human Edward then we're done...right now, right this second. I'll go back to La Push... I'll go back to Jacob…today. I'll live my pitiful excuse of a life and die half loving a man who deserves more, while all the while mourning the loss of another man, a vampire who was to gutless to take what he wanted and make me his forever." Her tears were flowing freely down her cheeks now. She made no attempt to wipe them away.

" I'll go back to La Push, where you can't follow me, where you can't lurk in the shadows and watch me. I'll make sure you never see me ever again and that I never see you!" Bella seethed, and I could tell that she meant every single word of what she was saying, this was no empty threat.

My hand dropped from the doorknob instantly. Bella had just given me an ultimatum; change her or lose her forever. Closing my eyes I considered ways I could change her mind, dazzle her into forgetting the notion of our love being so extreme... _all or nothing_. I couldn't think of anything new to add to my reasoning though, nothing that would convince her. Opening my eyes to try to once again explain why I couldn't change her, I was confronted by Emmett's and Rose's irate faces.

"Right! You!" Emmett boomed pointing his finger at me "Get outside…we need to talk."

"And you Bella" he spun and faced her, "Go with Rose…she has some things to discuss with you."

"This shit needs to end and it needs to end NOW!" he roared. I'd never seen Emmett look more serious in all the time I had known him.

Rose stepped forward from behind Emmett, her golden eyes narrowed; looking back and forth between Bella and myself. "The two of you are acting like children. For god's sake, can you not see what you are doing? It's just like last time…Bella comes back and our world, our entire family gets turned upside down again."

Spinning towards me she snarled, "Edward you're acting like a complete and utter fuck, do you know that? What do you think this is doing to Esme, to Carlisle…to all of us?"

"And YOU!" she rounded on Bella, "I am through with you mind fucking my brother! I am sick of you carrying on the way you do. This has never ended…for five goddamn years we've all watched Edward mope and pine over you, and then you come back and he's happy for a few hours and now you're both back to arguing and moping again! I want to talk to you upstairs...Now!" Grabbing Bella roughly by the left wrist, Rose began pulling her towards the stairs.

A deep growl erupted from my throat at the sight of Rose manhandling Bella, "Take your hands off her Rose!"

Frantically looking into Rose's thoughts, I was relieved somewhat to see that she was really only planning on talking to Bella, but I was still not happy with the way she was treating her, that grip of hers was going to leave Bella bruised.

"Emmett" Rose muttered, "Get my brother out of here before I do something to him that I might regret later."

Emmett began to bustle me towards the door, using all of his strength to budge me. "Seriously Edward, don't make me hurt you." He warned.

"You forget I can hear your thoughts Emmett, you won't be able to think quick enough or move fast enough to hurt me!" I hissed, and for the first time in memory I felt like fighting and injuring my brother.

Turning my head toward Bella to see if she was ok, I saw her mouth and eyes opened wide, in shock and fear. Bella stared back at me as she was dragged along backwards by Rose, up the stairs; she was looking at me like I was a stranger, which is probably exactly what I looked like. I had never felt more like an animal than I did right now. I had to calm down. I had to think, and I had to get out of this room where the woman I loved was looking at me like I was a monster.

Emmett didn't need to use his brute force to shove me outside anymore; I went willingly, disgusted with the way I had just let things get so out of control.

I broke free from Emmett's grip and started running as fast as I could toward the line of trees across the yard, I heard him following close behind but I didn't care about Emmett or anything he had to say. I had to be away from the house and the poisonous words that had just been spoken between Bella and me.

I only hoped that when I returned Bella would still be there and that she hadn't made good on her promise of leaving me and going back to La Push.

ooOoo

By the time Emmett caught up to me, I had stopped running and was sitting on the forest floor with my face buried in my hands; I had thankfully calmed down considerably, and was no longer thinking of killing him. He approached me warily, looking for any sign that I was going to run or attack.

"I'm not going anywhere Emmett" I sighed "and I'm not going to fight you."

All the fight had left me, I felt hollow. The thought that Bella could at this moment, be packing her bags to leave my life forever, left me feeling completely powerless. "You heard her Emmett…she's going to leave me. She's going to go back to that _wolf _and leave me!" I could hear the pain in my own voice.

"Then do something about it Edward!" Emmett grumbled, "Stop hiding behind your morals and values, get off your high horse and give her what she wants! Give her a reason to stay."

"I can't Emmett…I can't do that to her." I whispered; my heart breaking more with each second that passed. The thought that the last time I would see Bella's face, it would be frozen in shock and fear of me, was crashing down on me.

"Then you're going to lose her Edward, I hope you can live with that forever. It seems like an awfully long time to pay for one bad decision to me." Emmett stood out of his crouch beside me and walked off into the forest, leaving me alone once more.

* * *

**Next Chapter is Rose and Bella's talk...**


	11. An Unexpected Conversation

**Stephenie Meyer owns all things twilight...apart from the 1000 piece Twilight puzzle that is driving me insane! Way too much black on it if you ask me,lol.**

**Here is Chapter 11. I am not completely happy with how it is written but I am busting to put it up, so I decided to stop fiddling with it and just post it. **

**Let me know what you think...but be nice please.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 11**

**An Unexpected Conversation  
**

**BPOV**

If I wasn't frozen in shock, I probably would have been screaming and pounding my free fist into Rose, in some sort of vain attempt to free myself from her grasp; instead I just let her drag me up the stairs, away from the scene below me, a scene that would forever be etched in my memory.

_How the hell had that just happened?_

_How had the day just gone from soft touches, playful teasing, loving smiles, to complete and utter chaos?_

I knew the answer of course, it was simple…I had pushed Edward too far and he had snapped. He had been fierce and terrifying and so conflicted; his face twisted in a mixture of rage and pain.

I had caused all of this. I had started all of this turmoil when I reappeared in his life and started making demands. I had also just ended it.

In the blink of an eye I had lost everything. I had given Edward a choice, an ultimatum; change me or lose me. Judging by the way he had left without even speaking, I figured we were through. I had my answer. His silence had spoken volumes. I was never going to be a vampire. It was over, my dreams, our love; my chance at a happy life…all of it was over.

A twist of my wrist sent a searing pain shooting down my arm, rousing me from my shock and from my heartbreak.

"Ow!" I screamed involuntarily.

"Sit down." Rose hissed, pushing me backward, towards the bed in the middle of my room, finally releasing her relentless grip on my arm.

I felt the mattress make contact with the back of my knees and I fell onto the bed with an unceremonious plop.

"Bella?" Rose looked at me concerned, her voice softened from a hiss now to a softer growl. She sounded almost concerned about me. "Are you ok?"

_I must look like hell if Rose was worried about me…_

I looked up into her golden eyes, and just stared back at her; wide eyed, unable to form the words to answer her out loud.

_Was I ok? What the fuck did she think? No! I was most certainly NOT ok! I had just lost the love of my life…again. I had just watched him have a monumental meltdown in front of my eyes. I had just watched as he threatened to fight his brother; and then to top it off I had been dragged upstairs by an irate blonde vampire to 'talk'. No! I was feeling far from ok!_

"No" I whispered, finding my voice, "No…I'm…not…ok."

I felt a wave of tears rush into my eyes, obscuring my vision. I was glad that I couldn't see Rosalie's face; I didn't want to look at her, I wanted to hide from everyone and everything. I wanted to escape the pain that was crashing over me.

"I have to…get out of here" I choked out as sobs started to wrack my body.

I climbed off the bed and started looking around wildly for my purse; it was the only thing I had bought with me when I arrived with Alice from Seattle. It was all I needed to find now, to take with me. Once I found it, I could leave; I just had no idea where it was.

"What are you doing Bella?" Rose asked looking confused, when I fell to the floor on my hands and knees to peer under the bed.

"Looking for my purse…I need it." I blubbered frantically waving my arm back and forth in the space between the bed and the floor, trying to locate it purely by feel. It wasn't under there.

"Why" she asked casually, all signs of irritation now gone from her voice as she watched me crawl around on the floor. She probably thought I had lost it finally and was going insane. I was thankful regardless of what she thought of my mental stability, that she had calmed down at least; my wrist was still throbbing from where she had held me tightly, and my skin was already breaking out in a telltale bruise of deep purple.

"So I can get the hell out of here, that's why" I answered, my voice a little stronger, spurred on by the memory of the way Rose had spoken to me moments ago.

"Bella, can you please get up off the floor so we can talk?"

"I don't want to talk anymore Rose, look where it's gotten me so far" I snapped. "I just need to get away from here, away from…." I couldn't make myself say his name, I couldn't finish my sentence…It would make it too final, too real.

_Edward and I were finished_. The thought tore at my insides. All the old wounds that had healed over were ripped apart again. It was hard to breathe, I felt like I was drowning, suffocating in my own heartache. I just wanted to curl up in the fetal position and cry, but I couldn't; not yet anyway. I had to leave this house. I had to find the one possession I owned apart from the wedding ring on my left hand, which the thought of only reminded me, of my other failed attempt at love.

"I'm sorry about the way I spoke to you downstairs Bella" Rose apologized, joining me down on the floor, her face now level with mine. "I lost my temper, I was very harsh, and I was rough with you. I'm sorry. I really would like to talk to you before you run off though…please?" she was speaking softly to me now, pleading almost.

"I can imagine what you're going to say Rose. I can save you the trouble by skipping the whole conversation and agreeing with you now." I sighed, sadness filling my voice. "You're right. I've made a giant mess of things. I never should have come looking for your family. I don't belong here. I was wrong."

Springing up off the floor, I started riffling through the dresser draws, in search of my elusive purse; all the while carefully avoiding looking in Rose's direction and ignoring the fresh tears that tumbled from my eyes. I could still make Rose out through my waterlogged peripheral vision; she was standing on her feet again and staring at me intently, as I continued my mad search.

_Where was my bloody purse?_

I noticed Rose uncross her arms and begin to cross the floor toward me, I tried to move before she got close enough to grab me, but with my incredibly slow human pace, I hadn't even managed to stumble backwards one single step, when I felt her arms wrap around me. I tensed at first wondering what sort of pain she was going to inflict on me now, or where was she going to forcibly drag me next. I realized with surprise, that Rose was hugging me; her arms were wrapped gently around me in an embrace, not to restrain me, but to soothe me.

"Bella, I don't think that at all…please just sit down and hear me out." Her voice was soft in my ear and despite the events of the last few minutes, I found myself comforted by her words and her embrace. My sobs quieted and my heart rate began to settle slightly.

Rose stepped back away from me a little and pleaded with me again, "Please sit down, and let's just talk."

"Ok Rose" I mumbled returning to sit on the bed hugging a pillow to my chest. I wasn't looking forward to whatever she had to say, no matter how nice she had just seemed; it didn't erase the fury she had unleashed on me downstairs.

Rose joined me on the bed, sitting cross legged opposite me; her elbows on her knees and her chin resting in her hands.

"Bella, why do you want to be a vampire so much?" she asked quietly.

"Isn't that obvious Rose? I love your brother. I want to spend my life with him." _Why was everyone in this family always questioning what I wanted?_

"I know you love Edward… but Bella, have you considered what you would be giving up by turning your back on humanity and joining our kind?" she asked gently.

"I wouldn't be giving up anything Rose." I replied, my voice now a little more firm, and my eyes once again dry.

"Of course you would be Bella." She said softly, "You would be giving up the chance to have a full human life and everything it entails, a husband, and children. You'd be giving up the chance to grow old with your husband and watching your children and future grandchildren grow up." She sighed, "You'd be giving up so much… throwing so much away. You'd be giving up things, that I wish I could have had the chance to experience." Rose finished her voice filled with a deep sense of sadness and regret.

"Aren't you happy though Rose? With Emmett …with your family? Aren't you happy being a vampire?" I questioned.

I had never even given a thought to how Rose felt about being a vampire. She always seemed so content with her life, her beauty, Emmett. I had never really thought about her as ever having been human, let alone what she might have wished for when she was.

"Yes, of course I'm happy… now," she answered, "but Bella; once I would have traded anything to be able to have a human life. I know I probably don't strike you much like the maternal type" she smiled at me knowing the opinion of her that I held, "But all I ever wanted before, back in my old life…was to get married and be a Mom. Bella…I never got the chance it was stolen away from me, the choice was stolen away from me. The price you are prepared to pay to be with Edward…have you ever considered it may be too steep?"

So this is what she had wanted to discuss. Rose wanted to convince me that what I felt or Edward was not worth giving up my life for. She thought that I would be able to experience more joy and happiness if I stayed human.

"I've tried that life Rose…for the past five years without him." I sighed deeply before going on, "I honestly don't think I would be giving up much at all."

Looking into Rose's eyes I asked, "How much about what has happened to me in the past five years do you know about?"

"Not much" she admitted, "Why?"

"Because Rose, maybe if you knew what was already missing from my life, you wouldn't think my so poorly of my decision and my desire to join your family." I sighed again as my grief began to claim me completely; hunching my shoulders over a little more and sinking my chin down onto the pillow I clutched.

"Tell me?" Rose asked softly."Help me understand why you feel so strongly about this Bella."

Sighing again I dropped my face further into the pillow in front of me and noticed that it still smelled of Edward, where he had laid upon it just hours ago…it felt like a lifetime ago now. A very real pain, jolted through my broken heart as the thought that this might be the last time that I would inhale his sweet smell, finally crashed down on me.

"I wasn't happy." I whispered raising my face out of the pillow to stare into Rose's eyes, "Once Edward left me…I never recovered. I went through the motions of life, I finished high school, I went to college, and I got married. None of it made me happy though Rose.

"But maybe you could be in the future Bella?" She offered.

"No, I won't be. I know it. I can feel it. I won't be happy ever, not without Edward…not truly happy." I dropped my face forlornly back into the pillow and breathed in deeply the scent that lingered there, trying to commit it to memory.

Raising my head again to meet Rose's gaze, I whispered the words that crushed me every time I spoke them, "Rose, I can't have children. Jake and I…we tried. I kept falling pregnant, but then I would lose the baby a few months later. I can't help but think…that I wasn't meant to be a Mother, because I was meant to be somewhere else…with someone else…" I left his name unsaid, afraid of what hearing it again would do to me.

"I'm sorry Bella" Rose said sincerely, taking my hands in hers, "I didn't know. Does…does Edward know?" she questioned gently, with a sincere sadness for me evident in her eyes.

"No. I hadn't gotten around to telling him yet." I answered weakly. In truth I had been avoiding the topic, because it hurt too much to talk about, and because I felt like admitting to Edward that I had tried to have children with Jake would be admitting to a longing for something else that he could never give me; but no one could make me a mother, I was the defective one in that equation.

"I guess none of this matters now anyway." I shrugged. "Edward has made his opinion clear, he won't ever change me."

Rose chuckled beside me, which I found highly insensitive; although this was Rose I was talking about. My eyes shot up to hers, staring daggers at her. "What exactly do you find funny about any of this Rose?" I hissed.

"I'm sorry Bella, you're right it's not funny." Rose bit at her lip, to stifle the soft chuckle that still spilled from her perfect pout.

That did it! I snapped. "What the fuck is so funny about this Rose? Tell me, because I could use some cheering up, right about now! How is the destruction of my life entertainment to you?" I began to yell, while clutching my pillow tighter against my chest.

_How dare she laugh at a time like this! _

_Bitch! She hadn't changed at all, like I thought she had…_

Rose didn't even blink at my rant; she just smiled back at me. "Bella, how many vampires do you know apart from Edward?" she asked still smiling.

"What sort of a stupid question is that Rose?" I snapped at her.

"Just answer the damn question" Rose asked, a shortness to her voice now; all traces of her smile gone.

"Six."

"Exactly" she smiled at me.

"Exactly, what?" I asked feeling completely lost. If Rose had a point to her question than I would need her to draw me a map so I could find it.

"Bella, Edward is never going to change you. When he says he can't…he is being honest with you. Edward struggles with this life, and what he feels it has changed him into. Bella…Edward views himself as a monster, an abomination that should not exist. He has resisted changing you because he loves you so much, and he doesn't want you to ever feel the way about yourself, that he feels about himself."

"Whatever." I huffed. I was sick of hearing how he loved me too much to change me, it sounded like a cop out and a crock of shit. It sounded like yet another excuse.

"No. Listen to me!" Rose snapped," it's important that you understand! Edward wants to be with you Bella, he wants you forever; but he fears it as much as he desires it. While Edward can be a huge pain in the butt as a brother" she smiled, "he is also loving, kind, loyal and self sacrificing for those he loves…like his family…like you. He will hurt himself before he will ever inflict pain on those he loves Bella." Rose reached over and placed her hand over mine. "I have watched Edward struggle with his feelings for you, and you need to know that he loves you more than you can even imagine possible. Everything he has done, since the moment he met you in that Biology classroom back in Forks, has been for you." She sighed then as if deciding on whether to tell me something or not, before continuing, "The thought of ever losing you scares Edward to death; he must be an absolute mess at the moment after what just went on downstairs, after what you just said to him. Just because his heart doesn't beat Bella, does not mean it cannot be broken just like yours. Wherever my brother is right now, he is suffering as much, if not more than you are."

"I know he loves me Rose, and that he is trying to protect me." I sobbed, wondering if she could sense the but that was coming, "But what it boils down to, is this…we can't be together, the way we both dream of, without me becoming one of you."

"I know Bella" she sighed, "which brings me back to my question that I asked earlier. How many vampires apart from Edward do you know?

"Six Rose, but what the hell has that got to do with anything?" I asked still perplexed.

"See...this is what I was chuckling at before Bella…Have you never thought about the fact that you know six other vampires who could resolve all _this_?" she waved her hands around in the air." You know six other vampires who are just as capable of injecting their venom into you, and changing you as Edward is? Six other vampires that; if you asked them…might just be willing to do what Edward is not? " she was smiling now.

_Shit! Rose was right!_ I had been so busy trying to convince Edward that I wanted him to change me and then being consumed with sadness and irritation that he would not; that I had completely overlooked the fact that I knew six other vampires, who had already told me that they were happy for me to join their family.

If Edward had any hint of such an idea, he would stop them of course, but Edward wasn't here…he was out in the forest somewhere with Emmett, too far away from the house to hear our conversation or Roses' thoughts.

I felt a flicker of hope begin to grow in my chest, replacing the ache that had begun to settle over my heart. There was still a chance for me to be with Edward…all I had to do this whole time was ask the right vampire.

I couldn't believe the thoughts that were now busy swirling through my mind…

_Could the blonde vampire in front of me…The one member of the Cullen family who had always seemed to despise me… Could she really be the one who would help me make all my dreams come true? _

_Would Rosalie really be willing to bite me, in order for me to join her family?_

_If she was willing, would she be able to control her bloodlust and keep herself from killing me? _

_Was being killed; drained of my blood, was it a risk I was willing to take in order to have one last chance at being with Edward?_

_Was I prepared to put my future, my dreams and my very existence in Rosalie Cullen's hands? _

Taking a deep breath I made, what would be the biggest decision of my life.

"Rose?"

"Yes Bella?"

"Can I ask you a favor?"

* * *

**Rose's perspective coming up next. Plus answers, as to what fate awaits Bella...  
**


	12. A Fate Decided

**SM owns twilight and all the characters..**

**I openly admit, I had a little trouble writing from RPOV, but the essence of what I wanted to get across, and the direction I wanted my story to go in, is still there; so I can't be too unhappy with it.**

**Please review, but no Flames...they burn too much :o(  
**

* * *

**Chapter 12**

** A Fate Decided**

**RPOV**

_What alternate universe had I accidently stumbled into?_

I couldn't sleep…so I knew it wasn't a dream.

Could I really be sitting here, with Bella, discussing her options on how to join our family?

Sure I had told her, just last night, that I didn't detest the idea of her joining my family when she had asked my opinion, and I had meant it; but that didn't mean I loved the idea, and I certainly never thought I'd be encouraging her!

There was no reasonable explanation for my ludicrous behavior, except that somehow over the last hour I had actually started liking Bella…

_Unbelievable! _

When I had first dragged her upstairs to talk, I never imagined the things the we would discuss or how pivotal this day was going to be; I had just wanted to give her a piece of my mind. I was going to tell her to grow up and stop acting like she was still the teenager that had irked me so much, five years ago.

But, that was before I knew of the heartache and loss that Bella had suffered over the past five years. Listening to her talk, watching her cry; it had softened my intolerance of her and had forced me to admit that Bella had changed.

She was _not_ the same young girl I had met in Forks, she was a woman now; she had grown up and she had experienced the harshness of life, the heartache of loss, and the unfairness of unanswered prayers.

I understood the sorrow Bella felt, not being able to have children; it was a pain that I was all too familiar with. Her admission to me about her miscarriages and her inability to carry a child, had given me a chance to identify with Bella, and to feel a connection with her for the first time. Both of us mourned the children we could never have.

I heard it in her voice; I saw it in her face and in her body language- in the way she clutched that pillow like a life preserver… the past five years had not been kind to Bella. Despite her best efforts to live a happy human life, fate seemed to have stepped in, to dash each of her attempts. The sadness and defeat in her voice made it sound like she was tired of fighting such a hopeless battle, given there were no spoils to show for it.

The failure of her marriage, the loss of her babies, the death of her Father and estrangement from her Mother…it all had taken its toll on Bella. She was hurting- the thought of losing Edward again… was pushing her to breaking point, right in front of my eyes.

The basis of Edward's argument for keeping Bella human, had always been his fear of stealing away her chances of a happy life; a human life filled with children and grandchildren; but considering everything I had heard- becoming one of us was going to rob Bella of nothing; if anything it might enrich her life.

Bella had nothing left to lose or to give up really…only my brother and my family. Becoming a vampire, would offer Bella more of a life than what she already had; it would allow her the chance to have a family again, to be loved and to give love in return, completely and freely.

Bella becoming a vampire would mean my brother could finally have the mate he wanted, the mate he _needed_. He had spent too many years alone and too many years separated from her already.

It struck me like a lightning bolt while we talked about Edward's unwillingness to change her;

_Someone else in the family had to do it. _

_Someone else had to step in, and put an end to the torturous pain that being separated would cause Edward and Bella. Neither would survive such a separation again._

_Someone had to give them the solution to their conundrum._

_That someone was me! _

So I had pointed out to Bella, the very obvious fact that Edward was not the only vampire that could administer the bite that would transform her. As soon as she realized what I was saying, I watched the light return to Bella's eyes, the spark of hope reignited.

I watched as Bella thought through what all of this meant.

I waited, a feeling of nervousness descending over me, at what I suspected was about to happen.

"Rose"

"Yes Bella?" I answered hoping my voice didn't reveal my nerves.

"Can I ask you a favor" she asked calmly, showing no outward signs of being nervous or indecisive herself.

"Sure, what can I do for you? Do you want me to go and find Carlisle for you" I asked kindly, suggesting fetching Carlisle in the hope that he would be the one that Bella would want to change her; he was the obvious choice, he had done this before, he was practiced and controlled.

"No Rose, I don't want you to go and find Carlisle." She replied quietly, her eyes never leaving mine.

"I can give Alice a call if you want…unless she's already on her way here." I offered; figuring maybe it would be Alice that she would choose. If that was the case, then Alice was probably already on her way thanks to a vision.

"No thanks Rose. Um…Rose, can you just let me finish what I am trying to say?"

"O….k" I was getting nervous now. If Bella didn't want Alice or Carlisle to do it, that only left Jasper, Esme and me. I was pretty sure that Jasper wasn't really a candidate seeing as he had already tried to kill Bella once before, so that left me and Esme.

_Please, please, please let her ask me to go and get Esme!_

"Rose…will you do it? Will you bite me…will you change me?" she asked simply, looking me directly in the eye.

"What?" I blurted out in shock. I was the last person I thought Bella would want to have sink their teeth into her.

"Rose will you bite me? Will you be the one to change me? Please" she asked again, this time a slight pleading tone had entered her voice.

"Um Bella, I don't know if that is such a great idea." I answered honestly and slightly panicked. I didn't think I was the best choice for _this_. I was a close last with Jasper in my opinion; as far as suitable candidates went.

"Rose it was _your_ idea. Besides… I trust you." She smiled at me, her voice full of sincerity.

"Why me? Someone else should do it." I found myself choking the words out. _I didn't trust me! Why did Bella think I could do this, when I had massive doubts?_

"I think you can do this Rose- plus if I miss this chance…I know I won't ever get another one. Edward is out of the house, he can't hear us, and he can't hear your thoughts; he doesn't know what we are planning. We both know if Edward had any inkling that we were thinking of doing…he would do everything in his power to stop it; but he can't stop this from happening when he isn't here. Rose this is the perfect opportunity. Rose this is the _only_ opportunity." Her voice was more urgent sounding now, as she pleaded with me, trying to give me reasons to agree with her request.

"Bella, I don't think I can…I might…kill you."I mumbled.

I knew she was right, that it was a matter of now or never, but that did nothing to ease my concern that everything could go horribly wrong. I knew that it wasn't going to be as simple as I had made it sound. It was going to involve much more, than just a simple bite.

"No you won't Rose, you wouldn't let yourself kill me… it would hurt Edward too much and you wouldn't be able to live with yourself." She said simply.

Bella was so calm; it was as if she discussing having her nails trimmed, rather than being injected with venom, that would stop her heart beating, and turn her into a blood thirsty vampire.

I wished I could share in her confidence and resolve.

I watched Bella thrust her hand towards my face. "I'm ready Rose…whenever you are." She smiled.

Despite all the risks, Bella was willing to put her faith in me, and her fate in my hands.

Staring down at Bella's wrist, hearing her request still echoing in my mind; I struggled to make my decision. Bella was right; this was the perfect and probably only time that the opportunity would present itself. Edward could be back any moment. I had to make a choice.

_I could end all the fighting…_

_I could make my brother happy; I could give him everything he ever wished for…a future with Bella. _

_I had to do this… and I had to not kill her…somehow._

_There was no other choice that either Edward or Bella could live with._

Grabbing Bella's warm, soft hand in mine, I lifted it to my mouth, my eyes never leaving the inside of her wrist, as I bought my lips down on the delicate skin and broke the soft, warm surface easily with my sharp teeth.

_There was no turning back now… _

Bella's warm blood flowed out swiftly to meet my lips, shocking me with its unbelievable flavor. Her blood was like nothing I had ever tasted before.

Having never drunk human blood, it was a completely new taste sensation in my mouth. One I enjoyed. It was so much better than any animal blood I had ever sampled, sweet yet robust, with a delicate balance of flavors that no animal blood could possibly match.

I heard Bella whimper in pain, as my venom began to work its way into her system, incapacitating her, just as it was designed to; making her forget any attempts to struggle or flee, due to the immense searing pain it caused. She whimpered again and I heard my name escape her lips, "Rose…stop." She pleaded.

But I didn't know if I could stop. I didn't know if I could fight the side of me that Bella's blood had awakened. I was killing her; draining her of her blood; blood that had a pull so strong, it was hard to resist.

"ROSE!" she screamed and I looked up into her wide eyes, as she pleaded with me, to break my hold on her, and to spare her life.

In that look I saw what I needed to give me the strength to fight the monster that had been awakened from deep within me.

I saw the love of my brother's life. I saw the friend that Alice cared so much for. I saw the bumbling klutz that Emmett and Jasper enjoyed teasing and having around. I stared into the eyes of the daughter, that Esme and Carlisle saw in Bella.

I could not steal her from them.

I could not hurt them that way.

Using all the strength I could muster, I fought to stop the madness that Bella's blood was causing. I broke my grip on Bella's arm, thrusting her away from me, throwing her clean off the bed and onto the floor. I heard her skin tearing loudly, where my teeth were still holding their ground, refusing to loosen their grip on her.

I heard the crunch of bones shattering, as she hit the floor. I had probably just broken several bones in her body with the force of my blow; but that was the least of Bella's problems.

I had to escape, before I surrendered again to my bloodlust. I didn't dare look at her crumpled, bleeding body laying on the floor, but I didn't need to look to know that she was now writhing in agony on the floor, as my venom spread rapidly through her system; her screams were piercing.

I ran from the room as quickly as I could, down the stairs, jumping in my car and gunning the engine, fishtailing down the drive; Bella's screams echoing in my ears. I didn't look back, I didn't breathe and I didn't stop driving, until I no longer felt the urge to go back to the house to finish what I had started.

I would not let myself return to that room, to kill the human girl; who was now in the process of becoming my sister.

I didn't dare pull over until I reached the outskirts of Seattle. Pulling into a mostly deserted parking lot, I didn't know what emotion to feel first; so many thoughts and feelings were rushing through my mind.

I felt an incredible guilt, at the thought of how dangerously close to losing control and killing Bella I had been. I had almost ruined everything.

I felt joy at the same time, in the knowledge that I had been able to stop myself, and leave Bella alive.

I was on a rollercoaster ride of emotions as more feelings coursed through me.

Feelings of happiness bubbled inside of me; I had done what Edward had been unable to. I had just given him Bella…forever. Right now she was being transformed; my venom flowing through her body, changing her. Bella and Edward would finally get the future that both dreamt of…because of me.

Mixed in with my happiness was a lingering concern; I had just spilled blood from a human, our treaty with the Quileute in La Push was forever broken; we could never return to Forks.

Adding to my worry was the fact that I had now tasted human blood. Would that change me? Would it make my commitment to our lifestyle weaker?

My vanity surfaced suddenly, and I was scared as to whether my eyes had taken on a red tint, in evidence of what I had done? Did I now look like a monster? Did my face now reflect the vampire that I was, rather than the beauty I was used to?

Staring into the rear vision mirror, I inspected my eyes. I was relieved to see that they were not glowing crimson like I feared, although the usually golden color of my irises was now a darker richer gold, tinged with a hint more red.

Thinking back to how hard it had been to stop myself from draining Bella of her blood, I found a new level of respect, for what Edward had gone through in the ballet studio when he had sucked Bella's blood clean, after James had bitten her. I knew now, just how difficult stopping himself from killing her must have been. I had come so close to failing myself, and her blood was more potent to Edward than it was to me.

My greatest emotion though, was fear. A crippling fear was washing over me, at the thought of how Edward would react to what I had just done, how my whole family would react. What would they think of me now? Would they hate me for what I had done? Would they forgive me? Would they understand why I had granted Bella her request, when Edward had made his refusal to do so, and his intent to keep her human, so well known?

I only hoped that they would give me the chance to explain what had happened before they jumped to conclusions. It would be too easy for my family to believe that I had lost my temper and lunged at Bella, rather than the truth…that she had asked me to do it. I barely believed the truth myself.

I sat in the parking lot for hours, experiencing each high and low of every emotion I was feeling; thinking about the pain that Bella was now enduring, imagining the shock that my family would feel when they returned home to see what I had done.

I hoped and prayed that Edward would hear me out when I returned home…I didn't expect a thank you, but I did hope he wouldn't want to tear me apart. If he tried to harm me, I knew that Emmett would die attempting to protect me.

I could not stop myself from further considering how my actions could cause the complete destruction of my family; pitting brother against brother, vampire against vampire; in a fight to the death. The thought of the possible fallout, due to my rash decision, made me shudder.

_What had I done…?_

_

* * *

_

_**BTW~ I think Rose is the most misunderstood character of the twilight series. **_


	13. Consequences

**SM owns twilight...not me :o(**

**Thanks to all those who reviewed the last chapter or added my story to their fave list or alert list! Lots of love to you all!**

**Leave me some more love in the way of a review if you like this chapter.**

**I have been without the net for a few days, so I have been busy offline writing...I have almost finished three new chapters to this story! I should update with the next chapter in a day or two.**

* * *

**Chapter 13**

** Consequences**

**EPOV**

Sitting on the damp leaf littered ground, I tried to think of ways to make things right again between Bella and myself? This couldn't be the end, could it? We couldn't have found each other again finally, only to be torn apart so soon after.

I didn't want to think about the fact that I was probably already too late to salvage our relationship and that Bella was probably gone from our house and my life forever.

If she did return to La Push, I could not follow her and put all of my family in danger, I could not break the treaty. Bella would truly be lost to me.

An hour later, I was still in denial and trying to figure out a way to make everything right but I was unable to think of anything that would work.

The chirping of my cell phone roused me from my thoughts. It was Alice. What did she want? Had she seen Bella and I arguing earlier, and had a vision of Bella leaving me?

"Alice" I said coolly, answering the phone, "What it is?" I really didn't want to be subjected to listening to her screaming at me down the phone, pointing out all the ways I had ruined things with Bella. I was already well aware of how I had destroyed our relationship.

"EDWARD. HOUSE. NOW!"She almost screamed, before hanging up and leaving me with only a beeping tone pulsing in my ear.

Shit! What was going on that had Alice so upset? The urgency, the fear in her voice, that couldn't be about Bella and me arguing. This was something far graver.

In my absence from the house, something terrible had happened.

Racing through the forest, dodging trees, my mind was flying just as fast as my feet were. What was I going to find when I got back to the house; and would Bella still be there to greet me?

Nearing the forest edge, I heard a sound that chilled me to the bone. Emanating from our house was a distinct, scream; high and piercing, as it was carried on the breeze toward me. I knew immediately that it was Bella. I had heard that scream once before, years ago in a ballet studio; Bella was hurt.

Growling loudly, I increased my speed, racing even faster toward the house.

_What the hell had I been thinking leaving Bella alone and unprotected with Rose on the war path? If Rose was responsible for Bella's screams…I'd rip her head off that perfect body of hers._

As I drew closer to the house my nose and throat were assaulted by the heavy scent of blood, Bella's blood. I had no doubt in my mind now that Bella was badly injured. The scent was thick in the air, which suggested that a large amount of her blood had been spilled.

Just as I was about to shut off my breathing I noticed something odd about the scent that touched my tongue and invaded my sensitive nose. I had always possessed an extra level of sensitivity where Bella's blood was concerned, and the scent that filled my mind right now, it smelled slightly off in some way; tainted and not as desirable as I would normally find it.

I started breathing again and noticed that I felt no thirst, no lustful uncontrollable feelings toward Bella's blood. It was puzzling, but I had no time to think on that, I only had one priority; finding Bella and seeing that she was going to be alright; that was all that mattered.

Fear bubbled to the surface, my unneeded breaths becoming ragged and shallow at the thought of Bella being so injured that she would soon be lost to me in a different way.

_How could I have been so irresponsible? _

I had left Bella alone and vulnerable and now something terrible had happened to her. She was bleeding, in a houseful of vampires who would struggle to control themselves from harming her at the sight, and first whiff of her blood.

I ran for the house at breakneck speed, praying I was not too late.

Kicking the front door open, mid stride, the antique wood splintered easily, making way for me to enter the house without slowing. The door hung limply from its hinges as I swept through the living room. I'd replace Esme's precious door later, at the moment it was collateral damage.

Rushing up the stairs, I called frantically to Bella, "Bella! Bella!" Her screams were ricocheting off the walls, as if the whole house was screaming.

I heard Alice calling to me from above, on the next level. "Upstairs Edward, in Bella's room."

I made it up the stairs in less than a second and burst through the bedroom door.

The scene that greeted me made me gasp and stagger forward, grabbing hold of the one of the bedposts to steady myself.

Bella lay crumpled on the floor, bleeding and broken, her hair swept wildly around her face, matted in places with thick, dark congealed blood, plastering a few tendrils of her mahogany hair to her head and to the surrounding floor. A halo of crimson blood pooled around her on the floor.

Carlisle was bent over her, his medical bag beside him, pulling out bandages and talking swiftly in an irritated voice to himself, as he searched for more supplies in his bag.

Alice was sitting on the top edge of Bella's bed, her arms crossed over her chest, rocking herself back and forth, her eyes clamped tightly shut, her lips moving wordlessly, her breathing stopped.

Jasper was kneeling beside Bella on the floor on the far side of her, away from Carlisle, his left hand resting on her forehead, his face a mask of sheer agony.

My eyes found their way back to Bella quickly. My beautiful Bella…her mouth and eyes were wide with terror, open, but unseeing as her shrieks shook her pale lips with their sheer force. Her right arm lay at an odd angle to the rest of her body, bent back unnaturally above her; white jagged bone breaking the skin at the elbow. But it was what I noticed next that made me wish I could cry.

Following my gaze up Bella's fractured arm, my eyes rested on her slight wrist. It was covered in blood and at the centre of the bloodied mess where her wrist once was, now was a gaping wound; deep teeth marks were evident amongst the mangled flesh. Bella had been bitten, savaged. The tainted smell to her blood was explained in an instant to me, it was the venom of a vampire circulating in her bloodstream that I had detected.

"WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?" I screamed. "WHO DID THIS? GET YOUR HANDS OFF HER!" I made a dive for Bella's body only to find myself quickly wrapped up in Carlisle's firm grasp.

"Son, please calm down and let us help Bella." He pleaded. "Let me tend to her wounds and make her as comfortable as possible, then we can talk."

"NO Carlisle! Let me go. Let me fix her. Let me suck the venom out. I've done it before, I can do it again." I looked wildly between him and Bella, pleading with him to let me go so that I could go to her side and save her.

"Son" Carlisle's voice was barely a whisper, but I heard it over Bella's screams easily; it was full of sadness and of sympathy. "Son, it's too late."

"NO! Don't tell me that Carlisle. I can save her." I said anguished my eyes fixed to where Bella lay on the floor, trying to see if Carlisle was telling me the truth. It couldn't be too late. I had to be able to fix this, to stop this from happening.

"Edward. Look at me." Carlisle's hands were on my shoulders now, and he shook me slightly trying to make me listen, to make me look at him."Edward, it's too late. The change…it's already started." He whispered in an apologetic voice.

"No!" I heard myself roar in answer to his unbelievable words.

"Look at her wounds Edward, they have already stopped bleeding. The venom… it's healing her. It's already spread through her system; it has already reached her heart. It's too late to reverse it this time son. Bella is changing." Carlisle's voice was soft but full of emotion. I felt him loosen his hands and their grip on my shoulders.

"No…this was never meant to happen.., not to Bella..." my whispered voice strangled out. Looking into Carlisle's golden eyes, I saw the concern in his face, the sadness there, the truth of his words.

_It was too late. _

_I was too late. _

"I'm sorry son. Please let me take care of Bella. Let me cover her wounds and set her bones so that the venom can heal her the way it needs to."

I nodded my head and Carlisle dropped his hands from my shoulders and rushed back to Bella's side. I had to trust Carlisle and I had to let him help Bella…as much as he could help her at this point.

_It's too late_….the words echoed again in my ears. I was too late to save Bella. She was changing. After all the years I had spent trying to protect her from this fate, it had happened anyway. I had not been here to stop it, to protect her. I had failed. Bella was becoming a vampire and a member of my family was to blame.

The anger bubbled up inside me again, like a volcano threatening to explode, at the thought of someone I loved doing such a brutal thing to the woman I loved.

I looked over at Jasper, his hands touching Bella; the memory of his attack five years earlier now on my mind. I let my rage take me. Grabbing Jasper by the throat, I thrust him against the wall, his feet dangling mid air. "Did YOU do this?" I spat venom at him.

Jasper looked at me pleadingly, pain evident on his face and I noticed through my rage that he was not breathing. He didn't struggle against my hold and he didn't speak but a wave of calm, started to creep down my fingertips, from where I held Jasper's throat. I tried to shake it off, I didn't want to be calm; I wanted to rip someone apart.

"STOP doing that!" I threatened, but Jasper didn't stop, he intensified the emotion instead, trying again to calm me. I dropped my hold on him like I'd been burned. "I don't want to be calm Jasper! I want to know who did this…was it you?" Already I could feel that I had calmed slightly due to Jasper's talent.

"No Edward, I didn't do this." He uttered sounding short of breath and full of hurt at my accusation, " Do you think Alice or Carlisle would let me stand in this room, if I had lost control and done this to Bella?" he questioned, his eyes searching mine, to see if I was absorbing what he was saying.

I believed him in an instant. Jasper had not been the one who had bitten Bella.

I felt the next wave of calming emotions hit me, and I let them; I needed to let them affect me. I had almost just ripped out my innocent brother's throat. I needed to calm down.

I sensed someone standing beside me, and Alice's slight touch as she rested her hand on my back, rubbing it up an down, in an attempt to soothe and calm me. "Edward Jazz didn't hurt Bella; he's trying to help her. He's trying to take the edge off her pain. See..." she gestured towards where Jasper was once again seated on the floor beside Bella, his hand touching her forehead lightly. I could feel the soothing attempts of Jasper's making, and I felt ashamed that I had thought him guilty of hurting Bella, when in fact the opposite was true. Jazz was trying to lessen her pain.

"See, Edward" Alice said gently, "Listen… Bella has already quieted down a bit; I think Jazz is really helping her."

She was right; Bella had stopped screaming and instead now was whimpering softly, her eyes were closed now and her face less pain stricken, her lips only twitching into a grimace every now and then. Carlisle had bandaged most of her wounds now, covering the evidence of the frenzied looking attack, with thick gauze.

"Thanks Jazz" I choked out in his direction, "I'm sorry….I'm sorry I thought that you had…" I left the words unspoken; I didn't need to speak them for him to understand me.

"It's ok, Edward. I understand…I've earned your anger in the past, I can see how it would be easy to look for someone to blame now. You have to know though…I could never hurt Bella this way, not when I know how much she means to you; how much her staying human, was to you."

_Was…past tense_. Bella wasn't human anymore…she was already changing, becoming like me, and while it wasn't Jazz that had bitten her, someone in my family had; and I suspected that I knew now, exactly who that was.

Closing my eyes, feeling slightly more in control of my anger thanks to Jasper's help, I whispered to Alice. "Who Alice? Who did this?" I knew that she would hear me and I knew that she would know the answer to my question.

"Edward…it was…it was Rose." She said quietly beside me.

"How did you stop her? How did you stop her from killing Bella?" I wanted to know how they had dragged a blood crazed Rose from draining Bella of her life completely.

Alice looked at me confused, "Edward we didn't."

_What?_

"Edward, by the time I had my vision, by the time we got back to the house…Bella was alone. We only arrived a few minutes before you did. Bella was alone and Rose was already gone. Emmett's gone looking for her, to try to bring her back…she's very upset."

"Then how…" I asked puzzled, ignoring Alice's comments about how upset Rose was feeling, I seriously didn't care how she felt.

_How had Rose been stopped? Had Emmett dragged his wife of Bella?_ _I knew just how hard it was to resist the urge to drain Bella of her blood, and I was much stronger than Rose in that regard, because I loved Bella; Rose didn't feel anything much more for Bella than annoyance. How had she been stopped?_

"Edward from what I saw…no one stopped Rose. She stopped herself." Alice answered beside me.

I remained silent; letting the information that Alice just gave me, time to sink in. I was thankful in some small way; to hear that Rose had had the strength to resist killing Bella, but it didn't change the fact that Rose had bitten her in the first place and I was going to make sure that she was would suffer the consequences of her actions.

"I'm going to kill her" I made my whispered promise. "I'm going to tear Rose to pieces for what she's done."

"No you're not" Alice growled beside me. "You will not harm so much as a single blonde hair on her head Edward. Do you hear me?" Her voice uncommonly low and deadly sounding beside me.

Glancing over at my pint sized sister I glowered at her, "And who's going to stop me Alice?" I challenged "You?"

"We all will Edward…even Bella. You will NOT hurt Rose. None of us will allow you to destroy yourself, or this family."

_I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Alice was standing up for Rose! _

Staring at her incredulously; I noticed a change in Alice's expression, it had softened again and she dropped her voice back her usual tone. "Edward you need to know what happened here…. you need to know what I saw, it might change your mind about Rose…about all of this."

"I doubt anything could change my mind Alice" I seethed, still thinking of ways to track down Rose and end her life without anyone stopping me. Emmett would be the biggest problem he would try to protect Rose from my attack; and Alice…she would see my plans in her visions as soon as I formulated them.

"Yes I will Edward, and we _will_ stop you!" Alice warned beside me, already seeing my decision in her head.

"What did you see Alice…before with Bella and Rose?" I looked into her mind while she began to talk. I had to see Alice's vision for myself, and was thankful that she did not try to conceal it from me. "Edward, I saw Rose and Bella sitting talking. I saw Rose hugging Bella. I saw them smiling at each other. Then…I saw Bella…I saw her asking Rose to bite her."

Everything Alice had just said, matched with the vision that I had just watched playing in her head; but how could this be true. Why would Bella ask Rose, her least favorite vampire on the planet to bite her?

"Impossible Alice" I muttered.

"You don't believe me? You think I'm wrong? Or do you think I'm lying to you?" she said angry again.

"You must be wrong Alice, or confused." I whispered. She had to be. It hadn't ever happened before, but there's a first time for everything, and this had to be it.

"Bella would never ask Rose to…to bite her." A disgusted tone entered my voice, at the thought of Rose touching Bella's flesh with her mouth, with her teeth.

"Think Edward" Alice growled beside me, "What could have possibly motivated Bella to ask Rose to do it? Why would Bella want Rose to bite her? Join the dots together Edward, see the bigger picture." She sounded angry at me again. "Think about why Bella took such a monumental risk, like letting Rose bite her alone in this house, unsupervised, unprotected? Why would she do such a thing?"

The realization struck me like a wrecking ball. "So I couldn't stop it…" I whispered, letting the truth sink in.

"Yes Edward." Alice whispered beside me, wrapping her arms around my shoulders to comfort me as the truth washed over me.

_This was my fault. _

Bella had asked Rose to do what I had refused her repeatedly. Bella had asked Rose…out of all of us, to bite her.

Bella wanted to be a vampire, to be with me, to give us a future; that was no secret. I had just underestimated the lengths she would go to, to realize her goal.

She had wanted it so badly that she had asked Rose to do it.

"What were you thinking Bella?" I asked softly, lovingly, looking down at the beautiful woman that lay on the floor in front of me. "What were you thinking?"

Bella had chosen this…she had chosen the pain of transformation, having to endure three days of feeling like she was on fire, being burnt alive, all to be with me.

She had taken the choice of her remaining human away from me.

She had overcome my refusal to change her and found a way of her own to become a vampire, so that we could be together. My beautiful, stubborn Bella…she had been so determined to find a way for us to be together and now she had found it.

I felt the anger I had directed at Rose, ebb away as I looked at the woman I loved laying on the floor and thought of all the sacrifices she had made to be with me.

I thought about how much she loved me, how much she wanted to spend _forever_ loving me; not content to only have a few years together.

I watched as she whimpered and shuddered with pain because of what she had done, the lengths she had gone to, to show me the depth of her love and commitment to me.

I had spent too long being angry at Rose, at everyone; instead of being where I needed to be, doing what I needed to do.

My place wasn't tracking down Rose to exact my revenge on her…I didn't even want revenge now. I was pissed off, but I didn't want to kill her anymore.

No. My place now was with Bella, to help her through her transformation.

"We'll leave you and Bella alone now." Alice said quietly, aware of my mental decision. I watched, as she, Jasper and Carlisle ghosted out of the door.

Scooping Bella up in my arms off the floor, I carefully placed her on the middle of the bed and slid my body as close to her as I could, wrapping her up in my embrace as she continued to whimper softly.

"I'm here baby. I'm here." I whispered in her ear hoping to soothe her with the sound of my voice "I love you."

I automatically started humming Bella's lullaby, softly in her ear and planting soft kisses on her furrowed brow, trailing them down to her temple and all the way to her cheek. As I held her in my arms I did all I could to help ease her pain, loving her and whispering to her. "I'm here Bella. Shhhh. It's ok. Shhh baby. I'm here. I'm here and I'm never leaving you, ever again."

From this awful event, one single beautiful truth had been realized.

Bella and I would never again be parted…not for all of eternity.

* * *

**Bella's POV is coming up next...**


	14. A Painful Journey

**SM owns twilight...**

**I decided that because this chapter is already finished, I might as well upload it today too. **

**So thank me for giving you two chapters by reviewing and leaving me some love please. **

* * *

**Chapter 14 **

**A Painful Journey**

**BPOV**

From the moment Rose's teeth broke my skin, I was cast into a world of unimaginable pain. The venom spread quickly through my system; almost too fast for me to plead with Rose to stop what she was doing and to spare my life.

I had feared that she was going to kill me when she continued to suck the life and blood from my body. I could feel myself growing weaker and beginning to lose all semblance of thought and my grip on consciousness. I rallied all the energy I had left, in order to throw my eyes open wide and to scream her name and beg for my life.

"ROSE" I had heard my pleading scream.

It must have worked because the next thing I knew I felt an all consuming pain in my wrist and then I was airborne, flying across the room, hitting the floor with a sickening crunching sound, that I knew was my bones shattering.

I couldn't feel the pain from my broken bones though, my mind and body were too busy being wracked by the searing heat that was tearing through my body from my wrist, racing quickly through my veins toward my heart.

I couldn't stop the screams that flew from my mouth or the spasms that shook my body. It felt was like I was possessed, my arms flailing at my sides, my back arching in pain as my legs twitched uncontrollably. It was agony.

I was thankful to find that even though my mind was screaming in pain, a small portion of my brain seemed unaffected and I was able to think clearly.

I had no idea where Rose had gone, but I assumed she must have left the room after throwing me; otherwise she would no doubt be finishing the job of killing me.

Despite the immense pain I was in, I felt gratitude for what she had done. It had been a difficult decision for Rose; I had seen that in her face when I had asked her to bite me. I would never forget the debt I owed her for the rest of my life; Rose had just given me everything I asked for.

Pain aside I was happy. If my face would allow it I would have worn a smile instead of a twisted grimace. I was finally going to have everything I wanted. I was on my painful, yet necessary journey that would lead me to my new life, a life with Edward.

Charlie had always said "No pain, no gain Bells." His saying had never been more accurate than in this case. I had to endure this pain to be with Edward, and every second of it would be worthwhile. I stopped fighting the waves of pain and instead surrendered to them, letting them crash over me. I gave myself over to the agony of transformation, letting it take me to peak after peak excruciating of burning.

Time passed and I became aware of noises in the room around me. Hurried footsteps, rushed voices, and cold hands touching me. My family was here, they had found me.

I heard Carlisle's quite voice, calmly talking to others in the room giving instructions. I felt poking and prodding as he tended to my wounds, the doctor instincts kicking in, in him.

A bubble of panic rose in my chest and escaped as a strangled cry, as I wondered if Carlisle would try to suck the venom out of my system to save me, like Edward had done when James had bitten me years ago. I tried to quiet my cries so I could hear his voice more clearly.

I felt him grab my mangled wrist, his cool breath touching my burning skin. "The wound, it's too messy. I can't even try to suck the venom out." I heard him say. I relaxed at the confirmation that it was too late for anyone to stop my transformation. I was on my way finally, to becoming a vampire.

I heard Alice's worried voice beside me, "I need to call Edward and tell him to get back here."

"Yes" Carlisle spoke beside me as he continued to inspect my injuries. "Edward needs to be informed. Alice, do you think that Jasper would be able to handle being in here? I think he could help bring Bella some relief from her pain. Nothing I give her will work now that the venom is already in her system." He explained.

I heard a pause in their conversation, and guessed that Alice was checking ahead in time to see if Jasper would be able to help or not.

"Yes" she breathed, "Jasper can handle it. "Jazz can you come and help Bella please" she said quietly in a strained voice.

_It's ok Alice. I'm ok_. I thought to myself wishing I could make the words tumble from my mouth rather than the pained noises that were causing her to speak with such distress.

Seconds later, I heard Alice scream down her phone at Edward, ".NOW!" and I wanted to cry at how much pain I knew I was causing her and how much pain I was about to cause Edward.

I felt a cool touch to my forehead, and knew that Jasper was now beside me as a familiar fuzzy sensation flowed through my body, battling with the venom in my veins. I felt the pain inside me subside slightly; it didn't leave or disappear like I wished for it too, but it was more manageable now; it reminded me of other times when I had hurt myself in the past and I had received a shot of Pethidine for the pain; it didn't it take away, but it took the edge off it.

_Thanks Jazz_. I thought to myself.

The list of people I was going to have to thank after all this was over was growing.

"Alice, how is Edward going to cope with this?" I heard Carlisle ask. It was something that I feared too. Edward seeing me like this was going to be nothing short of explosive. I knew he was going to be angry, that he would be beside himself with worry, and of course he wouldn't be Edward if he didn't blame himself completely. I couldn't be sorry though, without this…without being bitten, we would have been finished.

I heard the heartbreaking sound of him screaming my name seconds later; the sheer panic evident in his voice.

I longed to cry out to him in my regular voice, to let him know that I loved him, that everything was going to be ok. The only noise that escaped my mouth though was my screams. I felt Jasper intensify the emotion he was directing at me to help dull my pain; but the pain I was feeling greatest at the moment was not from the venom in my body, but from the anguish I could hear in Edward's voice.

I focused as much as I could, on stilling my body and quieting my screams. I didn't want to have Edward suffer any more than was absolutely necessary. Seeing me in pain like this, would cause Edward almost as much hurt as if it was him lying on the floor in my place.

I heard his gasp as he burst through the door, and it broke my heart to think of how his face must look right now. My open eyes were blinded by venom and I couldn't see his face, even though I sought it out.

I heard his anger and pain, as he demanded to know what had happened, who was responsible. I heard his pleas to Carlisle to let him save me.

_Its ok Edward, I'm ok. _I thought the words in my head, that I wished I could speak, to console Edward. Instead I had to let his family do the comforting and listen to his tearless sobs.

I listened as Carlisle told Edward that it was too late to save me, and then the pained, defiant, _No_, that Edward screamed in response.

_This is what I want Edward, don't be upset. I love you._ I tried to tell him mentally. I almost wished he could hear my thoughts, just for a moment, so he could know not to be sad, that I wasn't.

"No…this was never meant to happen.., not to Bella..." I heard him whisper full of sorrow.

I wanted to yell at him to stop blaming himself that this was exactly what should have happened; probably five years ago when James had bitten me, but I could say nothing, just listen to him begin to blame himself.

I felt Carlisle's cool hands once more, realigning my broken bones, stitching my broken skin and wrapping my wounds in bandages. I'd have to thank him too when I was done burning, he was being incredibly gentle with me.

I felt a sudden breeze flutter across my body and heard a thud as something beside me, made contact with something hard. I noticed that Jasper's hand had left my forehead, his calming effect gone from my skin but not from the room.

"Did YOU do this?" I heard Edward roar.

Who was he talking to? I wished I could see out of my stupid eyes instead of having to rely on my sense of hearing.

"STOP doing that! I don't want to be calm Jasper! I want to know who did this…was it you?"

Well that explained why Jasper was no longer beside me. Edward seemed to be blaming him for my condition. He was so blinded by his emotions he obviously wasn't thinking clearly; why would Jasper be here if he was responsible?

I listened as Jazz explained calmly and patiently to Edward, that he was not responsible and that he was instead trying to help ease my pain.

_Yes Edward!_ I thought to myself. _Now leave him alone to get back to the excellent job he was doing, please!_

I knew that Edward had believed him when I felt the cool touch of Jasper's hand once more on my forehead and the subsequent calming effect of his talent.

I heard Alice comforting Edward close by, explaining how Jazz was helping, how he had helped me already.

I listened intently as Edward asked the question, I knew must be burning in his mind, almost as much as the venom was burning through me. "Who Alice? Who did this?"

It felt like I had stopped breathing waiting to hear what would happen, how he would react to the news, but I was still whimpering, so it must have been a mental breath I was holding.

Edward…it was…it was Rose." I heard Alice say quietly.

I heard Edward demand to know who had stopped her and his confusion when Alice informed him that Rose had stopped herself. I heard the deathly promise he made to kill Rose for what she had done and the way Alice snarled at him that he would do no such thing. I had never heard Alice sound scary before.

I heard Edward's disbelief when Alice told him that I had asked Rose to bite me and Alice's irritation that he doubted her vision.

I listened as Alice unleashed a tirade of words on Edward, an assault of harsh questions that I knew would end, not only in him realizing that was Alice was saying was the truth, but also in him only blaming himself more than he already did.

"So I couldn't stop it…" I heard him whisper and my heart broke for him. I wanted to comfort him, to wrap my arms around him, but I couldn't.

"What were you thinking Bella?" I heard him whisper to me, and I wished so badly that I could tell him. _I was thinking of how much I love you, of how much I want you, of how much I need you. I was thinking of how we could be together. I was thinking of a forever with you._

We'll leave you and Bella alone now." I heard Alice announce and then I felt Edward's cool arms envelop me as he lifted me carefully from the floor. I felt the soft bed beneath me and his cool body pressed up against my side.

Internally I sighed in relief in his embrace; it was home, where I belonged. Edward's touch bought me as much comfort and pain relief as Jasper's talent had. Edward was my medicine, the ultimate balm to any hurt I could ever feel, whether it was emotional or physical.

I listened to his soft loving words, "I'm here baby. I'm here. I love you."

_I love you too Edward and I'll spend the rest of forever showing you how much and making all this pain we're both feeling worthwhile._ I made my silent promise.

I listened as he began to hum my most favorite tune in the world, my lullaby. Amongst the pain, I felt a sense of joy, a joy, that remained hidden from the outside world because of the prison of pain that my body was trapped inside of; but on the inside, in my mind, I was content.

I heard Edward's whispered promise to me as I shuddered and whimpered again. "I'm here Bella. Shhhh. It's ok. Shhh baby. I'm here. I'm here and I'm never leaving you, ever again."

Those words were like his sweet music to my ears, magical and perfect. I couldn't wait for the next few days to be over with, so that I could tell Edward that I intended to hold him to that promise of never leaving me.

ooOoo

Time passed, although it was impossible for me to tell how much. I became better at hiding my pain and stilling my body. I barely let a whimper escape my lips now and I felt my face only twitch slightly with each wave of pain. To those looking down on me, it should appear like I was asleep and from time to time having a bad dream, rather than revealing the truth, that I was still burning like a witch at the stake.

Edward hadn't left my side, his soft velvet voice filled the silence, as he explained to me what was happening to me, what I could expect when I woke . He hummed my lullaby to me often, whenever I grew restless and I often felt his fingers trace the line of my lips and his ghosting kisses over my closed eyelids, as he whispered repeatedly how much he loved me.

I noticed other noises and hushed voices, as others entered and left the room, but Edward wouldn't budge despite their offers of staying and keeping me company, while he had a break.

Carlisle came in often to check on my progress, reassuring Edward regularly that I was doing well.

Jasper visited from time to time too, to shoot the breeze with Edward and to help relieve my pain with his gift.

Alice came in briefly to explain that she was heading out for a while and that all of her plans were going perfectly…whatever that meant.

Esme would come in every now and then to touch my forehead and hold my hand; it reminded me of how my mother used to check on me when I was sick as a child, it was sweet.

I loved these vampires…I loved this family and how they cared for me.

I had not failed to notice though that two members of my new family were notably absent from these visits; Emmett and Rosalie had not stopped in to see me, and I had not heard anyone mention their names or whereabouts.

_Where were they?_

After more unmeasured amounts of time had passed, I heard Alice and Esme enter the room giggling.

"What's so funny?" Edward asked, from his spot beside me.

"We were just laughing about how we're going to give Bella a makeover that she simply _can't _refuse." Alice giggled.

I heard Edward sigh beside me, before he slid away from my side. Kissing my forehead he said, "Sorry love, I know better than to argue with two vampire women, hell bent on dressing you up; and you could do with a bit of a freshen up…no offense. He kissed me once more on the forehead, "I love you. I'll be back soon."

If I could have groaned out load without screaming, I would have. I didn't enjoy Alice's makeovers when I was conscious, let alone when I was unable to protest and in serious amounts of pain.

I felt myself being undressed and what sounded like water running, then I was lifted from the bed and gently submerged up to my shoulders in something warm, a bubble bath guessing by the smell that I detected. Alice and Esme, washed me gently and with care.

It struck me as they bathed me, that I hadn't been cleaned up since Rose had bitten me; I must look like road kill and probably smell like it too. For the first time in history, I was grateful for Alice's obsession with appearances and makeovers.

I felt the trailing warmth of a sponge gliding down my arm to my left hand, where it stopped, and I felt a slight tugging on my ring finger. "Alice, what should I do with Bella's old wedding ring?" Esme asked quietly.

There was a slight pause before Alice answered, "Leave it with me Esme, I'll keep it somewhere safe for the time being and Bella can decide what she wants to do with it later."

I listened as they made small talk while washing my hair. "Did you take care of that little job you had to do Alice" Esme asked.

"Yep, all taken care of Esme." Alice chimed clearly proud of herself. "I used the blood that I collected from Bella's room to set up the whole scenario and I left Bella's empty purse in the cab of the truck. The police are convinced that she was robbed and then abducted. Soon they're going to begin speculating, that given the large amount of blood they discovered in her truck, her case file should be upgraded to missing, presumed dead."

"You don't see any problems from here on out with the whole story?" Esme asked.

"Nope no problems. I see Bella's case file closed quickly, and a death certificate being issued to her family."

Alice's insistence that I leave everything back in Seattle in my motel room just days ago along with my truck made sense now; it set up my disappearance from my old life perfectly.

I was lifted from the tub then and toweled dry before being placed back on my bed and dressed in something that felt soft and luxurious against my skin, no doubt some designer garment that Alice had picked out for me. I next felt the soft pulling of a brush being swept through my hair and something wet being applied to my lips.

_Seriously Alice? Make up? Wasn't that going just a little too far with the whole 'almost corpselike' Bella make over? _

"Are you two still going?" I heard Edward's amused voice a few feet away. "You're so lucky Bella is out to it." He chuckled. His laughter was a wonderful sound to hear after the seriousness of the last few days. I smiled on the inside.

"Alice" he asked his voice serious once more. "How much longer?"

"Soon Edward. I'd say she'll be awake in about half an hour or so."

If I could have kissed Alice with my lipstick coated lips, I would have. Finally I knew when all this pain was going to end. I had begun struggling to keep up the façade of being pain free despite the distractions that everyone was providing me with. The burning in my chest seemed to have increased tenfold and it now felt like my heart was reaching flashpoint and in danger of self combusting.

I felt Edward slide back to my side and kiss my cheek and then bury his head into the crook of my neck and whisper, "I missed you while I was gone. I can't wait to be able to talk to you again and have you talk back to me. I don't like this one sided conversation."

I listened to the steady rhythm of his breaths waiting for my last half hour of pain to be up.

A white hot flash of pain in my heart signaled the finale of my transformation, and made me gasp my last ever necessary breath of air.

I heard my heart sputter once more and then stop.

There was no more pain, and no more heartbeat; there was nothing but the sound of Edward breathing beside me.

Was this it? Was I dead now? Was I a vampire now?

"Bella" I heard Edward whisper beside me.

My eyes flew open, in eagerness to start my first day of forever.

* * *

**The next chapter should be ready to upload in a day or so, I'm still working on it.** **Only a few more chapters left to go...**


	15. Newborn

_**Hey guys, Sorry it has taken me a while to update, real life has been crazy busy!!! You don't want to know...trust me,lol.**_

_**More to come sooner than rather than later I hope...I just have to find the time to finish writing it. **_

_**I was hoping to have this story finished in the next week, but it looks unlikely, next to bloody impossible really....the good news is though there are going to be a few more chapters (well I think it is good news,lol).  
**_

_**Thanks to all my readers who take the time to review and to all those who have added Broken to their fave story list and alerts. You all ROCK!**_

_**Dee**_

_**Oh yeah...Stephenie Meyer owns twilight...I only own the box set of the series.**_

* * *

**Chapter 15 **

**Newborn  
**

**BPOV**

The first thing I saw when I opened my eyes was Edward's smiling face. "Hey you" he smiled.

"Hi" I answered back simply, a large grin of my own breaking over my face.

"I've missed that smile and the sound of your voice." Edward said softly, touching his fingertips lightly to my lips.

"Well you have plenty of time to get sick of listening to me and looking at me." I teased, "All of eternity is a long time you know."

"That my dear will never happen." He flashed me one of his dazzling smiles.

"Good" I whispered before tangling my fingers through his bronze hair and pulling him down closer to my face. "I love you." I whispered before crashing his lips to mine with a hunger and eagerness that took us both by surprise.

"I love you too," Edward chuckled, breaking off our kiss and pulling away to ask,"Uh, Bella, love…how are you feeling?"

"Well a moment ago I was feeling absolutely perfect but now….well, I'm slightly irritated that you stopped kissing me." Puckering my lips at him, I demanded, "More please!" to which Edward chuckled, before pressing his lips back to mine for a few more seconds.

"Come on Sleeping Beauty, you're awake, your prince of sorts, has kissed you thoroughly…now get your butt out of bed… it's after midday" he grinned, flashing a devilish smile, before sweeping me into his arms and off the bed.

Cradling me gently, he looked down on me, concern etched in his golden eyes. "You must be starving. How's your throat feel?"

"Fine." I lied.

_Burns like a bitch…did someone shove some red hot coals down my throat while I was out to it?_

"Liar" he chuckled. "Come on lets go get your thirst under control and put out that fire in your throat and then we can um…catch up."

"Alright" I agreed begrudgingly, still slightly miffed that our hello kiss was already over. "I am a little thirsty." I admitted. "Where is everyone?"

"Downstairs preparing for you to wake up, Alice has some sort of welcome to the family party planned…you know Alice and how she loves a party" He grinned.

"Edward…just what exactly do you serve up to eat and drink at a vampire party?" I asked slightly nervous at the possible blood filled event that lay ahead of me, on my first day as a vampire.

"Relax Bella- there will be no catering for the event, just music, dancing and vampire introductions. Come on let's go and say hello, everyone is waiting to see you. I've heard nothing else in their thoughts all day…well except for Alice, she's been obsessing over every little minute detail in typical Alice fashion."

Walking toward the stairs I decided to make one last attempt at getting the welcome back kiss that I was still craving before we joined our family downstairs; grabbing Edward I crushed my lips to his, and pinned him against the banister at the top of the stairs. His arms snaked around my waist as he returned my kiss, matching me eagerness with his own, so I responded by deepening the kiss and pulling him closer still. I slid my left leg up Edward's leg, locking it behind his knee to keep him from pulling away from me this time, until _I _was ready. The force of my sudden movement caused our bodies to clash together- a deep growl of desire erupting from Edward's throat at the intimate contact between us.

I reveled in our intense kiss, the kiss that I had dreamt of us sharing when I woke to my new life. Often during the days of my burning transformation, that image had been the only thing that stopped me from screaming out loud…the promise of Edward's lips on mine again.

The real thing was much better than the imagined version, I noted.

_Ahem!_ I heard the sound of someone clearing their throat off to our side, causing me to quickly drop my leg and my stronghold on Edward.

Looking down the staircase I noticed the smiling faces of Alice, Carlisle and Esme as they stood in various places around the living room which they were busily decorating.

"Would you two like us to step out for a moment?" Jasper teased, and I was surprised to find him almost hanging from the ceiling beside us while single handedly hanging party decorations from the large exposed wooden beams.

_Well…that explained where the throat clearing came from. _

The smile he gave Edward and I, left me in no doubt that Jasper had not only sensed our lust from where he swung from the ceiling, but that he had also witnessed our little display up-close, due to his odd vantage point.

"Oops. Sorry Jazz." I muttered, and Edward chuckled beside me before taking my hand in his and leading me down the stairs. I noticed as I looked down at my family that Rose and Emmett were still absent. This troubled me.

"Hi "I waved a timid, hello, "Um…sorry about that. I got carried away I guess…saying hello." I apologized sheepishly for the steamy kissing scene, thankful I could no longer blush. I would have resembled a rather large beetroot if that was the case.

"Bella, how are you feeling?" Carlisle asked, pretending not to have just witnessed me ravaging Edward in front of him.

"Um…great." I answered."Pain free and pulse free, just the way I was hoping" I smiled at my own joke and Carlisle chuckled slightly too, although I think he was just being kind.

I was being _almost_ honest when I told Carlisle I felt great, I did feel fine, good even… _apart from the super dry ache that I felt was possibly the worst ever case of a sore throat known to man or vampire. _

"You coped quite well with your transformation" Carlisle mused, the doctor side of his personality obviously brimming with unanswered questions regarding my change. "It will be interesting to see how you cope with being a newborn. Jasper, how is Bella coping so far?" he asked looking up towards Jasper who still hung from the ceiling where he had resumed hanging string after string of sparkling decorations. When Jazz stopped and turned to answer, he was sporting a huge grin, which helped me to relax, sensing that I must be doing ok or he would _not _be smiling.

"She's doing great Carlisle. There's a real mix of emotions swirling around Bella but she seems to be handling it quite well for the most part. She is easily distracted still but in control." Jasper looked toward Edward, before continuing his evaluation, "Edward you may want to watch out for more random lust induced attacks though" Jasper chuckled, "Bella seems to be quite aware of that side of her emotions, despite being a newborn" he finished with a wink at me.

Edward laughed beside me, "I'm sure I'll cope… thanks for the warning though Jazz."

"Enough Jazz. No more teasing the newborn" Alice scolded looking up with an angry glare from the floor below, "Keep hanging those decorations and put all your energy to better use." She ordered tapping her foot impatiently.

"Thanks Alice" I smiled in appreciation down at her, as I descended the stairs with Edward, stopping at the base of the stairs to stand in the living room. "It's nice to see someone sticking up for the new vampire."

"No problem, that's what sisters do" she beamed. "What do you think of the decorations for your party so far?" she asked looking excitedly around the room.

"They look great Alice." I smiled hoping _great _sufficed as a description of her efforts.

"Great? Not spectacular?" she asked sounding slightly disappointed with my appraisal of her decorating ability, before she hurried off exclaiming, how she knew_" just what to add to put the spectacular finishing touches on the room"_.

Obviously great was not adequate in Alice's eyes.

"Bella dear, it's so good to see you up and smiling, and to hear laughter in the house again." Esme smiled lovingly as she crossed the room and wrapped her arms around me in a warm embrace.

Warm, not cold.

It struck me then, that Edward's touch was no longer be cold on my skin either, because we were now both exactly the same temperature. I hadn't noticed earlier because I was too distracted enjoying our kiss and close contact, and enjoying how Edward's touch still sent shockwaves of pleasure through my skin…that had not lessened, if anything it had intensified.

"It's good to be able to see you all finally too Esme, I was so sick of having to rely on my dodgy human hearing." I replied remembering how hard it had been laying still and listening to my family and not being able to talk to them all.

"Wait…" Carlisle said slowly comprehension dawning on him, "Are you telling me, you've been able to hear us the entire time? How much do you remember of the past few days?"

"I remember pretty much everything that went on from the second that Rose bit me. Well, everything I could manage to hear over my own screaming. Sorry about that." I apologized.

"Don't apologize Bella, you handled the pain so well. You barely made a noise after the first hour." Edward said proudly claiming me from Esme's arms and wrapping his arm around my shoulders.

"You all helped me so much" I swept my eyes over my family fondly. "Thank you all for taking such good care of me while I was ….out of action. Although..."I added shooting a teasing glance at Alice as she reentered the room carrying a stack of packing boxes- no doubt full of more decorations. "I'm not sure I want to thank Alice for putting makeup on me when I was out to it."

"A girl has to do…what a girl has to do" she chimed before breaking into a fit of giggles, "You are a much better subject you know Bella… when you can't protest or wriggle. Oh and you look gorgeous by the way. So…you can thank me whenever you like." Her eyebrows shot up in expectation, as she waited impatiently for me to display my gratitude.

I groaned out loud instead and Alice's face fell slightly into a small frown. "You may have become a vampire Bella, but it seems like you haven't changed at all. Hmpf" she huffed, "I had hoped you would have lost your aversion to makeovers when you were one of us."

"Sorry Alice, I don't think that will ever happen, although I am glad you cleaned me up." I smiled at her sincerely. "I must have been a mess...so… thanks… I guess" I said slowly before throwing my hands up in the air and hiding my face in them, waiting for Alice's reaction to me thanking her for her skills with a blush brush and lipstick.

_She didn't disappoint me with her over reaction…_

Alice clapped her hands together and she squealed before throwing herself at me and wrapping her arms around me in the fiercest hug she had ever given me, "Not a problem Bella…anytime. Really" she beamed as I peeked through my fingers at her; "You only have to say the word and you'll be in makeover heaven" she promised looking excited.

"Don't hold your breath waiting" I laughed, throwing a little vampire humor into the conversation to get away from the very real threat of making any sort of deal with Alice about future makeovers. I didn't relish the thought of being her personal doll to dress up for all of eternity, and I could tell by the twinkle in her eyes, that she was planning on ways to convert me to the dark side of all things fashion and makeup related as soon as possible.

"Take a look at how great you look before you say no Bella." Alice said confident both in her beautician skills and her ability at persuasion. She spun me around to face a large window of mirrored glass. My reflection startled me- I had to admit…I looked good! Being a vampire seemed to agree with me. I looked pretty much the same, although my entire body seemed more toned, the slightest hint of muscle sculpting evident on my long slender pale arms. My hair looked pretty good, considering I had spent the past three days laid up, not a 'bed head' affected tress in sight.

I quickly saw that my eyes were a deep red color where once they had been a chocolate colored brown, so I didn't linger on them. Edward had explained that my eyes would start off tinged with red and change to a golden color, more like his own after a month or so of living on animal blood. I was going to try and avoid looking in mirrors until then. I didn't like the thought of having red glowing eyes.

"You look beautiful" Edward whispered beside me, "Like always…" he added planting a kiss to my temple, as I continued to stare in the glass at my reflection.

"What do you think of your outfit?" Alice asked "I designed it just for you." She beamed with pride.

The dress I wore was not really like anything I would ever choose for myself but it was perfect. A powder blue silk dress cascaded to just above my knees, its V neck design, showing a hint of cleavage but nothing more, the spaghetti straps tied at my shoulders with a simple bow. I looked like some sort of goddess rather than the plain old Bella I was accustomed to looking at.

"I love it" I grinned at Alice, for the first time showing excitement at how she had dressed me, which was something Alice did not miss.

"Yay!" she squealed, "I might convert you yet. Jazz..." she shouted a little louder than necessary, "You might get your wish! I might drag Bella off to some fashion shows instead of you, if she keeps up such an appreciation for fashion!"

"Let's not get carried away Alice." I laughed a little nervously.

Edward spun me towards him and lifted my arm gracefully from my side and kissed the back of my right hand, "You are breathtaking Bella. I must be the luckiest vampire on the planet."

I didn't answer Edward's compliment though, I was too distracted staring at my arm, in particular the hint of my inner wrist that I could see with the way Edward was holding my hand in front of my face. Just on the edge of my wrist, I could see the faint scar that showed where Rose had bitten me, just three days ago. I rolled my hand slightly in Edward's allowing me a better view - I could see that my skin had been healed by the venom that had changed me, and only a faint line, a silver colored snaking scar remained. Unthinkingly I raised my free hand and traced the scars oval pattern with my finger, all the while wondering where Rose and Emmett were and considering ways of bringing up the subject of their whereabouts.

Edward sighed at the sight of me touching my scar and I tensed slightly worried by his reaction. I dropped my both my hands quickly back to my side. Looking up into his troubled face as he stood in front of me, my curiosity could not be contained any longer; I had to ask the question that was consuming me more so than my thirst.

"Where….where is Emmett and Rose?" I blurted out, nervous to hear the answer but desperate to know at the same time.

Edward answered quickly like he had been waiting for me to ask, "I'd tell you if I knew but I don't "he sighed, "They haven't come back yet… not since…not since Rose left, after she bit you."

I was pleased to hear that Edward spoke of the biting 'incident' without any hint of anger in his voice.

"Alice knows where they are" he continued explaining softly, "But she won't tell anyone and she's blocking me from her thoughts." Edward scowled toward Alice, who merely stared back at him showing no hint of emotion on her elfin like face.

"Why? Why haven't they come back" I asked confused. _Surely it had all been cleared up that I had asked Rose to bite me and everyone was over it._ "Alice did you see everything that happened…in a vision?"

Alice nodded once in answer.

"Did you explain everything that happened with Rose and me? Did you tell everyone..." looking over at Edward I clarified, "did you explain to Edward that _this _is what I wanted…what I asked for?" I put every emotion I could into my voice and my expression, trying to impress upon Edward how much being changed meant to me and how much I wanted him to be ok with it.

"Of course I did Bella" Alice answered almost snapping at me. "If I have to explain what I saw one more time, I might lose my mind!" she huffed sounding irritated.

"So what's the problem then?" I asked feeling slightly bewildered. "Why aren't they back already? You're not still angry with Rose are you Edward?" I asked, hoping like hell he was going to say no he wasn't.

"No." he answered quietly looking deeply into my eyes, "I'm not angry Bella…but everyone's still worried I might change my mind at some point and try to kill Rose." Edward shrugged; "Even though I have told them I won't and I'm sure Alice has seen nothing that indicates anything different" he shot his sister an irritated look before sighing and turning back to face me. "Rose has flat out refused all attempts Emmett had made to bring her back home and she promised to stay away…at least…until you were conscious again."

"Oh" I managed to reply. _Emmett and Rose had fled their own house and isolated themselves from their family… because of me. I had to fix this…now._

"Alice" I asked sweetly.

"Yes Bella?" she said replied back in a matching sickly sweet voice, feigning innocence, as if she didn't already know what I was going to ask her.

"Can I have your phone please?" I asked playing along with her little charade for everyone else's benefit.

"Yes of course." She smiled crossing the room, her cell phone already clutched in her petite little hand as if she had just been waiting for me to ask for it.

"Good. Alice…. They will answer my call won't they?" I asked knowing she would be able to give me the answer to my question.

"Yes" she nodded, confirming my suspicion that she had already had a vision of the events that were about to unfold.

"Good. Let's sort this out and get all of my family back here." I smiled at the thought of being able to fix what I had caused.

Putting my family back together would be my first act as a vampire.

"Bella are you sure you don't want to hunt first? You must be uncomfortably thirsty right now. This call to Rose and Emmett has waited this long…it can wait another hour or two." Edward offered beside me.

_Ever the attentive boyfriend worrying about me…sometimes Edward's worry though bordered on being irritating rather than sweet._

I brushed off his concerned, "No Edward, my thirst can wait, it isn't that bad. My family…fixing all this tension…that is more important at the moment to me."

_The fire in my throat could wait another few hours, it wasn't that bad….yet; it only felt like a small forest fire had taken hold in my larynx. I could handle that burn easily, after the pain of the past few days._

I noticed Edward sigh again before he glanced in Jasper's direction with what could only be described as a questioning look on his face. Jasper's slight answering nod, confirmed that I was feeling ok and in control enough to wait to hunt. I was thankful that Jasper could satisfy Edward, and let him know that I would be fine to wait a while longer before hunting, but it slightly grated on my nerves, that Edward didn't just take my word for it in the first place. _What was I chopped liver?_

I heard another sigh from Edward and decided to ignore him and his sighs of resignation.

Alice giggled as she crossed the room, distracting me from my irritated mood, which I was beginning to blame on my increasing hunger…it made sense that I'd get crabby when I got hungry, I had always been hardwired that way.

Not that I was going to for one second admit any of this out loud and have Edward know he was right, or that I really probably should postpone this call and hunt first instead.

I could suffer the pain a little longer, this call was important.

I swear I heard Edward mutter lower than a whisper from his spot beside me, something that sounded a lot like, "Still as stubborn as ever." I whipped my head in his direction glaring at him accusingly but he just smiled sweetly at me, his eyes full of love, showing no trace that he had spoken.

_I must have been hearing things…stupid ears; I seemed to somehow have acquired a faulty 'extra' sense of vampire hearing…how typical and classically Bella!_

What are you giggling at Alice" I asked as I took in the smirk that was plastered on her face.

"I was just thinking…." She giggled again, "There's hope for you yet Bella."

"What on earth are you on about Alice?" I asked still completely confused as to why she looked at me now with an expression akin to how a proud parent looked at their child.

_Was she always this irritating? No. _I decided that, _it must be my hunger getting to me again._ _Get a grip!_ I chastised myself.

"Well... look at you…first you thank me for your makeover, then you like the dress I put you in and now this…you've barely been awake for more than a few minutes and one of the first things you want to do is talk on the phone." She sighed. "See….hope for you yet."

Edward and I groaned at the same time. "Just give me the damn phone Alice."

I thrust my hand out to snatch her phone and startled myself with the speed of my own movement. "That might take some getting used to." I laughed, all irritation gone from my mood again.

My mood swings were so wild- I was in danger of giving myself whiplash.

Dialing Rose's number, I considered what I would say to get her and Emmett to come back. Alice laughed out loud and nodded to me and Edward must have been listening in on Alice's vision because he cocked his eyebrows at me and a slight smirk tugged at the corners of his mouth.

I figured with those two reactions, the conversation was going to go well.

Emmett answered Rose's cell phone on the third ring and I was greeted by his deep booming voice. " Hi. Rose can't come to the phone right now Alice…" he answered in his best impersonation of an answering machine, "Please leave a message after the...OUCH! What did you do that for Rose?" he roared.

"Because you're an idiot…now hand me _my _phone." I heard Rose demand, "Or I'll do it again. Alice would only be calling if it was important…what we were doing can wait!" she snapped.

"But baby…we were…Argh forget it" he huffed sounding disappointed with the interruption. "Uh…Hi, Emmett…it's not Alice, it's Bella, can you put Rose on please?" I stuttered out trying to stop all thoughts about what I had probably just interrupted.

"Bella! Why didn't you say so? How are you?" he asked sounding excited to hear my voice.

"I'm great Emmett, can you put Rose on for me please." I asked as patiently as possible, a hint of annoyance creeping into my voice- as much as I loved Emmett, I wanted to talk to Rose and get them both back here in the flesh to catch up.

A loud whack sounded on the other end of the line followed almost instantaneously with the sounds of Emmett cursing, it sounded like he had just felt the wrath of Rose's famous right hook. A second or so of complete silence ensued, before Rose's voice drifted down the line. "Bella?" she said softly, "Sorry about my husband, he's an idiot…although you already knew that." She tried to sound cheery but it came out sounding anxious and forced.

"How…how are you?" she asked somewhat timidly and unlike the Rose I was used to.

It was disconcerting to hear her voice sounding anything other than confident and self assured. I felt the guilt of what my request had done to her settle squarely on my shoulders- there it would stay until everything was put right again.

I understood now why she had stayed away, Rose was not just worried about Edward, she was worried about how I would react to what she had almost done when she had struggled to stop draining me of my blood, when she had almost killed me.

I had to reassure her that everything was going to be ok, that I was ok.

"Rose. I'm fine thanks, better than fine actually, I feel great."

I paused, before speaking again, "Rose can you and Emmett please come back home now?"

"I'm not sure about that." Rose sounded nervous, "I'm not sure that I'm wanted back there. I'm sure Edward is still pretty pissed at me."

"Don't worry about Edward" I smile looking over at him "I'll take care of him."

Edward looked at me with a smug smirk on his face and I wondered what on earth he was thinking- obviously he wasn't feeling intimidated by my threat, he was grinning rather than cowering in fear.

"Don't worry Rose, Edward isn't angry with you anymore" I assured her, "You can sort things out between the two of you and clear the air once you're back home, _and _if he still insists on acting like an idiot or even remotely thinks of hurting you…Alice will let me know and then I will just have to restrain him… until he sees sense." I added in a serious tone, while simultaneously flashing a seductive smile, followed by a wink in Edward's direction.

I was starting to see what Jasper meant about how easily distracted I was…

My thoughts of getting Rose and Emmett back home and keeping Rose safe by restraining Edward to keep him from harming her, had fluidly changed in my mind to thoughts of holding Edward my captive for completely less innocent and more selfish reasons.

It was a bit of a shock, how my mind and emotions seemed to be all over the place. I had gone from family counseling to erotic images of rendering Edward unable to escape my clutches in less than a second.

As I was drawn back from my thoughts I noticed that everyone in the room had broken into loud laughter and the they were all staring at the shocked expression Edward was sporting - it was pretty priceless I must admit, he looked like he was almost embarrassed, and if possible that he would be blushing. His face reminded me of a deer in headlights, eyes open wide and staring at me unblinkingly. I guess he was still shocked at the sexy way I had not so subtly suggested with my about how I would really like to restrain him.

_Thank god he didn't know what I had been thinking! _I thought to myself, thankful that my thoughts were somehow hidden from Edward.

"Don't look at me that way Edward Cullen" I smiled a teasing edge to my voice now that the mood had lifted a little. "You know I'm stronger than you at the moment. Don't make me hurt you."

Edward chuckled beside me and I was glad to see that he seemed relaxed, amused even; and that he had regained his composure.

"Rose. Please come home. I want all of my family here." I asked softly, hoping to convince her of my sincerity.

"Ok Bella. We'll be home as soon as we can." She said her tone of voice a little more like the Rose I was used to hearing, stronger and more certain.

"Good. I'll see you soon." I said beaming with my sense of accomplishment.

Saying goodbye and snapping the phone shut, I looked over to Edward. "Don't you dare hold any of what has happened in the past few days against Rose or so help me Edward Cullen…I _will _spend my first day as a vampire fighting with you" I warned with a slight growl to my voice, before pulling his face close to mine, his mouth less than a couples of inches from my own and dropping my voice to barely a whisper, I added "and fighting with you is NOT how I imagined spending our first day together."

Edward leant his body closer still, so that his lips just grazed mine, before he swept his mouth to my ear, kissing my lobe gently, his breath tickling my neck and sending tingles of pure pleasure shooting down my body.

I remained frozen in place trying to focus my thoughts and desires, remembering there were others in the room. I controlled the urge to tackle Edward to the floor and rip his clothes off his body by reciting the alphabet backwards to force me to concentrate on anything other than how I was feeling.

Edward chuckled softly in my ear, no doubt sensing my desire, before whispering in a low sensual voice, "I don't want to fight with you either. I have some plans of my own, plans that involve making love, rather than war."

My breath hitched in excitement, at the thought of Edward and me making love finally, but I kept myself in check, by leaning away from his touch and the intoxicating aroma that Edward emitted from every cell in his body, still reciting the alphabet…

_i,h,g,f,e,d,c,b,a…damn no more letters!_

Taking a deep breath I pulled myself together and smiled proudly at both the little internal victory that I had claimed against my raging emotions despite Edward's whispered plans. I figured if I could resist Edward telling me about how he planned on making love to me, and not give in to the temptation of ripping his clothes off right there- then I could handle any human temptation this vampire gig could throw at me.

"Well….let's not fight then…ok? I'm more of a lover than a fighter too" I replied unable to stifle my nervous giggle.

"Good. Truce then…no fighting" he answered sounding somewhat breathless, and I knew that he was feeling the same intense desire that I was.

"Oh for the love of god Bella, can you stop all that X rated planning you're doing in your head! You too Edward!" Alice interrupted our private little moment by shouting and shooting glares between us. "I can see everything you're both planning and I'm really not one for peep shows! Please try to control yourselves." Alice finished, crossing her arms over her chest and looking annoyed.

"Oops, sorry Alice." I said only slightly embarrassed.

"Don't be, love" Edward whispered pulling me in close to him again, "I'm not."

"Oh get a room already!" Alice yelled, covering her eyes as if that would save her from her visions, before stalking blindly from the room bumping into the door jamb as she escaped to the kitchen. Her shrill voice echoed from through the doorway, "F.Y.I, Rose and Emmett will be back in just over an hour….for anyone who wanted to know."

"Yes…well" Carlisle cleared his throat and looked at Edward and I. "Maybe we should _all_ leave you two alone to um…catch up."

"No need Carlisle" I assured him firmly back in control of my faculties thanks to Alice's little tirade. "Would you like some help finishing off the decorating while we wait for Emmett and Rose to come home." I offered.

Esme answered, "We're almost finished here, but it would be great if you and Edward could take all these empty boxes back to the garage." She smiled handing us each a small tower of boxes.

"Sure. No problem Esme" I answered while juggling the boxes to stop them from falling.

"Race you to the garage" Edward grinned, reminding me that I now should be able to run super fast, without being in danger of falling over.

I couldn't help the smile that erupted on my face at the thought, "Catch me if you can Edward!" I called before dashing off through the door.

Seconds later, I had won our little race and the boxes were stacked neatly in the garage.

I flashed Edward a smile of sheer enjoyment, "I'm starting to see what all you vampires like so much about speed. "

"Care to take your new legs for a _real _run?" Edward asked with a glint of excitement in his eyes, "We've got plenty of time to go hunting before Rose and Emmett get back."

"Well I am a little thirsty" I admitted.

Grabbing my hand in his, Edward and I ran out of the garage on our very first hunting trip together.

On the outside I was laughing and smiling, on the inside I was nervous as hell. I was about to go on my first hunt and about to have my first feed of animal blood- I had no clue what I was doing and Edward was going to be watching me.

"You'll be fine" Edward reassured me, obviously seeing the concern written all over my face.

"Easy for you to say…you've done this before. I don't have a great track record with animals…once Renee organized a baby animal petting zoo for my 5th birthday…let's just say the animals didn't like me and the feeling was mutual…and now here I am about to hunt down a fully grown wild animal. You can see why I might be a little concerned." I grimaced at the memory of being attacked by animals that were meant to be cute and cuddly.

_Yeah cute and cuddly with sharp little teeth and claws. I'd ended up with sticking plaster dotted all over my sobbing, petrified little body by the time my party was over._ _Baby animals were just fluffy looking assassins laying in wait for poor unsuspecting children if you asked me!_

As I thought about that day many years ago, I realized that my human memories seemed to have crossed over with me when I had changed; Edward had warned me they may fade, but so far it seemed…so good. I still remembered my old life, even the more unpleasant bits.

"It's instinctual Bella…you'll do great" Edward smiled in an attempt to boost my confidence, before adding with a laugh, "and if you prefer we could start off with something easy…a squirrel perhaps?"

"Ha Ha funny man," I poked my tongue out at Edward, "Quit teasing me and give me some helpful pointers already!"

"Sure" he shrugged nonchalantly, "You might as well learn from a master I suppose."

"Get on with it Edward…I'm parched here" I shot back in reply at his condescending tone.

I was honestly beginning to feel nothing short of famished, and my desire to quench my thirst was quickly overriding my ability to think clearly. I could tell now how being a newborn vampire could be dangerous, I felt myself being lost to my hunger with every second that ticked past.

All traces of teasing drained from Edward's voice as he launched immediately into his instruction, "Take a deep breath, what can you smell?" he asked.

Breathing deeply I noticed that smells assaulted my nose from every direction, they were like nothing I had ever experienced before. "Everything" I breathed in amazement, "I can smell everything."

Edward smiled, "Now you understand why our kind insist on breathing Bella, even though we don't need to...it's a pleasurable experience when you have such heightened senses. Now…can you smell anything that appeals to you?" he asked.

Inhaling deeply I noticed two distinct smells that stood out above all others, two scents that appealed to me and made me hungry in very different ways, one scent I knew was Edward and that hunger was easily explained. I looked at him out of the corner of my eye and smirked, almost considering forgoing my thirst and the hunt and instead attacking him.

"Apart from me Bella…"he said dryly taking in my lust filled gaze.

_Damn perceptive vampire!_

Inhaling again I noticed the other scent, stronger now; it was a smell I recognized, rust smelling…blood. Concentrating, I could hear the heartbeat of several unidentified animals not far away. "Ok I smell animals too…well their blood." I clarified. "Off to the north a little."

"Excellent" Edward praised me, "What you smell is a small herd of deer." He looked over at me, "Are you game enough to try and catch Bambi Bella?" a mocking tone once again in his voice.

"I'm thirsty enough I could drain Bambi's whole herd and still fit Thumper in for dessert" I laughed. "Come on lets go hunt down some poor defenseless animals."

With that I took off towards the direction of the scent that now filled my nose, giving in to my thirst and finding the instincts that Edward had assured me were inside me. I flew through the trees, paying no mind to the twigs that snagged in my hair when I got a little too close to a branch or to the slight scratching sensation on my skin when I grazed a tree branch. Obviously the running through the forest thing was going to take a while for me to get used too.

I laughed out loud thinking about how just days ago as a human, I could barely walk through a forest without accident or injury, now I was running at blinding speed without a single stumble. Edward laughed beside me, "Enjoying yourself?" he asked.

"Immensely" I laughed back, before increasing my speed and leaving him several yards behind me.

Approaching a small stream I slowed from a run into a slow walk and then a crouch as I spotted three deer lapping gently at the edge of the water. I sprang and easily dragged one of the does down with my strength- it didn't even have time to run thanks to my speed and the surprise of my attack.

The force of the impact knocked the deer and me with it headlong into the stream and I felt the cold water soak through my clothes, a brief annoyance that I had gotten wet was all that registered before I focused on my prey and my thirst. I felt a rush of liquid as venom flowed into my mouth coating my teeth for the first time, preparing for the kill…my first.

Sinking my teeth into the deer's throat I felt the warm blood rush into my mouth and I sucked it down greedily. I had been a little worried about how I would react to tasting blood for the first time but I needn't have…it tasted nothing short of delicious. I felt the fire in my throat extinguish as I continued to drink from the now lifeless form underneath me.

Once I was satisfied that I had drained the last drop of blood from the deer carcass I was straddling, I climbed off it and wiped my mouth dramatically with the back of my hand to clean off any traces of blood and looked up at Edward, who was leaning against a tree smiling at me, "Right! Now….where's Thumper" I joked, looking around the forest.

Instead of laughing, Edward just kept staring at me. "What?" I asked self conscious all of a sudden, "Do I have some deer stuck in my teeth or something?" I tried joking again, beginning to feel uncomfortable with the silence between us and Edward's piercing stare.

Still Edward just stared back, silent. I felt my nerves soar."Did I do something wrong? What is it Edward?" Why are you looking at me like that?" I demanded.

"Sorry" he smiled shaking his head as if trying to clear his mind. "Relax Bella; you look nothing short of exquisite right now." He assured me.

"Oh. Well…that's alright then." I replied slowly but still confused by his stare. "Um Edward…why were you looking at me like that?"

"Look down Bella." Was all he said.

So I did…and I understood in a second why he was staring at me. The dress Alice had designed and so carefully dressed me in, was now completely drenched from where I had fallen in the stream. The silk clinging to my body, every curve accentuated- the expensive fabric now almost transparent, thanks to my little impromptu dip.

Suddenly I felt almost naked, and if I had been able to…I would have blushed furiously under Edward's gaze.

Edward darted to my side as I attempted to cross my arms over my almost exposed regions. "Don't "he breathed "Don't cover yourself and hide from me Bella; you've never looked more beautiful" he finished by placing his hands on my hips and pulling me into a tight embrace.

"Edward…I'll get you all wet" I mumbled half heartedly - not really wanting to leave his arms. I loved the feel of our bodies pressed together so closely, I could feel every muscle in Edward's body as he held me.

"Let's get back home" Edward said, sounding slightly breathless, his voice heavy with desire. "Rose and Emmett will be back soon."

"Ok" I muttered somewhat disappointed that he still seemed able to show such self control despite his obvious desire for my body. I didn't object though, we would have plenty of time for lovemaking once everything was sorted between Rose and him.

Edward crushed me closer to his chest rather than releasing me and growled in my ear, "Later Bella…later I am going to show you how incredibly aroused I am right now, and how much I want you…_need _you." he promised sealing it with a forceful kiss to my forehead, "Tonight..when I have time to make love to you properly. I want us to take our time Bella, to explore each others bodies, to experience each other completely…we've waited so long for this…" he trailed off dipping his head to kiss me chastely on the lips.

In truth I liked that Edward wanted to make our first time so perfect, it would be much more romantic than any quickie in the forest could be; although I wouldn't try to stop him if he had decided to make love to me on the bare ground.

"Let's go" he added quickly, "Before you do or say something to make me change my mind about what I just said."

"Damn you and your self control" I muttered the familiar grumble of mine, reminiscent of my human days and many nights spent frustrated; this time though I was saying it in jest rather than out of real frustration. Edward was right, our first time should be special and perfect, like I had imagined so many hundreds of times over the years since we had first met and fallen in love.

We had waited for this long already to make love to one another-- a few extra hours would be tolerable…just.

"Come on, you horny little newborn" Edward chuckled grabbing my hand as we broke into a trot and then run, as we headed back towards the house. "Let's get back home so Rose and I can kiss and make up, we can make an appearance at this little party of Alice's and then after…" he left his words unfinished but the lust was obvious in his eyes as he stared at me.

I returned his lustful gaze and ran even faster homeward bound.

* * *

_Next chapter will see Emmett & Rose finally reappear._


	16. Apologies

**Ok first things first. I changed my mind about making the next few updates all part of one big chapter titled the First Day of Forever. I will go back and fix that up in the previous Chapter and rename it.  
**

**This is chapter 16 and it is titled 'Apologies'. Emmett and Rose return in this chapter and a few surprising developments are also discussed.  
**

**I stopped short of going into the party because I have decided it deserves its own chapter and title...so it is next,lol.**

**I hope you enjoy this chapter as much as I enjoyed putting it down out of my imagination.**

**BTW~Stephenie Meyer owns twilight...in case you didn't know,lol.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 16**

**Apologies **

**BPOV**

The first thing I noticed as we broke through the cover of the trees was the red sports car in the drive.

Rose and Emmett were back.

I was excited to see they were home finally, but nervous to think about how the reunion between us all was going to play out.

I looked over at Edward to gauge his reaction- he seemed calm for which I was thankful.

Slowing from our run to a walk, we made our way slowly back to the house, stopping only briefly when Edward pointed out that I was still wearing a dripping wet dress, before handing me his white button down shirt to wear over the top of my ruined garment, until I had a chance to change.

Slipping my arms inside the long sleeves of the shirt that smelled thickly of Edward, I tried hard not to be distracted by his now bare chest, or by watching the way his taut muscles rippled as we continued walking back to the house.

If was good practice for me; controlling my newborn emotions and my slightly skittish mind-plus Edward made pretty nice eye candy.

Bounding up the porch steps, we were greeted at the door by Carlisle's smiling face, "Edward and Bella, can you join the rest of us in the dining room please?" Carlisle asked."Now that everyone is here I'd like to have a family meeting to discuss everything that has happened over the past few days."

"Of course." I answered for both of us, "We'll just quickly clean up and be down." I called behind me, dashing up the stairs and quickly changing into a pair of jeans and blouse; Edward retreated to the bathroom like a true gentleman, to give me my privacy and to replace his shirt.

Once we were decent we made our way downstairs and silently took a seat each at the large antique table. Emmett sat across the table from me, smiling like always, no hint of nerves in his posture as he slung his arm loosely around Roses' shoulder where she sat beside him. Rose on the other hand was staring at her lap, avoiding meeting the gaze of Edward or myself as we sat opposite her, busying herself by picking imaginary lint off her sweater.

Everyone else at the table seemed relaxed-Rose and I, the only ones who showed any outward display of discomfort. Despite being a vampire, who didn't need to move…I couldn't help but move around restlessly in my seat.

I had never sat in on a Cullen family meeting before; it was an odd thought that a family of vampires even had them but I guess like all families they had issues that needed to be discussed from time to time. I was glad that Carlisle had suggested the idea though, because I was confident that he would keep everyone in line, just like a regular father would, and he could always call on Jasper's expertise if required, to calm the situation.

Edward leaned over and took my hand in his to still it. I hadn't noticed that I was tapping my finger on the tabletop, a nervous habit that remained from my old life.

"Everything will be fine Bella, please relax, you're making _me_ jittery." He whispered into my ear trying to calm me.

"Sorry" I whispered taking his hand and squeezing it, "I can't help being nervous…this is all because of me."

"Hey." He chuckled, "I thought I was the one who always found a way to blame myself for everything." He teased, trying further to alleviate my concern.

"I promise to behave Bella." He promised nudging my knee.

"Right." Carlisle stated calmly from his seat at the head of the table. "I've called this meeting so that we can clear the air and put to rest the events of the last few days. First of all, I want to officially welcome Bella to the family." He turned his face to look at me, his smile nothing short of brilliant.

"Thanks Carlisle" I returned his smile.

"Secondly" he spoke again, the smile disappearing from his face, "I want us all to discuss what happened in order for Bella to truly join our family." He looked between Rose and Edward. "Rose…would you like to start?" he asked her gently.

"Ok." She answered meekly before raising her face and staring into my eyes her voice shaky and full of emotion, "I'm sorry Bella…not for doing what you asked me to… but for what I almost did." Her eyes dropped to the table as she finished her apology, a look of shame crossing her face.

I couldn't stand to see Rose hurting for a second longer. "Rose…please look at me." I pleaded. "Rose you have nothing to apologize for. I asked for this, I knew the risks and I'm not upset or disappointed with you….Rose…you _stopped_…you gave me everything I wanted…you gave me a family again…a future with Edward." I stood up and moved around the table stopping beside the seat she was occupying. "Rose…I don't want to hear you apologize, I don't want you to be sorry for what you did. I don't want to see my sister in pain." I finished gently, watching as she raised her gaze to meet mine.

"Thank you Bella" she choked out, her dry eyes disguising the obvious emotion of the moment, before completely shocking me by throwing herself into my arms and hugging me. "I'm so glad that you aren't mad with me."

"Mad?" I said in wonder at how unnecessary her concern had been, "Rose, I am forever indebted to you…you've given me everything I've ever wished for."

"Yeah you can't help it that Bella is insane and dreamt of becoming a vampire" Emmett shouted in jest, causing Rose and I to both chuckle.

"He's right you know." I said to Rose, "I never thought I'd be saying that about Emmett" I teased, "but he's right."

Edward however looked less than impressed with Emmett's little joke as he practically snarled, "You think it is something to joke about Emmett…Bella being in pain for the last three days?" You think it is something else you can tease her about?" he stood up from his seat, looking menacing.

This was what I had feared, an overreaction on Edward's part, his ability to take to one innocent little comment and turn it into something it wasn't. Emmett had just been the unfortunate one to first utter something that could somehow be twisted into something sinister in Edward's mind.

"Cut it out Edward!" I snapped at him as I moved back to my seat, "Shut up, sit the hell down and stop blaming everyone including yourself for everything that _I_ decide to do! I wanted this, I am over the moon about how everything has turned out, so quit it with your anger management issues." I snapped before sighing and adding, "Emmett was joking and I for one thought it was funny and pretty darn accurate" I finished by flashing a smile at Emmett.

Edward snapped his mouth closed and sat down, looking for lack of a better word perplexed. A strange silent conversation now taking place between Carlisle and him, judging by the looks they were shooting each other. I hated how they could do that!

"Anything you two care to share with the rest of us?" I asked sarcastically, sounding very much like a teacher who had caught two children passing notes in class.

"Um…no" Carlisle answered looking at me and answering carefully, "what we were _discussing _Bella is unrelated to this issue. Edward or I will share with you what we were considering at a later date." He finished, effectively closing off the subject. "Now" he said, "Edward and Rose, you two need to sort out your differences…who would like to speak first?" he asked.

"I will." Edward said quietly. Gesturing first toward Emmett as he spoke, "Bella's right…I overreacted at what you said Em. I'm sorry…will you accept my apology?"

"Yeah dude, of course." Emmett said sounding surprised by Edward's apology but accepting it none the less.

"Thank you Emmett" Edward smiled slightly, before shifting his gaze to Rose.

I tensed slightly in my seat waiting to hear the words that were going to tumble from his mouth.

Edward looked down at me for a brief second and smiled indicating that everything was going to be ok, before returning his gaze to Rose. "Rose…I'm glad that you are back. I _was_ angry with you, I won't deny it. I wanted nothing more than to hunt you down and tear you to pieces when I first saw what you had done to Bella…" he was cut short by Emmett's interruption, "Edward" he growled, "Tread carefully with what you say next, " he warned, "Rose has been through hell these last few days."

"It's okay Emmett" Rose muttered, "It's nothing I don't deserve" she insisted tugging on his shirt trying to get him to sit back down.

"Let me finish what I am trying to say please Emmett" Edward said in a strained voice, pinching the bridge of his nose with his fingertips.

Emmett sat back in his chair, his posture still defensive as he leant towards Rose, ready to protect or comfort her, whichever was necessary.

"What I was trying to say…obviously poorly." Edward continued, "Was that I did feel angry at you but I don't anymore. I know that Bella wanted _this_…I always knew that Bella wanted this…I was just too damn stubborn to admit that it was never my decision to make." He smiled down at me again and bent down to place a chaste kiss on my lips, before standing to readdress Rose.

"How could I be mad at you Rose?" he asked his tone soft and sincere. "You've given me Bella, my soul mate…you did what I could not bring myself to do, and while becoming a vampire was never the path I would have chosen for Bella, it is the path that _she_ has chosen and I cannot pretend to be sorry about it. I'm the happiest I have ever been and I have you to thank for that." He finished his voice thick with emotion.

"Rose?" Carlisle prompted softly, "Is there anything you would like to say?"

"Yes" she said in a much stronger sounding voice her eyes set on Edward's face, "I'm so unbelievably happy that you understand why I did what I did Edward, I was worried that you would hate me. Before we can move on from this I need to tell you why I did what I did." She said her voice now sounding full of purpose and confidence. "Edward I agreed to Bella's request not only because she asked me too or because she told my how much she wanted it, but also because I wanted to see you happy. You deserve to have a mate to share your life with Edward…I've watched you spend so many years alone. When Bella came into your life…you changed completely, you smiled, you laughed, you came alive. I wanted you to have that for more than a few years, more than what a human life would allow…I wanted a future to be possible for both of you." She smiled at the two of us. "I love you both." She finished quietly before sitting back in her chair, keeping her head held high for the first time.

"Thanks Rose. That means a lot to me" I smiled, trying to convey the emotion that I was feeling inside me but feeling like I was falling short. Her words had touched me to the core; they were so loving, honest and unexpected.

I knew in that moment that our relationship had changed, Rose and I really would be like sisters from now on. She cared for me and somehow this whole experience had bonded us forever.

"So can we finally stop talking about _this_ and start getting ready for the party we are having tonight?" Alice asked almost whining.

Carlisle chuckled, "I think so Alice…unless anyone else has anything to say?" he looked around the table at our smiling faces.

"I would like to say something…quickly" Esme said, looking at Alice to let her know that she would not take long with what she wanted to add.

"Yes dear?" Carlisle asked lovingly, taking his wife's hand in his.

Esme swept her eyes over us all before speaking, "I am just so glad to see my family back together again and I wanted to tell you all how proud of you I am and how much I love you all." She beamed.

Calls of "We love you too Mom." Echoed through the room as Emmett, Rose, Alice, Jasper, Edward and I all spoke in unison. Esme really was like a mother to us and Carlisle really was a father figure. This new family of mine was certainly different to any other family on the planet, but it was completely normal in one vital way…we all cared about, and looked out for each other.

"Right!" Alice shouted springing from her chair, "I declare this meeting over! Now….let's get this party started!" she squealed excitedly. "Bella, Rose, Esme…can you all come with me please?" she asked sweetly, "I have plans for us for the rest of the afternoon. You men…"she said waving her hand in the air dismissively, "Can do whatever it is you do."

I kissed Edward on the cheek before letting Alice drag me toward the stairs and I assumed her bedroom and a waiting make over. I knew better than to resist Alice, and I couldn't even find it in myself to protest. I was looking forward to spending the afternoon talking to the female members of my family, plus… I had some question about tonight that I needed to ask them.

**EPOV**

What happened during our family meeting took me completely by surprise. When Bella had snapped at me to sit down and shut up I had been shocked by her outburst and to be honest, completely puzzled.

As soon as the ladies disappeared upstairs to begin their 'girl time' I asked Carlisle if I could speak with him in private. There was something I needed to continue discussing with him as soon as possible and I had some questions for him about tonight and my planned _activities_.

I tackled the easier…well the more comfortable discussion first, leaving the discomfort of all questions directly related to the fact that I was over 100 years old and still a virgin, for later.

"Of course Edward." He agreed, "We have much to discuss."

Emmett and Jasper were already engrossed in a discussion about the party, planning a prank by the sound of their thoughts, so they barely noticed us leave the house.

Once we were sure we were out of earshot of the house, and the vampires inside it, I rounded on Carlisle my eyes alight with excitement and I found my enthusiasm mirrored in Carlisle's expression. "Did you see what happened back in there?"

"Yes" he chuckled," I barely contained myself when I realized what was happening. Do you think she has any clue?" he asked.

"I don't think she has any idea" I answered honestly shaking my head in amazement.

"If we are correct in our assumptions….then Bella has a powerful and potentially dangerous talent to learn to control on top of being a newborn." Carlisle warned despite his obvious enjoyment of our recent discovery.

"Have you ever seen anything like it before Carlisle?" I asked knowing that Carlisle was well studied in the area of vampire gifts.

"Never" he breathed unable to contain his excitement and wonder. I could hear him planning out his studies of Bella's talent in his head already.

"I have known others of our kind who had powerful minds but nothing to this extent, most were limited to one specific are of specialty...but to have the power to influence peoples thoughts and action so completely, so forcefully…I have never come across anything like it in my three hundred years of study." He spoke in unbridled amazement.

"I…I don't know how to tell her …or if I even should yet." I said quietly, hoping that Carlisle could advise me of what to do. He really was a Father to me in all the ways that mattered. I was thankful to have his counsel.

"I think Bella needs to be made aware of what she is unconsciously doing Edward, she needs to begin controlling that side of her personality or it could end up hurting her as well as others around her." He warned ominously.

He was right of course, as always.

Bella had somehow unknowingly commanded me to sit down and stop talking, just by merely uttering the words; her talent was powerful and still new and unexplored. I marveled at the memory of how her spoken wish had been a command to my mind and to my body and so completely out of my control. I had been like a puppet on a string with Bella's words acting as the puppeteer.

No one else at the table had noticed, except Carlisle because everyone else was preoccupied with worrying about how I would react to Rose and Emmett's return, and because they were used to me complying with almost every one of Bella's whim.

I on the other hand had been rocked to the core and was now trying to think back over our relationship and reassess whether her talent for coercion was something that had been present even when she was human. Had it made me more prone to giving in to her on occasion in the past? If so I had been able to resist back then…I had often resisted her pleas in the area of intimacy, and I had managed to completely deny her repeated attempts to convince me to change her.

Then there was the other revelation that I was yet to share with Bella. I was as equally nervous about telling her the other surprise I had discovered the moment her heart had stopped beating.

"Carlisle…there's something else I need to tell Bella." I admitted for the first time to anyone.

He gasped in shock beside me, drawing his own conclusions as to what I was about to confess. "You…you can hear her now can't you!" he exclaimed his face almost splitting in two with his large smile.

"Yes." I admitted, enjoying finally being able to tell someone that I could now hear Bella's thoughts. It had always been my wish to be able to understand Bella completely, to know without doubt what she was thinking and what she was feeling…now I could. Something had changed along with Bella, like a wall being taken down- I now had access to her mind.

I had enjoyed the past few hours, secretly hearing her unguarded thoughts, her fears, her fantasies…every thought that had flittered through her head. I was in awe of her self control as a newborn. I had listened to her internal struggles without guilt, and I fell even more deeply in love with the amazing creature that had chosen to spend her life with me, as I witnessed the way in which she handled everything that her new life threw at her- with such grace.

"How do you think Bella is going to take the news that her thoughts aren't private anymore?" Carlisle inquired.

"I don't know…but it worries me that she will be mad at me for not telling her straight away." I really should have told her by now; I knew that, but hadn't been able to make myself form the words to tell her.

"I'm glad it's you and not me that has to tell her! Especially given her gift." Carlisle broke into laughter beside me. "Could you do it in front of me?" he asked hopeful of witnessing Bella's reaction.

"No!" I shouted a little louder than I needed to, thanks to my nerves at the thought of how Bella might react.

"Maybe you should tell Bella about you're being able to hear her thoughts and let her get her head around that, before you break the news to her that she can make people do whatever she tells them." He grinned, "For your own safety" he added not even trying to hide his enjoyment at the thought of what Bella might do to me.

"Gee thanks, Carlisle" I mock punched him in the arm. "You're really going to enjoy watching me squirm aren't you?"

"Like a worm on a hook!"Carlisle laughed, "Come on let's get back to the house before we're missed." He added turning to go home.

"Before we go Carlisle…I have some other questions." I said unable to conceal the reluctance in my voice.

"What is it son? If a vampire could go green, I think you would be. What's on your mind?" he asked looking a little concerned.

"Well…" I said slowly trying to find the words I didn't really want to utter, "Now that Bella is like me, we were thinking of…um consummating our relationship." I said shooting Carlisle a look that I hoped said, _please be kind to me and do not give me a rough time about this!_

"Of course Edward…please don't be embarrassed" he said softly, "I'll answer any questions you have."

I sucked in a deep breath, preparing for possibly the most humiliating, yet educational discussion I had ever had with my vampire Father.

**BPOV**

Sitting on Alice's bed surrounded by every beauty product known to the cosmetic industry and some I was sure she had created herself- I found myself enjoying the light banter between us, as we helped each other prepare for my 'welcome to the family' party. I usually wasn't one for parties but I was excited at the thought of trying out my new legs to see how they could move on a dance floor and because I really wanted to meet some of the other vampires that Edward considered his family of sorts.

"So who's coming tonight?" I asked eager to hear about the people I was to be introduced to rather than going in completely cold and in the dark.

"Don't worry Bella" Esme assured me, "I made sure Alice kept to a small guest list, so that we didn't overwhelm you on your first night. We are only expecting around a dozen or so of our kind, the closest to our family."

"Are they all…vegetarian?" I asked.

"No," she answered, "but that really won't be a problem because this is a strictly all vampire affair." She chuckled reminding me that I no longer had to worry about becoming dinner at such a gathering.

"So Alice…" Rose asked as she sat behind my carefully styling my hair with a hot curling iron, "Who did you invite?"

"Our Denali friends of course" she smiled, "and Jasper's good friends Peter and Charlotte and I'm also expecting some overseas visitors to begin arriving in the next hour or so- Siobhan, Liam, and Maggie from Ireland will be here soon and Alistair, Charles, and Makenna are on their way from Europe and should be here by around seven this evening. I think that is everyone." She finished with a bright smile.

"Sounds like a good group to ease Bella into our world." Rose commented behind me, before leaning forward and whispering in my ear, "They're all lovely Bella and they are going to love you…well most of them will" she laughed mysteriously.

"What do you mean" I asked trying to turn so that I could see her face. Alice started giggling and when Esme joined in I felt like I was missing some big joke and that I was the punch line. "Ok someone tell me NOW "-I emphasized the now part- "what are you all giggling about?"

"Sorry" Alice continued laughing, "We aren't laughing at you Bella, it's just one of our guests has a 'thing' for Edward and…."

Rose cut her off mid explanation, "I think it is more than a 'thing' Alice, more like a full blown obsession." She chuckled.

"Stop it" Esme scolded them, although she still chuckled right along with them. "Tanya is a lovely girl, just a little….intense where Edward is concerned."

"Is this _Tanya _someone I need to be worried about?" I asked feeling slightly jealous that someone else had tried to snare Edward before me.

"Oh gosh no" Alice almost screeched in my ear, "Her attempts to seduce Edward have always failed Bella…he has only ever had eyes for one woman and that's you." She assured me, "And by the time I'm done with you…he won't even notice that Tanya is in the room...unless he trips over her." She said with complete certainty.

"O…k" I said slowly feeling slightly more at ease, but still curious about this Tanya that lusted after Edward. "Is she beautiful?"

_What was I asking, she was a vampire…of course she was beautiful!_

"Oh very" Rose confirmed my suspicions, "But irritating as hell with the way she bats her eyelids and exaggerates her pout, she reminds me of a fish whenever I see her anywhere near Edward. It is nothing short of hilarious Bella…you'll see." She chimed.

Alice declared my hair and makeup, "_Done_" before pulling me up off the bed and ushering me into the bathroom to get dressed, closing the door and assuring me that I need not worry about tonight, and that everything was going to be perfect.

As I dressed into the breathtaking red evening gown that Alice had laid out for me, her assurance of a perfect night, reminded me of the similar words that Edward had whispered to me earlier in the woods. I felt the excitement bubble up inside of me at the thought of being able to finally and completely love each other. I needed to first ask a few questions of my fellow vampire females. I had been intimate with a man before, with Jake when we were married, but I knew nothing about intimacy between vampires.

I had some questions that I shuddered at just the thought of asking, they were so completely ridiculous sounding. Would Alice, Rose and Esme laugh at me when I asked how sex was even possible between vampires when a penis relied on blood flow to achieve an erection? Would they laugh at my question about whether vampire sex was hard and fast like most of their other movements?

Taking a deep breath and wishing I was human for just this one discussion, so that I could have a few shots of liquid courage to prepare- I opened the bathroom door, to see Alice's smiling face. "What would you like to ask first Bella?" she said sweetly.

_Could a vampire throw up? _

_Damn it felt like I was going to_!

Taking one more deep breath, I opened my mouth to ask the first of my humiliating questions….

* * *

**So....what did you think?** _Be honest ...but be nice,lol._

_I am still tossing up whether to throw some lemon content into the upcoming chapter where Ed and Bella finally get their 'groove' on. Le me know via the review button or PM if you prefer to not admit your preference to the world of FF readers,lol._

_I hope to update again soon but am about to be inundated with my parents plus inlaws over the next few days, so I am not too hopeful...I promise to try to get some more chapters ready to update while they are here.  
_


	17. Party Time!

**Ok...I just finished this chapter and wanted to post it before I went off to bed. I am sorry in advance for any mistakes my sleepy eyes have missed...I will check it over tomorrow a bit more thoroughly.**

**I hope you enjoy this chapter. I enjoyed typing it up.**

**SM owns twilight by the way-I on the other hand own a box of sweetheart candies with a pic of Ed on it,lol.**

**Reviews can make my day when my kids are being brats, so if you have something nice to say or add...please do so :o)**

* * *

**Chapter 17**

** Party Time!**

**BPOV**

By the time I was finished asking my long list of embarrassing questions there was only an hour until the party was set to kick off.

Alice, Rose and Esme had been incredibly patient with me, explaining everything they knew about male vampire anatomy and how it worked, without making me feel like a complete tool for asking.

_I still felt like one mind you…_

When Alice assured me that Edward's '_equipment_' would work just fine, and that she had had a vision of us being intimate, I wanted to crawl under the bed and die…instead I managed to choke out a strangled, "Thanks! Um…I think I'm done asking questions now."

There was no way I was going to ask anything else, only to have Alice give a play by play of the things she'd seen in her vision...things that I hadn't even done yet!

_Damn her and her ability to see the future! Some things really should remain a mystery between family members, nudity being one of them! _

Esme and Rose excused themselves quietly to go and finish getting ready in their rooms, telling me how beautiful I looked and that they would see me downstairs.

I think they really wanted to go and laugh their asses off at my expense…lord knows I had given them plenty to chuckle at over the past hour. No matter how I strained to hear though, I heard no laughter in the house.

The lowest point of our conversation was when they each started giving me step by step instructions on how to 'pace' myself during love making, and how to not use my vampire speed.

My humiliation now complete…I had to admit it had still been worth it. I had learned a lot and I was now better prepared for later on in the evening.

I just had to get through this party first.

Alice applied a final coat of gloss to my lips and stood me in front of her full length mirror, to hear my verdict on the latest 'look' she had given me.

My reflection was nothing short of stunning. "Alice you're a genius", I declared as I took in the beauty in front of me. I was dressed in a gorgeous ankle length red gown that hugged my body like a glove, showing off all my curves. I looked like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman- minus the white gloves and Richard Gere. The bodice of the bright colored gown was snug around my chest, a slight V shape dipped between the space between my breasts, accentuating them, but not in an overly revealing way, the sleeves hung down off my shoulders exposing, the smooth flawless skin of my neck and upper chest.

My hair was piled into a half-up styled 'do', consisting of a carefully piled ponytail of shiny curls, that hung softly down just below shoulder level, barely touching the conservative back neckline, of the couture gown that I was swathed in. The top of my ponytail was held in place on the crown of my head with a jewel encrusted hair clasp that glittered, with what I assumed were real diamonds.

"Here" Alice said handing me a small container, "put these in…no need for your eyes to match the shade of your dress." She explained as I popped open the lid to find a pair of brown contact lenses.

"You thought of everything Alice" I hugged her in appreciation."The red eyes that stared back at me, marking me as a newborn- made me self conscious and they really did take away from the overall look of my makeover. I popped the contacts into my eyes, blinking a couple of times to get used to the sensation.

"Perfect."I said pleased with my now normal looking eyes, and flashing Alice a wide smile.

"Are you ready to go and join the party now?" Alice asked eagerly beside me.

"Oh, why not." I said casually, trying to hide the nervousness that I felt at the idea of meeting a room full of vampires.

"That's the spirit" Alice trilled, "Even if it is all a big show" she chuckled, "I know you're not one for making a grand entrance Bella but trust me…tonight you are going to shine brighter than the stars." She finished and her eyes took on a distinct twinkle.

Obviously Alice knew something no one else did…I resisted the urge to press her for details, instead I just relaxed knowing that I was going to have a nice evening and not manage to embarrass myself or ostracize myself from the vampire community on my first day.

Looping her arm gracefully through mine Alice led me to the stairs. "You're prince charming awaits" she whispered and I looked down to see Edward at the bottom of the staircase, dressed in a black tuxedo, sporting one of his melt- your-heart crooked grins and looking nothing short of gorgeous.

I forgot all my nerves and glided down the stairs with Alice, towards Edward, eager to be in his arms. The fairytale moment was only ruined, when a tall leggy golden haired trollop- for lack of a better word- sidled up beside Edward and threw herself into his arms dramatically. "Edward, it's been too long between visits." she almost purred in his ear as her hands wandered across his body, "I've missed seeing your handsome face." She pressed her lips to his cheek in an exaggerated fashion, her lips lingering far too long for any sort of innocent 'hello' kiss.

"Is that her!" I hissed under my breath to Alice, clutching her arm tighter in mine. "Is that Tanya?" I dug my fingernails into the inside of my palm as my hand balled into a fist at the sight of the barnacle of a vampire that seemed to have attached herself to my boyfriends face!

"Yes" Alice hissed back, "now quit trying to snap my arm off Bella…I'm not the one slobbering all over Edward"

"Oops sorry Alice" I muttered releasing my grip on her arm. "Friendly…isn't she." I quipped.

"You haven't seen anything yet" Alice said beside me, and I shuddered to think what else this femme fatale wannabe in front of me had planned for Edward this evening.

Reaching the bottom of the stairs I cleared my throat and the bimbo's head finally turned to look at me. "Oh this must be Bella" she said her voice ringing with fake enthusiasm at meeting me."I've heard so many wonderful things about you… I was beginning to think you must be imaginary, because no one could be so perfect." She giggled batting her eyelashes at Edward and I found myself wanting to pluck them off her face.

"Hello" I answered back innocently. "I'm sorry… you are?" I asked, letting her know subtly that no one had told me all about how wonderful she was.

"Oh Ed-ward" she wailed slapping his chest and leaving her hands to linger where they landed, "Haven't you told Bella all about me?" she pouted and I considering ripping her lips off her face along with her eyelashes.

_I was feeling very violent…thankfully I was still in control of myself…_

Edward grabbed her around the wrists and forced her arms down to her sides, "No Tanya, I haven't mentioned you to Bella before." He smiled at me, dropping her hands and pulling me into his arms. "You look ravishing" he whispered in my ear, grazing his lips across the flesh of my neck before pulling away to flash a smile in Tanya's direction. "Tanya this is my Bella. Bella this is Tanya an old family friend from Denali."

"Not so much of the old thank you Edward" she said sounding irritated at the way she had just been introduced, which only increased the size of my smile.

"Nice to meet you Tanya" I lied through my teeth, swallowing back the venom that I had discovered in my mouth moments earlier when I had been ready to pounce and drag her off Edward. "If you'll excuse me" I said sweetly, "I just need to speak to Edward for a moment…maybe you can chat with Alice while we're gone." I said before swiftly dragging Edward away from the tramp that was attempting to ruin my mood before I even had a chance to enjoy myself at my own party.

"Are you ok?" Edward chuckled beside me."You look like you're going to kill someone."

"Don't tempt me Edward." I said in a deathly serious voice "don't tempt me…"

"Bella" he whispered, his lips a fraction of an inch from my own, "Have I told you how incredibly sexy you are when you're jealous."

"No" I grinned back, feeling my mood improve significantly thanks to Edward's sexy whispered distraction. "Tell me again"

"You're sexy as hell when you are jealous" he whispered, before kissing me with a passion that left me breathless.

"Better?" he asked.

"A little…I guess" I chuckled. "Come on lets go meet some more vampires. I hope they aren't all as friendly as Tanya" I joked, relaxing in Edward's arms.

We mingled amongst the crowd, and I was introduced to everyone in the room, as I proudly clung to Edward's arm- everyone seemed lovely and happy to meet me. I kept darting my eyes around the room as we move from conversation to conversation, on the lookout for 'skanky mole' aka Tanya. I noticed her in my peripheral vision checking out Edward's butt and I decided enough was enough. "It's so lovely to finally meet you" I smiled at the friend of Jasper's named Peter, "would you please excuse me a moment…I just wanted to have a quick word to Tanya while she's free." I said sweetly. "You stay here Edward and talk" I insisted, "I'll be back in a few minutes, my love." I kissed him softly on the cheek, and whispered a promise to behave myself before untangling my arm from his and gracefully crossing the room to confront Tanya.

_The bitch had to be put in her place, she obviously hadn't caught on to Edward's rejection of her affections and advances so I would have to help her finally see the light and the truth…that Edward was mine! It sounded possessive to think like that, but it was the truth… just like I was his, Edward was mine! _

"Bella" she smiled flashing her sharp white teeth at me, "Be careful leaving Edward alone.......someone might try and steal him off you. " she said playfully, but she and I both knew that her words were a threat rather than a joke.

The small low growl that escaped my throat was an attempt to warn her to stop what she was doing, but she was too dumb or too far gone to take the hint.

"I must admit" she smiled cruelly at me, "I thought you would be more beautiful than you are…Edward does have a habit for being overly generous in his descriptions though…it is in his nature to be kind." She chuckled, "You don't quite live up to the legend." She sniffed, the smile dropping from her face and all pretenses of being friendly now gone.

"Jealous much?" I asked cocking an eyebrow at her attempts to insult me. Taking a step closer to her I dropped my voice down to a whisper, I didn't need to yell or sneer what I was about to say in order for her to get the message, I didn't want to cause a scene. "Let me make things crystal clear for you Tanya. Edward and I…we are together…now…and forever. Your ridiculous dreams of bedding him- it will never happen and you are making yourself look like a two dollar whore with the way you are behaving."

I turned to walk away satisfied that my opinion had been made clear, when I heard her snarl behind me, "Who do you think you are _bitch!_ You've been a vampire for less than a day and you think you can tell me what to do? Maybe Edward isn't convinced of his love for you yet…maybe he might benefit from someone a little more _worldly_ showing him some tricks in the bedroom."

Spinning around I found her looking smug, her arms crossed over her chest.

Looking over my shoulder towards Edward, she decided to sink the verbal boot in one more time, "He'd be wasted on the likes of you." She hissed.

I looked over my shoulder at Edward too, his face was a mask of horror as he looked in our direction- he could obviously hear our conversation over the music and chatter, or at least Tanya's thoughts- yet he remained rooted to the spot standing across the room, he didn't swoop in to defend me. I smiled at him, to reassure him that I was ok and in control of my emotions, before whipping my head back around to face Tanya.

Plastering a smile on my face I almost spat back at her. "The only one going to bed with Edward tonight is me…why don't you run along now and try and drown the thought of him and me naked, writhing in pleasure in our bedroom- out of your tiny little mind." I turned on my heel and stalked back to Edward's side, resuming my conversation with Peter and Charlotte on their latest travels.

Edward looked like he was going to pass out when I got back to his side; his mouth was hanging open slightly. I place my index finger under his chin and slowly closed his mouth, before whispering with a smile, "I don't think she'll bother us again this evening."

"No…no I'm sure she won't" Edward said beside me, sounding flustered, before excusing himself by explaining hurriedly that he had to speak with Carlisle about something.

I fell back into conversation with Charlotte and Peter, discussing my aspirations to travel abroad once I had my newborn behavior well under control. The way they lived like nomads was a romantic idea, but I couldn't imagine being away from the rest of the Cullen family…my family for too long.

Twenty minutes later, Edward had not returned and I was beginning to wonder where he had gotten too. Searching the living room I spotted Rose and Alice doubled over in laughter and I was crossing the room to ask them what was so funny, when Edward swept me up in his arms. "Can I have this dance?" he asked, his smile back on his face since his little chat with Carlisle.

"Sure" I smiled allowing him to take my hand and lead me to the makeshift dance floor that Alice had created in the living room. A slow tune was playing and I realized that it was my lullaby floating through the room. I closed my eyes and snuggled my face into Edward's chest as we swayed to the music. It was heaven. Placing a kiss into the top of my head Edward asked, "Are you ready to slip off into the night yet?"

"Give me another ten minutes to say goodnight to everyone…and I'll be with you in our room." I smiled liking the way it sounded when I said 'our' room.

"I'll go up now and get everything ready" he whispered, "I'll be waiting for you…" dropping his hands from my waist he disappeared in the crowd, before reappearing and flashing me a brilliant smile, as I watched him ascend the stairs.

Walking across the room and saying my farewells to all the friendly faces that greeted me, I was surprised to see Tanya emerge from the kitchen dripping wet. She looked bewildered, like she was unsure of where she was and what she was doing. I _almost_ felt sorry for her. "Are you ok Tanya?" I asked only really mildly concerned with why she now resembled a half drowned rat. I was however _highly_ amused, and had to bite my lip to conceal my grin at the sight of her - her makeup was all smeared and running down her face. She was a mess!

"Um...um...I don't know she stuttered." Looking wildly around the room, everywhere except at me.

"What happened to you Tanya?" I asked growing increasingly worried with her behavior.

_Could a vampire snap and go insane? She looked like she had…_

"Tell me what happened!"I demanded.

"I'm not sure" she whispered still avoiding my face, "but I think…I think…I just tried to drown myself." She said sounding horrified.

"What?" I asked in surprise, that was exactly what I had told her to go and do just a short time ago, and for some reason that is what it appeared she had gone and done.

_Vampires couldn't even drown…could they? We didn't need to breathe…._

"Tanya, look at me" I demanded, wanting answers as to what was wrong with her. She was beginning to scare me.

Her eyes shot up from the floor to stare into mine, and she looked absolutely terrified as she stammered "Wh...What d...did you do to me?" she asked.

"Excuse me?" I asked confused.

"What did you do to me?"She repeated her question. "How did you make me do this to myself?"

"Make you do what? I only suggested you go drown yourself… I didn't think you'd actually go and attempt it." I scoffed at the accusation of hers, that I was somehow to blame for her actions.

"No!" she hissed, "You made me do it. After you said to go drown the thoughts out my head- that's exactly what I did, because it was like I had too, like I had no choice, like I was possessed or something." She howled her voice growing wild and hysterical sounding.

Jasper and Carlisle suddenly appeared at Tanya's side in a blur of movement, and I felt Jazz unleash wave after wave of calming emotions on Tanya's wet shoulders, before he led her hunched, sodden form away into the kitchen. I stared after them wondering what the hell just happened.

Carlisle looked at me curiously, a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

"What?" I asked, "Why are you looking at me that way?

"You haven't worked it out yet have you" he smiled, "You didn't believe what Tanya just told you."

Comprehension washed over me at what Carlisle was saying, but I had to be sure I understood what had just happened. "Are you telling me that I _made_ her do that? I whispered, "That I have some sort of _mind control _talent?" I asked incredulously.

"That's exactly what I'm saying" Carlisle said.

"So what…I can brainwash people?" I asked in shock and disbelief.

"Well...we're not sure yet" he mused, "but we were thinking it is more along the lines of mind control or suggestion, which relies on verbal instruction." He stated, like he was handing down a diagnosis to a patient.

"Wait…you said _we're_ not sure yet" I picked up on the slip that Carlisle had made. "Who else knows… or at least suspected this?"

"Edward!" Carlisle ratted him out quickly, and then snapped his hand up to his face to cover his mouth, looking horror struck. I realized then that I had just forced him into telling me who else was aware of my gift. I actually_ could _make people do things against their will.

A whole new world of possibilities opened up to me….

"Oh crap" he said under his breath.

"Oh crap indeed" I said back, my mind reeling with what I had just been told.

I could control people and make them do things I wanted. It was a powerful gift…maybe even more like a curse.

I thought of Edward up in our bedroom waiting for me to join him for our night of passion.

A wicked smile crossed my lips, causing Carlisle to laugh out loud. "How much trouble is Edward going to be in?" he asked sounding highly amused.

"Tons" I smiled wickedly, before crossing the room and climbing the stairs.

* * *

**lol, next chapter is going to be called 'Bedroom Business'. I am hoping to get it out of my head very soon....**


	18. Bedroom Business

**Hi all :o)**

**I am back in the land of fan fiction after a few difficult days of being unable to let myself and my imagination wander free (thanks to a houseful of visitors and a baby who is busy cutting a top tooth).**

**I just finished off this Chapter and was eager to upload it, so forgive any errors, I will try to get back to edit it later. I have a terrible habit of reading what I know should be written rather than what I have actually typed! Forgive me...**

**This chapter sees Bella get her revenge on Ed for not telling her about her talent. I hope you agree with her form of punishment.I thought it fitting.**

**The perspective changes from Bell to Ed a few times in this chapter, sorry about that but it's how it played out in my mind.  
**

**As per usual, I feel compelled to say that SM owns twilight...blah, blah,blah.**

* * *

**Chapter 18 **

**Bedroom Business**

**EPOV**

Lying in our room waiting for Bella to join me, I marveled at how exceptionally well she was coping with her first day as a newborn vampire. I knew she was dealing with an array of emotions internally- I had been listening intently to her thoughts since the moment I realized I could hear them.

That was something I knew I would have to curb, I couldn't continue to use my ability so loosely with Bella or so constantly, it was unfair of me to leave her with no privacy…especially seeing as she was completely unaware that I could now hear her.

I had enjoyed our evening immensely, and was grateful for having the added benefit of seeing how truly in control of herself Bella was, thanks to my 'extra' hearing. She had acted with such poise and grace downstairs with all the introductions to our vampire community, not showing the nerves that plagued her mind.

I listened to the thoughts of our visitors too, as they met Bella and had observed with joy and with pride as they quickly fell in love with her. Bella had charmed every guest in the room, all except one…Tanya.

I had watched equally enthralled and horrified with each exchange between Bella and Tanya- I heard the jealous thoughts from each of them upon meeting each other.

I found Bella's possessive thoughts that she held about me strangely arousing to finally hear, she had mirrored my own thoughts and feelings exactly. While Bella told me constantly how much she loved me, and proved it with each action she undertook, it was comforting to hear her true thoughts on how she felt about me, for myself.

I was angered when I heard the venomous words spat between the two women when they were speaking across the room from me. I scoffed at Tanya when she made her intentions to 'steal' me away from Bella clear.

_As if she ever stood a chance…_

Anger had oozed from my pores when Tanya insulted Bella and told her she was not worthy of me. The only thing holding me in place and stopping me from racing to Bella's side to defend her and to stop me from tossing Tanya on her ear out the door was Bella's _suggestion _to stay and talk to Peter and Charlotte. I was ruing that she had asked me to stay put, but by the time she was through with Tanya, I saw that Bella didn't need me to intervene- she was quite capable of standing up for herself.

Something I was going to have to get used to the thought of…

Bella was no damsel in distress or some fragile human anymore. She could hold her own with the likes of Tanya.

I stood frozen in place when Bella made the quip to Tanya about going and drowning herself and I immediately regretted my choice to not tell Bella about her 'gift' earlier. This was not how I wanted her to find out about her new talent.

No doubt Tanya was fulfilling Bella's command somewhere, unbeknownst to Bella…for now at least. Tanya was not the sort of vampire that shied away from confrontation, she would approach Bella about her using her talent on her, even though Bella had no idea that talent existed. I only hoped Bella was safely up in our room before Tanya recovered from the shock of what had happened.

I couldn't hear any screams of hysteria from Tanya or any thoughts from downstairs, so I was clueless as to what was happening down there. I didn't like it but I knew I would rouse Bella's suspicions if I was to suddenly reappear at the party to check things out.

As time passed, I became increasingly nervous about Bella's absence. I tried several times to locate her thoughts, to see what was taking her so long to come up to our room. I knew she was as eager and excited about tonight as I was…thanks once again to my eavesdropping on her thoughts at every given opportunity.

My extra hearing though was rendered all but useless from my position in the house; when Esme had designed and built our new home she made many improvement and insisted on adding sound proofing materials to every wall, floor and ceiling, in an attempt to save us all from overhearing more than we wanted to at any given time, and to afford us all some sort of privacy, in a house full of vampires, all of whom had super hero like hearing.

The only sound I could hear from my spot on the bed was the noises of my breathing, the hum of the light above me…nothing more.

Giving up my futile attempts to find out what was keeping Bella, I thought instead about how I should break the news to her that she had a powerful gift that made her capable of ordering people to do her biding with a mere whisper. I had to tell her before she was blindsided by Tanya.

Then there was my other big secret--- that I could now hear her thoughts, and had been listening to them for the past ten hours. How was I going to break that little tidbit of information to Bella? How would she react to that news?

Roused from my thoughts by the turning of the doorknob, I watched Bella slip into the room, her mind swirling ferociously with thoughts, so quickly that they were hard to decipher--- revenge seemed to be a common theme and my name popped up on several occasions, accompanied by a string of expletives that didn't quite fit with Bella's usual sweet disposition.

Straining to try and understand more of her garbled thoughts, I caught a few more words from her mental tirade…'_Secrets'…'Edward'…_. And more worryingly…' _I'll show him_'.

Shit! She knew…but what?

What did she know exactly?

_I can't believe you didn't tell me!_ She yelled in her head, as she pushed the door closed behind her.

_Wait…_

Did that mean she knew I could hear her thoughts?

Is that why she was yelling at me mentally? Was this a test to see if I would own up?

I wasn't certain of anything- except that I was about to feel the wrath of my pissed off girlfriend, who just happened to be a newborn vampire; one who was not only stronger than me, but could also command me to do anything she wished.

Taking a large gulp of completely unnecessary oxygen, I looked over to the doorway to see Bella looking every bit as troubled as her thoughts.

"Sorry I'm late" she apologized as she kicked off her shoes. "I had to discuss something important with Carlisle downstairs." She explained, a large smile blossoming on her face to replace her earlier frown.

That smile disquieted my mind more than her troubled look had. It was full of a mischief, of mystery, of its own secrets.

I heard a single clear thought in Bella's mind as she smiled that unsettling smile, that left me with no doubt that she was not only aware of her 'talent' ,but that she was planning on teaching me a lesson for keeping my knowledge of her gift a secret.

_Look at him looking all innocent…he is __**soooo**__ going down for not telling me….ready for a game of 'Bella says' Edward?_ She almost chuckled mentally.

Hearing that thought and the way it was formed, also told me that Bella was still unaware I could hear her thoughts- a small positive, but at least I would have the hidden advantage of knowing what she was going to have me do before she even asked…not that knowing could stop me from following her instructions.

It also meant that I could find a way to break the news of being able to hear her thoughts before someone else did.

I couldn't allow that to happen again.

As for Bella knowing about her talent and the fact that I had hidden it from her….I was going to have to have to hope and pray like hell that she wouldn't stay pissed at me for too long.

Maybe she wouldn't even act on her thoughts at all, and we could just make love like we planned…

_Who was I kidding?_

_I was in trouble!_

_Shitloads of it!_

**BPOV**

Scaling the stairs quickly, my mission was simple…time to teach Edward a lesson about keeping secrets from me- I couldn't believe he hadn't told me already!

I was going to have some fun making Edward my personal puppet. Ideas of what I could demand, he do raced through my mind so quickly that I barely caught them all- they ranged from innocent and humorous, to downright selfish and explicit.

Pushing the door open to our bedroom, I hid my scheming smile behind a forced frown. All part of my surprise plan…Edward wasn't going to know what hit him.

As I pushed the door shut and faced him, I was surprised to see him sitting on the bed wringing his hands and looking anxious. I hadn't realized that Edward was so nervous about our first night together and the love making we had planned. I knew that he was inexperienced with physical intimacy but I didn't think that this would cause him to be so uneasy looking. He always oozed confidence- it was unsettling to see him so vulnerable.

I on the other hand felt confident that our love making was going to be perfect simply because we were meant to be together. It was probably an overly romantic notion- but I was known to think that way where Edward was concerned.

The sight of his fragile emotional pose almost made me reconsider exacting my revenge and instead rushing to his side to reassure him…but I couldn't waste this window of opportunity- I knew Carlisle would get word to him soon enough about how he had spilled his guts to me downstairs.

By now his amusement had probably waned and he was probably feeling so incredibly guilty about throwing Edward to the 'angry' newborn, that he was at this moment screaming in his thoughts, "_Edward, run! Bella knows and she's going to make you suffer!" _

Not that running would help Edward…..not from me… ...not anymore.

I looked over to see a fleeting look of what seemed like fear on Edward's face, before it was hidden behind a broad smile.

_Ready to play a game of 'Bella says' Edward?_ I joked to myself, thinking about how much fun this was going to be.

"Hi" he said softly his eyes intense and oozing sex. "I've been waiting for you."

_Was he trying to dazzle me?_

"Hey" I said back softly, my smile once again in place. I was planning on lulling him into a false sense of security that everything was normal; before I sprung my surprise attack on him. "Sorry I took so long, something unexpected came up downstairs." I explained, apologizing away my absence.

"Oh" he asked raising his eyebrows…anything interesting?" The way he said it sounded like he was completely clueless to anything that had happened downstairs.

"Oh very" I smiled. _ I found out I could control people…I made a vampire go try drown herself just by suggesting it to her. Oh! Plus I found out that you knew all about it already! _I thought.

"Like what" he asked sounding completely innocent, but I watched him twist in what seemed like discomfort.

Vampires didn't get fidgety…not for no good reason.

So…why did Edward look increasingly uncomfortable? Like he wanted to run out of the room and like the only thing holding him in place was sheer willpower? Judging by the way his body was reacting to our conversation; he wasn't as innocent or unaware as he was trying to make out. Edward somehow seemed to know the underlying tone of this discussion, and where it was headed…… Carlisle must have already delivered his mental message, I figured.

_Not that that or anything else was going to spoil my fun! I simply wouldn't allow it…_

It was time to get down to business, and teach Edward that I was not to be trifled with and that keeping secrets from me was a bad idea from here on out in our relationship.

"Well I found out tonight that I have a vampire talent. It was _very _unexpected. Would you like to hear about it?" I asked, wondering if he might admit to knowing about my talent.

Edward opened his mouth to speak but remained silent and just nodded; it was like he didn't know what to say for fear of incriminating himself. I didn't call him on it though; I just smiled sweetly and continued to retell my story.

"Imagine my surprise, when I discovered that I can make people do things….just by asking them to. Poor Tanya…I don't think she'll ever quite get over what I made her do to herself tonight. But how was I to know that she would take my suggestion to go drown herself so literally. I think we can safely cross her off our Christmas card list for the rest of eternity." I snickered.

I couldn't help but enjoy the memory of Tanya, dripping wet and completely neurotic. _Served the stupid bitch right really, she had taken on the wrong vampire….I hadn't known that then but now that I did….I still didn't regret what I had said to her._

Edward said nothing but his eyes opened a little wider when he heard me mention that I was aware of my gift, what I had done downstairs unwittingly, and no doubt at my unhidden amusement at Tanya's compliance.

"Imagine the added surprise" I continued, "when I spoke to Carlisle, and he mentioned that he and someone else suspected that I had such a gift, and that they had kept this information from me." I finished, looking Edward straight in the eyes somewhat accusingly.

"I'm sorry" he said quietly, before dropping his eyes from my face to his lap with a look of guilt and regret on his face.

"Why Edward" I whispered, "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I wasn't sure…I didn't know how to…I was worried that it would just be one more thing you would have to try and deal with and control…you have so much already that you are having to go through…what with being a newborn and all and the party tonight…" he answered in a hushed voice. "Forgive me?" he asked looking at me again with pleading golden eyes.

"Of course I will forgive you Edward…I love you." I replied, joining him by sitting down on the edge of our bed. I kissed him chastely on the lips before retreating from his arms and adding, "I'm sure you'll understand though, my need to teach you a little lesson about keeping such a big secret from me." I smirked openly, as I thought about what I was going to have him do first.

His small gasp at my threat to 'teach him a lesson' only served to increase the size of my smile.

"Bella…please you don't have to do this…" he almost begged, and I couldn't help but laugh.

"Oh yes I do. Tell me Edward" I asked as I trailed a long manicured nail across his taut jawbone, from his ear to the point of his chin, "Are you afraid of me and what I might have you do?"

"Yes" he gulped in answer, his eyes the size of small saucers.

"Good!" I almost shouted- shocking Edward and making him jump a little from his seat on the bed.

_This was going to be so much fun…_

"Now…"I tapped my index finger back and forth on my own chin, in mock thought, "What should I have you do first?"

I chuckled as an idea formed in my mind. "Oh I know! Let's start with something easy. Something you should enjoy almost as much as I will. "Kiss me….here." I gestured to my bare collarbone, sitting above the neckline of my dress.

Edward sighed, in what I assumed was a breath of relief at the knowledge that I was being so tame in my demands, but that was part of the plan….this was just my warm up task as I let the truth slowly sink in as to what I was capable of.

I felt his open mouth on my skin as he kissed and sucked along my upper chest, it felt wonderful, but the sensation was tarnished by the fact that Edward was not acting of his own accord but on a command of mine. I was about to tell him to stop when he let out a small moan of pleasure and whispered in between kisses, "I wanted to kiss you like this all evening. I want to do so much more…I want to kiss you all over" he muttered into the hollow of my neck as he moved across my body, to the place his soft kisses on my other collarbone.

I shivered with pleasure, resisting the urge to run my fingers through the bronze head of gorgeous hair that was now tickling my chin. I was in danger of losing control of all thought, beyond my lust, and forgetting that I wanted to have a little more fun teasing Edward and teaching him a lesson before we move onto any other form of bedroom activities.

_Damn him and his beautiful, talented lips!_

The soft chuckle that Edward tried to hide into my chest snapped me back into control. "I'm bored now" I mock yawned "stop please."

Immediately his lips left my flesh, leaving behind only the sheen of where they had been moments ago and the familiar lingering tingle that I felt from his touch. I missed their presence from my skin instantly, but reminded myself it was only temporary.

"Next…I would like you too…."

_I had to think of something to get Edward to do…something that wouldn't be quite so pleasurable this time…a little humiliating sounding like a good plan though._

Remembering back to years ago when Renee and I had gone to a hypnotist, I drew some inspiration from that experience for project 'Humiliate Edward'.

"Baby…" I whispered as seductively as possible in his ear hoping to surprise him with my next order and have him think there were more easy things like kissing and touching to come. "Baby I want you to………..Cluck like a chicken. Until I tell you to stop." I qualified with a wink.

I chuckled, when Edward sighed again and shook his head in disbelief and defiance, while at the same time his mouth opened unwillingly and he began clucking like a hen.

I fell back onto the bed giggling- it was childish but so much fun. "Oh baby, that is so hot!" I laughed, "But to make it even hotter, I need you to start flapping your arms…like wings." I tucked my hands into my armpits and gave a quick demonstration of how I wanted him to perform.

Edward groaned in between clucks, before raising his arms and proceeding to flap. It was priceless to see him doing something so Un-Edward like, impersonating a farm animal was definitely out of his comfort zone.

I wished I had a camera.

I was quickly growing tired of watching Edward aka 'chicken man' strut his stuff though, and I decided I needed to do something bigger, better, and slightly more humiliating.

But what?

A soft knock on the door disturbed my scheming. "Bella? Edward?" Emmett boomed from the other side of the door. "Um…are you two decent?" he asked.

"Yes Emmett" I laughed, "Well…one of us more so than the other" I chuckled, before rushing over and opening the door slightly, shielding Edward, who was still clucking and flapping, from view.

"Oh good, I was worried I might be um…disturbing something" he said sheepishly.

"Not yet" I smiled, but I noticed Emmett cocking his head to one side as Edward emitted a loud cluck from behind the door where he was hidden. Loving Emmett's inquisitive reaction, I swung the door wide open to reveal Edward standing in the middle of the room clucking and flapping and looking completely mortified.

"Dude!" Emmett exclaimed, "What are you doing? "He began shaking with silent laughter at Edward."Are you…are you clucking?" he burst into loud booming laugh, slapping his knees for added effect.

Stifling a laugh of my own, I answered in a serious voice. "Oh Edward is just putting on a little show for me…aren't you honey." I smiled sweetly at him. "You can stop now."

His arms dropped immediately from their 'wing' position and he flexed his jaw, revealing his growing irritation at being told what to do.

Edward didn't like being ridiculed and at the moment we had an audience…he obviously found it inappropriate- I on the other hand thought it was perfect.

"I'm not doing anything Emmett" he snarled, "No go away and leave us alone" he went to push the door shut.

"Stop being so rude to your brother Edward." I scolded "and leave the door alone". Once again he complied with my command, his hand dropping from the door like it was on fire.

"Now" I looked back at Emmett, "What can we do for you Emmett?"

"Um…………..I don't know why" he said sounding puzzled and running a hand through his hair looking a little embarrassed to be saying what he was about to say "but Carlisle asked me to come and check on you guys, he said something about making sure Edward wasn't in need of _rescuing_? Then on the way upstairs Alice handed me this video camera and told me to give it to you Bella" he thrust a small video camera towards me.

Edward growled at the sight of it, I on the other hand clapped my hands together in excitement- maybe I could record some of Edward's performance to keep for prosperity's sake. "Thanks Emmett" I beamed. "Alice is so handy to have around sometimes."I said, snatching the camera off him, "This may come in very handy tonight" I not so subtly threatened Edward.

"Wow! You're kinda kinky aren't you Bella" Emmett chuckled, "I never knew you had it in you" he added putting his hand up to give me a high five. I slapped my hand into his and we both laughed, Edward groaned.

"Emmett, when you go back downstairs can you please give Carlisle a message for me?"I asked sweetly, "Can you tell him Edward is fine and in no danger and…can you tell him that I was thinking of asking him if I could borrow his Mercedes…seeing as I don't have any wheels at the moment."

I knew that last part of my message would scare the living daylights out of Carlisle, he knew that I was capable of demanding his Mercedes rather than actually asking to borrow it – and I knew how much he loved that precious Mercedes of his. He wasn't going to escape all this secret keeping without feeling my wrath either. I'd have a little fun with him too.

"O…k" Emmett said sounding puzzled and looking at me like I was on drugs or something. "You have no hope of Carlisle letting you borrow his car though." He laughed, "I've tried" he added, "He loves that car as much as he loves Esme". He exclaimed.

"Care to make a small bet on that Emmett?" I asked, unable to refuse the chance…possibly the only one I would ever have, to get one up on Emmett.

"Sure" he said, "Easiest win I'll ever have little sister."

"Emmett…" Edward began to warn him before I cut him off. "Hush Edward" I shot a glare at him, "This is between Emmett and me." His mouth snapped shut and he rolled his eyes.

"Ok Emmett. I bet you that I can get Carlisle to give me the keys to his car, and if I win then you have to wear one of Rose's dresses for the next week, no matter where you go. Hunting, shopping….you get the idea."

"Fine" he said with complete confidence that I was going to lose. "And if I win…" he scrubbed at his chin trying to think of something to complete the stakes of our bet. "If I win you have to wash my Jeep every week for the next year." He said smugly, full of confidence that he had just effectively relieved himself of all car washing duties for the next twelve months.

After we shook on it, I considered how I could use Emmett to exact my final act of revenge on Edward before he left us alone once more.

Emmett liked a joke- surely he wouldn't mind being involved in a little bit of fun….

A moment of inspiration hit while thinking about the camera I held in my hand, and the thought of what I could catch on film. Looking back between Edward and Emmett I formulated the next and final step in my plan.

Edward shot me a terrified look across the room- my smile must have given away my latest bout of scheming.

"Emmett…Edward has something he wants to give you before you leave…" I smile devilishly, flicking on the video camera, so that I could capture the moment, it was going to be priceless…the look on both of their faces would be something I would be able to laugh about forever.

"Please Bella…" I heard Edward begging beside me. "Don't."

"Don't what Edward?" Emmett and I both said at the same time, although my voice was only mocking in its surprise, Emmett's was genuine.

"Please don't …" Edward begged again.

"I don't know what you're talking about?" I said innocently.

"What do you have to give me?" Emmett asked. His eyes alight like a child on Christmas morning, as he obviously hoped it was going to be a pleasant gift.

I was going to enjoy this……not sure about Emmett and Edward so much!

"Well?" Emmett looked expectantly at Edward, "What do you have for me Edward? I don't want to stand here all night you know!" He was almost whining now as he waited for his 'present'.

"_Nothing_" Edward glared at me and then at Emmett, "Bella was mistaken…I don't have anything for you Emmett."

"Close your eyes Em." I suggested, "It's a surprise and Edward's just a little nervous you won't like it" I managed to say in an even tone, in spite of my internal laughter at the image of Edward planting a big sloppy kiss on Emmett's shocked face.

He really was in for a surprise and a half…

"Bella don't you dare say it!" Edward growled at me "don't you dare say what you are thinking!" he warned.

_Like he knew what I was thinking…pucker up Eddie, I hope Emmett's ready for a great big smooch. _

"I won't do it" he shouted before a look of horror crossed his face, "I won't kiss Emmett!"

"What?" Emmett and I both yelled in response. Emmett out of shock to hear Edward talking about kissing him- me in response to discovering that Edward had known what I was thinking about having him do.

I watched as Emmett reeled back away from the door. "Ewwww!" he yelled. "Look" he said placing his arms up in the air, taking in the glares Edward and I were shooting each other, "I don't know what game you two are playing, but once a dude starts talking about kissing me, it gets a little to kinky even for my tastes. I'm outta here." With that he pulled the door shut and disappeared from view.

"You can hear my thoughts too?" I screeched, recovering from my shock and feeling the first emotion that replaced it. Flinging myself at Edward, furious at the news of his second deception; my arms flailed wildly, as I hit him in the chest and shoved him roughly against the wall. "You can hear me…and you didn't tell me!"

I was angry, shocked and surprised, but more than that…I was hurt. "How could you keep these secrets from me Edward?" I continued to smack at his chest, venting my feelings my first loss of control since starting my life as a vampire.

Edward made no attempt to stop me, he stood there and took every single punch and slap I aimed at him, for which I was thankful.

This night had so far thrown me more curve balls than one of the Cullen's famous baseball games… I wanted the night I was promised, the love making, the holding each other tenderly on my first sleepless night as a vampire.

Not this…this was **not** how I imagined my first night of forever with Edward….

**EPOV**

Once Bella had finished pummeling me with her fists, she sank her face into my chest, her breaths were ragged, and her whole body was heaving with silent, tearless sobs. "Why didn't you tell me Edward?" she whispered over and over, "why didn't you tell me you could hear me…"

I'd been so worried about her anger that I hadn't considered how hurt or betrayed Bella was likely to feel with my omission. "I'm sorry baby" I whispered over and over, rubbing her back and clutching her to my chest. "I didn't mean to keep things from you." I admitted, "I didn't know how to tell you…I was worried about how you would react."

_With good reason it seemed…_

"When did you realize" she sniffed, looking up into my face. The pain of what I had done evident in her face, as it echoed in her thoughts.

"When you woke up." I answered quietly, kissing her forehead lightly, "I realized when you woke up Bella."

"So…you've heard everything I have thought since then?" she asked pushing back on my chest with her palms to look at me. She seemed to have calmed further, her curiosity replacing her hurt.

"Yes" I nodded, before pleading with her, "Will you…can you forgive me?" I seemed to be asking her to do that a lot tonight.

"I can and I will Edward "she sighed, before adding "Don't think that lets you off the hook though. No more secrets Edward. You trying to protect me from things…keeping secrets…it has only ever led to more harm than good."

She was one hundred percent right of course. Everytime I had kept things from Bella in the past, coincided with some of our most trouble filled times together.

"I'm sorry love. I will never keep anything so important from you ever again." I promised, before cupping her cheeks in my hands and planting a soft kiss on her lips. "I never meant to hurt you Bella…I love you. I'm sorry." I repeated my apology.

"How sorry?" she said softly.

"Eternally" I muttered, smiling at the thought that, that was exactly how long I had to make my mistakes up to her. "I'll spend forever making it up to you." I promised. "I'll do anything you ask of me."

She chuckled at that, "Like you have any other choice."

"True" I chuckled back, "Please don't make me act like a chicken again…or ever ask me to kiss Emmett."

"What about the other thing I made you do?" She asked coyly.

"The kissing? That part I enjoyed immensely…that I don't need to be forced into doing." Bending my head down to Bella's shoulder I kissed down her neck tenderly. "I love kissing you. _That_… could never be a chore." I whispered into the hollow of her neck.

She sighed and kissed the top of my head and I knew that the tense feelings of the past few moments were finished with, at least for tonight.

"So what a pair of freaks" she giggled, "You read minds and I control them."

"A match made in heaven" I muttered my thoughts into her collarbone.

"I agree" she whispered.

"Edward?" she sighed.

"Mm?"

I noticed she chose her next words carefully, giving me the choice to say yes or no rather than demanding anything of me. "I was wondering if you'd like to still…um…go through with our earlier plans?"

I saw the flash of worry in Bella's thoughts and heard it in her voice, the very real nerves and fears she harbored that I might not want to make love to her after the night's events. I couldn't have her thinking such ludicrous thoughts for another second…she had to know that nothing could make her undesirable to me, and certainly no lovers tiff.

"Bella…I have every intention of making love to you before the sun rises on a new day." I promised staring intently into her eyes.

A hard rap on the door broke up our tender moment. Pulling the door open not even trying to hide my irritation at the second interruption of our evening so far, I found Carlisle standing in the doorway looking for lack of a more descriptive word disheveled, his normally neat hair was displaced around his head as though he had been running his hand through it vigorously, his tie lay crooked against his shirt as if he had been tugging on it continually, he wrung his hands together over and over, and his tongue darted out to lick his lips nervously.

"I'm sorry…to interrupt Edward" he said his voice slightly uneven, "I just need to have a quick word with Bella…if possible. I checked with Alice to make sure I wouldn't be...um disturbing any of your 'plans'.

My God what was wrong with him? I had never seen Carlisle so rattled in the hundred years I'd known him. His thoughts were a jumbled mess, although thoughts of his Mercedes kept popping up, so I guessed this was about Bella's little message that she had asked Emmett to deliver.

"What can I do for you Carlisle?" Bella called sweetly from across the room and I twisted to see her sitting casually on her bed, enjoying Carlisle's obvious nervousness.

"Um Bella…you aren't really going to ask to borrow my car are you?" he choked out.

"Of course I am Carlisle…I made a bet…one I intend on winning." She smiled at him wickedly. "Me taking your prized possession for a spin….consider it payback…I'm being quite gentle with you, you know. She smiled sweetly. "I promise I won't hurt your car Carlisle. Now relax, go back to the party and please make sure that no one else disturbs us for the rest of the evening." She commanded.

"Yes Bella" Carlisle nodded, before padding off still wringing his hands and muttering under his breath.

"You my love are a dangerous woman" I muttered, closing the door and looking in wonder at the beauty that was now lying seductively across our bed.

"Don't you forget it" she teased with a smile playing on her lips.

"Now…..where were we…before we were so rudely interrupted?" I asked, as if I had somehow managed to forget the more pleasant turn our discussions had taken.

"I believe we were about to retire to our bed for the night" Bella replied, pulling the covers back on our bed and smiling broadly as she waited for me to join her.

* * *

**I am hoping to start the next chapter today sometime but will have to discuss that with my boss...namely DS, who is 9 months old and grumpy as hell with this new tooth coming through...**

**Please leave me some loving reviews if you enjoyed this chapter! **

**Next is bedroom action of a different kind...**


	19. The Long Awaited Moment

**Yes...you are seeing a second chapter in the same day,lol. This is not a hallucination! **

**I have nervously been trying to write the love scene between Ed and Bella and agonizing over it, what to put in, what to leave out...I wanted to capture the moment without making it cheap (if that makes sense,lol).  
**

**Anyhow this is my effort. It is only a short chapter as far as they go, I just wanted to cover the moment and not drag it out. Any mistakes were probably made whilst I was blushing furiously,lol. **

**I also wanted to finish this chapter the way I have below...let me know what you think but be kind.  
**

_SM owns twilight and all it's sexy characters...**  
**_

* * *

**Chapter 19 **

**The Long Awaited Moment**

**BPOV**

I watched the crooked grin that spread across Edward's face when I invited him to join me in our bed and mirrored it with my own broad smile. Finally we were going to get to the part of the evening that I was so looking forward to. I could forget for the moment that I had been completely overwhelmed with new vampire talents and the shocking news of Edward being able to hear my thoughts.

I was tired of interruptions and tired of squabbling. Those issues could be dealt with later…much much later if my plans for this evening came to fruition.

_Edward_. I called to him mentally, trying out our new found means of communicating.

It was going to take some getting used to the idea of Edward 'hearing' me, and I was going to insist that he practice restraint and begin blocking my thoughts unless I gave him permission to access them.

"Yes Bella?" he said, still sounding somewhat amazed with how well I seemed to be handling the fact that he could hear my thoughts.

"You can read my mind….right?" I asked aloud, with a teasing hint to my voice, as I watched him flick off the light switch and make a quick detour on the way to our bed, stopping briefly to turn on some soft music. The sounds of Debussy's piano works softly danced through the moonlit swathed room, helping to erase completely the mood that had threatened earlier to ruin our night.

"Yes" he smiled, but I'm working on resisting the temptation" he admitted.

"Well then….if you can read my mind…what are you waiting for?" I whispered, as I unleashed in my mind every thought and fantasy I had ever had about Edward and I making love, over the past five plus years.

A deep low growl erupted from Edward's throat, and I decided his access to my thoughts was not necessarily a bad thing, not selectively anyway...

"Then what are you doing still standing over there?" I whispered, "Get out of my head, and get into this bed."

I felt the bed's scraping movement along the floor, as Edward leapt onto it from across the room, coming to land on top of me, his arms resting on either side of my head, as he hovered his body above me, straddling my hips.

Dipping his head, he kissed my lips softly, breathlessly, his eyes full of lust, fueled by the little show he had just witnessed in my thoughts. The old me would have blushed and been embarrassed at sharing such intimate thoughts and fantasies with Edward, annoyed even that he could see what I was thinking to begin with, but the only thing I felt now, was the love and lust that I felt for the man who stared down from above me.

"You have a very vivid imagination Bella" he growled, his eyes roaming from my face to my heaving chest.

"You haven't seen anything yet Edward" I whispered feeling breathless at the thought of what was about to finally happen between the two of us. "Thoughts are one thing…..a demonstration is another thing entirely".

Before I was able to utter another word, Edward's lips crashed down on mine with a hunger and intense desire that this time I knew would not be stifled. We were equals now, he didn't need to hold back or stop himself anymore where our intimacy was concerned.

"Bella" he whispered breathlessly in my ear before trailing his lips down to my throat. "Let me show _you _what I've been thinking about and wanting to do to you since the first time we kissed."

"You're so beautiful" he muttered, climbing off me and standing me up off the bed. "Let me see you…let me look at you in the moonlight" he breathed in my ear as he freed the zip on my dress, curling his fingers in-between the fabric barrier of my dress to my skin, his fingertips dragging down my sides to my waist as he undressed me slowly. A gentle tug over my hips and my dress slipped down the length of my legs to the floor below. I was left standing in only my underwear.

"Let me see you too…" I whispered back, unbuttoning his shirt with my slightly trembling fingers. Pushing the fabric away from his chest, down his arms, where it fell to the floor along with my dress. I'd seen Edward shirtless countless times but it never ceased to affect me, the lean yet masculine build that was hidden too often beneath his clothes for my liking. I began considering ordering him to walk around without a shirt from now on.

His chuckle at my thought reminded me that he could hear my mind now. "Please stop doing that. No more listening to my thoughts unless I ask you too Edward." I whispered as I placed soft loving kisses down his chest to the sparse downy hair of his stomach.

Stopping at just below his navel I took a steadying breath. This was uncharted territory for both of us. We had never before touched each other in such a way.

Unbuckling and removing his belt in one rapid movement, I unbuttoned his pants, my fingers hooking into the loops on either side of his trousers that sat low on his hips, sliding them down to his ankles, where he stepped out of them with a deep nervous breath.

"Kissing from his calf up to his thigh, I stopped short of trailing my mouth beyond the line of his boxer shorts- tonight was about gentle first touches, other forms of touch, of taste, could wait for other nights. Sliding the rest of the way up his body with my hands, I reached his neck and opened my mouth wide to suck and nip the skin there. A soft moan let me know that Edward was enjoying my efforts as much as I was enjoying administering them.

"That feels so good…" he trailed off as I began kissing up his neck, over his chin and finding his mouth with mine.

Our kissing intensified from a gentler pace, to a hungrier more urgent speed as we both began to feel the overwhelming need to be closer to each other. Slowly Edward's hands swept from my lower back up to the clasp of my strapless bra. With one movement it was unfastened and flung across the room, my breasts now pressed firmly into his hard chest.

His fingertips lightly touched my shoulders, ghosting down my arms and then back up my sides, lightly caressing the sides of my breasts. My breath hitched at the new sensation, and tingles of desire shot through my entire body.

Uncertain fingers found their way down my waist, to land on each side of my elasticized underwear, slightly pulling the fabric away from my hips but pausing, as if Edward was asking permission to remove them. Wrapping my hands around his fingers to let him know that I was more than ready for him to see me naked, I helped Edward ease my underwear over my hips and buttocks before shimmying them down to my ankles to join the growing pile of clothes at our feet.

The only remaining piece of clothing was Edward's boxers and I was becoming so caught up in the heat of the moment, that I could not find it in me to remove them delicately. Grabbing one side of them in my grasp, I tore the seam to pieces, the fabric left hanging open, revealing Edward's smooth bare hip. He growled a deep rumbling desire filled sound at the action. Moving to the other side of the now partially destroyed pants, I swiftly tore the other seam and let them fall unceremoniously to the floor.

We both stood completely naked in front of each other for the first time. Taking a step back I wanted to enjoy the moment and the memory of this special moment. I wasn't self conscious of Edward looking at my body like I had feared I may be, I was doing the same thing in return, it was something I had dreamt about, and wished for, for more years than I cared to think about.

Bathed in the moonlight, Edward took my breath away, he was perfection incarnate. The soft glow of his skin as it was illuminated by the soft light that streamed through our window made him look more like a Greek God, more so than any other time I had gazed upon him since we had met.

He returned my look of love, of lust, of desire, reaching out his hand to bring me back into his arms, the backs of his fingertips lightly caressing the back of my thighs and my buttocks as he held me closely. Gently kissing on my earlobe he whispered, "You are so beautiful…"

Dropping his hold on me he sunk to his knees and I opened my mouth to tell him not to do what I thought he was about to, but he stopped me by speaking first looking up at me adoringly from his position on the floor, "I want to enjoy seeing you like this for the first time, you don't know how many times I have imagined this moment…I want to know your body." He whispered against the flesh of my feet, he began kissing up my legs, as I had done to him, just moments ago. My urge to explain that I wanted to leave other forms of pleasuring for another time was unwarranted, as he kissed my inner thighs lightly, before moving to my hips and my stomach and then up to my chest.

His hands cupped the sides of my breasts softly, as he peppered soft kisses on my bare chest, his mouth continuing its journey up my neck, to my mouth that was open wide as I panted heavily with the sheer exhilaration of his touch. "I want to worship you…" he spoke into my mouth, before continuing to kiss me deeply.

I moaned out loud at his words and slipped my hands up his back, feeling his muscular form, dragging my fingernails up and down his spine and his sides, wanting to know his skin, to map it with my fingertips, to mark it with my touch.

Clutching me around the waist, Edward lifted me from the floor in his arms, taking the few small steps to the bed that lay beside us. Lying me back gently onto the soft mattress, our lips never parted as he pressed his body closer to mine, laying himself down on top of me. The feeling of his body on mine, of so much flesh touching so much flesh with such force, it was pure pleasure.

Dragging my fingers through his tousled bronze hair, I moaned into his mouth a breathless plea, "Please..." was all I uttered before I felt Edward slide inside me for the first time. All semblance of thought was lost in that moment, as we each gave over to the hunger our bodies felt, the insatiable thirst that we had for each other's touch.

Surrendering to the pleasure of our love making, I stared into the eyes of the man that I loved so completely, as he stared back into mine. Whispering and uttering how much we loved each, we continued to watch each others faces, until Edward's face crumpled into the most beautiful expression I had ever witnessed, the pleasure of orgasm consuming him at the same time it washed over me. Edward bought his lips to mine once more, to kiss me softly and tenderly, as our bodies continued to shudder in ecstasy from our love making.

Lying motionless once more in the dark, with Edward lying gently on top of me, both of us breathing hard to catch our completely unnecessary breath--- I locked away in the vault of 'bad memories' the last five years of pain, the torturous feelings of when he had left me in the forest near my old home in Forks. I shrugged off the hurt, the mistakes and the heartbreak that had plagued our relationship for far too long. Instead I basked in our love, in the knowledge that it was forever, that we could spend each night from now on, loving each other as openly and as freely as we just had.

I didn't feel broken any longer, I felt whole, complete.

How ironic it was….that in order to fix my broken heart, all I had to do was stop it beating….

* * *

**Well there it is- my first ever attempt at writing a love scene! Bloody hell it's tough!!! Kudos to the writers who write them all the time,lol.**

**Anyhow go easy on me with your reviews...**


	20. Past, Present & Future

**I had to get this chapter out of my head...it was driving me crazy!**

**I don't know if you'll all agree with the contents and how it plays out, but it is what my mind 'saw' when I planned out this chapter...**

**I think there are probably four chapters left until my story reaches a close.**

**Please read and review...no flames please :o) Thanks to all those who continue to give me their reviews and feedback...you know who you are! You help keep me typing furiously and slightly sleep deprived,lol.  
**

**Dee**

(PS I do not claim to be SM or own any part of twilight...)

* * *

**Chapter 20 **

** Past, Present & Future**

**BPOV**

Enjoying the residual afterglow of our love making, I lay in Edward's arms smiling, content, nuzzling my nose into his chest and listening to his even breaths, as he trailed his fingers gently up and down my spine. The soft light from the overcast dawn lit our room softly with its muted light, signaling the start of a new day.

I would happily greet each morning for the rest of eternity this way...I looked forward to it.

A small sigh from Edward broke me out of my daydream of sorts. The small noise that escaped his throat was not a good sound to hear at such an early hour, it was the kind of sigh that signaled deep reflection, rather than the absolute bliss that I was feeling.

When a second sigh followed soon after, I knew something was on Edward's mind. Something that sounded like it was less than pleasant to think upon.

I didn't want to leave the paradise like feelings of my current mood, but knowing that Edward was not sharing my happiness made it impossible to enjoy myself any longer. Wriggling out of his embrace I rolled onto my stomach and propped myself up on my elbows so I could look into his troubled face.

"What's wrong?" I asked quietly, gazing up into his eyes and I saw the look of concern that confirmed what his sighs had hinted at. Edward's brow was creased in thought, as he reached out and gently rubbed my cheek with his thumb.

"Nothing. I was just thinking…" he trailed off, reluctant to tell me his thoughts- instead he averted his gaze and looked over my shoulder to the window behind me.

"Edward…stop avoiding me- look at me." I pleaded softly. "Please… you know you can tell me anything…will you tell me what is troubling you?" I asked giving him the choice to share his thoughts with me, rather than demanding it.

"I was just thinking about all the things you've given up Bella." He sighed, "for _this_….for _me_."

_Their playing our song._ I thought wryly. This conversation was a familiar one…one I had heard many times back in my human days.

Sometimes talking to Edward was like talking to a brick wall. This subject was always one of those times…

"I haven't given up anything Edward" I answered honestly, while wondering when he was finally going to be able to move on from all this concern about the perceived sacrifices I had made in deciding to shun my human life and join him as a vampire.

It was too late to change my decision, so I didn't understand the need to linger in the past for a second longer.

"Yes you have Bella" he shook his head and sat up in bed, running his fingers through his hair, "Don't get me wrong…" he said gently. "I love you more than anything, and last night was amazing…"

"But?" I asked, knowing full well that was going to be the next word out of his mouth.

His frown became more pronounced, as he thought through what he was about to say. I braced myself for the onslaught; it was never good when Edward was in one of 'these' moods.

"But Bella…" he said sounding physically pained, "I can never give you all the things I wanted for you and it saddens me. The thought of all the experiences you never got a chance to have, they plague my mind….you pregnant, experiencing the joy of feeling your child move inside of you, the chance to be a mother, to watch your child grow to adulthood, to have grandchildren, to grow old..." He dropped his head to stare into his lap.

"Edward…" I whispered, hating to see him in so much self induced and unnecessary pain, "There's something I haven't told you…something that I hope will make you realize that I gave up very little to be with you… that there is nothing for you to feel so incredibly guilty about, like you do."

I had kept this vital fact from Edward for too long. I had failed to consider, that since my being changed he would still be so concerned about the human experiences he felt I had abandoned in order to be with him. Here I was, just last night, angry about the things he had kept from me….while I had kept something so important from him for so much longer. My own little 'omission'.

He gazed up into my eyes, clearly upset at the thought of what I had bartered away in order for an eternity with him, and I had to stop the self loathing I saw in his eyes.

I had thought it was time to bury the bad memories and feelings from our past last night, but Edward still did not have some of the important facts he needed to help him do the same thing…details that only I could tell him.

I had to remedy the situation and make him see _finally _that this was where I belonged, no questions and no regrets; my decision was not something to mourn…it was something to celebrate. At least that was the way I saw it.

"Edward…I never would have become a mother, or experienced most of those things on your wish list." I said softly a tinge of sadness creeping into my voice, as I kissed my lips into the top of his head. I couldn't stand to see him so upset and not reach out to touch him in some small way, to offer some small measure of comfort to try and ease his inner turmoil.

"You can't know that Bella" he whispered, taking my hands in his gently…sadly.

"Yes, I can" I answered, looking down at his hands as they held mine so tenderly. "Edward, I should have told you this the moment I found you, the moment I told you that I wanted you back. Edward…back when I was married to Jake…back in my old life…" I struggled to finish, the words that finally admitted to Edward how I had tried and failed to have children with Jake, they were hard to find. I had put off telling him about this part of our years of separation mainly because I didn't know how to say the words I needed to say, without the worry of further hurting him.

I had tried to have a family.

I had tried to have a life without him, and it felt like a betrayal of our love.

"Edward…I did try to have children…I did fall pregnant." I said gently, hoping he would not be injured by my confession.

"What are you telling me Bella?" he asked, his face pinched in anguish. "Please tell me you didn't leave a child of your own flesh and blood to be with me." He sounded horrified and crushed at the thought.

"No, no." I assured him quickly, grasping his hands tightly and squeezing them. I was making such a mess of what I was trying to say.

"Jake and I…we tried to have children and I fell pregnant…several times." I explained, my voice dropping to a soft whisper now, "but I miscarried each pregnancy. The doctors told me that I would never carry a child of my own...that it wasn't possible" I stopped talking, allowing Edward time for my revelation to sink in.

"Oh Bella…" he whispered taking me in his arms and holding me, comforting me, planting kiss after kiss on my forehead, my cheeks, the lids of my now closed eyes. "I'm so sorry…"

"It's ok…" I opened my eyes and smiled a weak smile at him. "I don't deny that back then…it hurt, the memory still does a little, but Edward I always felt- I still feel like I never became a Mom, because it wasn't what was destined to be. Being married, being human…none of it was what was fated for me. I was meant to be here….with you." I leant in toward him further, to rest my forehead on his shoulder in a loving gesture.

"I hurt us both so much…" he murmered quietly, into my hair."Without you Bella…I was a shell of a man, life seemed worthless without you. I should never have left you." he all but whispered.

"Please don't start this again Edward" I pleaded.

"Start what?" he asked, sounding a little defensive.

"What you always do…the self loathing, the guilt, the uncanny ability you have to blame every little thing that happens to me….to us, on yourself. Please don't do that to yourself anymore." I all but begged him.

"Why?" he asked sullenly, "Maybe it's justified."

"No…it isn't Edward and deep down you have to know that, you have to realize it!" I tried to stress how important it was that he forgave himself and I felt the slight irritation building in my mood; 'Emo Edward' always managed to rouse my irritable side, whenever he made an appearance.

I had hoped that my being changed would put his masochistic tendencies to rest. It seemed I was wrong.

Sighing a deep long sigh of my own, I kissed him chastely on the lips before retreating from his arms to look at the wonderful, caring, complex and sometimes infuriating man that sat in front of me, as he insisted on blaming himself over every little action and mistake he felt he had made in our relationship.

When Edward was feeling this way he looked as though he carried the weight of the world on his shoulders, a weight that I could not allow him to carry alone. "Edward…" I said softly as I shook my head at him, "What am I going to do with you?" he looked up at me with a confused look on his face, clearly wondering where I was going with what I was saying.

"Edward do you know why I forgave you so quickly last night… when I found out about you keeping my talent and your ability to hear my thoughts from me?"

"Not really" he replied, "But you always have managed to confound me with your reactions" he smiled a small smile.

I smiled a small smile in return. "I forgave you so quickly, so completely Edward… because I knew that you would punish yourself more than I ever would or could. I could have ranted and raved, or held it against you, I could have given you the silent treatment, but I knew _my_ anger would be nothing compared to the internal anger that you so often direct upon yourself whenever you feel that you have hurt me in any way. You may be the mind reader in this relationship, but I know you all too well Edward Cullen." I reached out my hand and tried to smooth away the wrinkled frown that creased his forehead at what I was telling him.

"I knew last night, when all was said and done, that you had already added those two more things to the long list of things that you beat yourself up emotionally about. Please…" I said holding up my hand to stop the protesting interruption he had been about to make, "Don't try to tell me I am wrong. I've seen it in your face, in your eyes countless times Edward…you hold yourself responsible for everything that has gone wrong in our relationship…unfairly so. I'm not claiming that we haven't each made mistakes but…you need to let it go. It's toxic and unhealthy. I don't want it to spoil the future that we have now." I implored hoping that he would see how carrying over such poisonous thoughts about himself would affect our future relationship in the long run.

He remained silent, his face intense, as he mentally processed everything I was telling him, everything I was pleading with him to understand.

"You did what you thought was the right thing at the time Edward." I continued softly, my voice echoing the love and forgiveness that I would always show the man before me. Why couldn't he see himself clearly? Why didn't he realize that he didn't need to try to be perfect in, order to have my unconditional love...he already had it. Stroking his cheek gently with the back of my hand I continued. "I didn't agree with some of your choices where I was concerned, but maybe they _were _the right thing ultimately."

He shot me a confused look at that statement, before I pressed on with my explanation. "Maybe we needed that time apart, those years to feel the pain of our loss, to know what it was like to be without each other. It gave me the chance to experience my human life, the life you so desperately wished for me. Perhaps we needed that time apart for me to know without any doubt that my life without you was not what I wanted, and so I could discover the hard way that my every attempt at happiness without _you_ would be unsuccessful. I think that every single thing that has happened since the moment we met has been part of a necessary journey leading us to exactly where we both needed to be…together, like this." I stated, believing passionately every word I had just uttered- it was the absolute truth.

I just needed to convince Edward of it.

Kissing the palm of Edward's hand, I placed it lovingly on my cheek enjoying its warmth, "Please don't ever regret anything that has happened between us again Edward…I don't. All the hurt and pain we have gone through….it has been worth every second to be here with you now. Our past has led us to the today, where we can be together and enjoy each other, and make plans for our unending future. Please don't regret a single second that led to this moment…please allow yourself to instead just be happy." I finished.

"You…are the most amazing woman I have ever met." Edward finally spoke, his voice thick with emotion. "Only you Bella could find the silver lining in the storm clouds that have dogged us. Everything you just said, it's nothing I haven't been told before, but hearing it from your lips, after all that we have been through both together and when we were parted, hearing that you truly did not give up the things I feared I was robbing you of, by wanting you for myself…I can hear the truth in what you are saying clearly for the first time, like the words are new to my ears."

He pressed his lips to my forehead before leaning back to look deeply into my eyes. "I promise you Bella…that from this day forward, I will not dwell on the past. I can do that… for us, for our future together." He pledged, kissing me once more, as if to seal the promise.

"Good" I whispered as his lips left my mouth. "I'd hate to have to brainwash you." I teased, trying desperately to bring some of the lightheartedness back to our day, after such a heavy early morning discussion.

"Please…don't even joke about it." He groaned, but he was smiling now. "I'm still recovering from the heart attack you almost gave me, when you thought of getting me to kiss Emmett. That's no mean feat, you know." He chuckled, "being a vampire and all." I rolled my eyes at his little vampire joke.

"Is there anything else you wanted to talk about?" I asked slightly apprehensive but at the same time wanting to lay the past to rest once and for all.

"Yes. He smiled, "I was wondering…what you would like to do today? The weather is perfect for an outing- if you think you are up to it."

"An outing sounds wonderful" I smiled, happy at the change in conversation, "but I think…the first thing I should do is go downstairs and face the music aka Tanya." I grimaced at the thought of what I knew I had to do, "I should see if she is still here, and explain that I was _unaware_ of my 'talent' until after our little run in last night."

I still chuckled at the image of her dripping wet, her wild eyes darting in fear around the room.

"I draw the line at apologizing though." I added, which caused Edward to throw his head back in laughter.

"I love you so much." He grinned.

"And I love you." I grinned back. "Come on lets go get this over with…then I can move onto the fun stuff, like putting Carlisle out of his misery and winning my little wager with Emmett."

"You're really enjoying yourself with this new found power of yours aren't you?"Edward asked a look of amusement on his face.

"You have no idea" I giggled.

Dressing quickly in a pair of skinny jeans and a royal blue tank top- just one of the many outfits Alice had stocked Edward's wardrobe with for me- I popped a new pair of brown colored contacts into my eyes to disguise my red irises and waited for Edward to emerge from the bathroom. He appeared moments later dressed for the day in matching blue jeans with a white t-shirt, looking completely edible as usual.

Taking my hand in his and leading me out the door towards the stairs, Edward chuckled, "I can't wait to see Emmett's face when Carlisle hands over his car keys to you, no questions asked."

"I can't wait to see _Carlisle's_ face" I added laughing. "Plus...I'm really looking forward to seeing Emmett in one of Rose' dresses."

As my feet hit the bottom step I was confronted with the glare of an extremely angry looking vampire. I felt my good mood draining away, as if someone had pulled a plug on it. Tanya looked like she was out for blood--- namely mine.

"Tanya" I said curtly. I knew she deserved an explanation and that I had earned her ire, but I had no intention of showing her anything more than the smallest amount of courtesy necessary.

A low growl was her only reply.

"Please let me explain about last night..." I began, holding my arms up imploringly.

"Carlisle has already told me about your 'gift' and the fact that you didn't know about it until after..._after what you did to me_." She spat the last few words, clearly still not forgiving me, despite knowing my actions were unintentional.

"I'm glad Carlisle talked to you. It's true that until I saw you…what you had done, and until I spoke with Carlisle afterwards, I had no idea what I was capable. I give you my assurance that I will never do such a thing to you again." I promised, a small smirk tugging at one side of my mouth, "Of course it would be prudent of you to not provoke me again, or I may rethink that promise." I added threateningly.

For such a fierce looking vampire, Tanya recoiled quickly at hearing my warning. I knew then, that despite her irate expression, she was terrified of me. Quickly stuttering out a speedy goodbye to me and Edward, one I was pleased to see involved no physical contact, she turned to leave. I decided to have a little more fun before she left- she was such a deserving target.

"It was…interesting meeting you Tanya" I called as she began to stride towards the front door "I'm sure we'll see each other again soon."

With that she spun around to face me looking, equally confused and unsettled by my pleasant sounding goodbye. "What?" she snapped.

"Well of course you'll be invited to the wedding…" I replied innocently, "You're like family."

"Wedding?" she said, "Whose wedding?"

"Silly" I giggled at her, "Edward's and mine of course."

Her eyes almost fell out of her head at that, she huffed, then muttered something that sounded like, _"Screw you!"_ before storming out the door.

Still giggling at her reaction, I looked over at Edward, "I was wrong before, upstairs--- that was way more fun than I thought it would be."

Edward wasn't laughing though- he had an odd expression on his face, which he quickly tried to hide.

"What?" I asked him.

"Oh nothing" he replied regaining his composure and flashing me a brilliant smile, "I was just distracted… thinking about our plans for the day. I'll tell you about it later. Let's go find Carlisle and Emmett, I think I hear them outside." I couldn't help but think he had just cleverly found a way to brush off my question by only giving a half answer. Trust Edward to find a loophole in my talent.

With a smile that almost split his face in two, Edward dragged me towards the front door. He was definitely up to something judging by that expression.

We found Carlisle and Emmett kneeling outside, up to their proverbial ears in gardening, under Esme's ever watchful eye. Neither one looked like they particularly wanted to be pottering around in the flower beds.

"Carlisle" I called sweetly, watching him stand upright from his crouched position in the dirt automatically at the sound of his name being called "I was wondering…" I began.

I saw Emmett's head pop up from amongst the thriving petunias, he reminded me of an oversized gopher the way he popped up from the flower bed his face smattered with dirt, his eyes bright in anticipation of what he thought he was about to witness, a wide grin plastered on his smug and confident looking face. He flashed a look between me and his Jeep, which I noted was caked with thick, dry mud. It looked like he had taken it for a spin overnight in a field, just to make it nice and dirty for me to wash when he won our little bet. I almost felt bad about how I was tricking him and how disappointed he was going to be when he had to wash his own Jeep.

Carlisle on the other hand looked like he was about to have a coronary, he must have still been hoping I would change my mind overnight about asking to drive his car. He gulped loudly waiting for me to finish my question. If he could…he'd be sweating bullets.

"Carlisle…I need to go out for a while and seeing as I don't have a car of my own I was wondering…seeing as you're not working today and won't need your car…" I was dragging out my request, for maximum squirm and entertainment value.

Edward chuckled beside me- I would have to ask him later what Carlisle and Emmett were both thinking right now.

"Here" Carlisle snorted, clearly unhappy about my unrelenting quest to teach him a lesson, "Take it" he took the keys from his pocket and threw them towards me. I caught them and held them aloft like a prized trophy.

"Thanks Dad" I smiled sweetly at Carlisle and he did something so childish, so unlike the Carlisle I knew and loved, he poked his tongue out at me before once more delving into the dirt and greenery at his feet, weeds now flying hell, west and crooked, as he muttered under his breath.

"NO WAY!" Emmett yelled, so shocked that he missed Carlisle's little response to me weaseling his car out of him.

"You didn't even ask him…he just handed the keys over!" he sounded nothing short of astounded.

I just smiled in reply and jingled the keys at him, claiming my victory and rubbing his face in it…just a little.

"Argh CRAP!" he exclaimed, looking over at his Jeep, realizing that he would have to wash it himself now.

"Have fun washing your car Em." Edward laughed.

"Shut up chicken boy!" Emmett growled, which had the desired effect, Edward clamped his mouth shut and didn't utter another taunting word, his body shook with silent laughter though and his smirk remained firmly in place.

"Don't forget to wear the appropriate outfit when you wash your Jeep Emmett." I reminded him of the terms of our bet.

Alice appeared in a blur of speed, she was clutching a red tube dress that I recalled seeing Rose wearing once. "Here Emmett" she trilled, "This ought to fit you." She flung the dress at him before spinning to face Edward and me. "Have a great day today you too" she smiled a knowing smile at us both, obviously having already 'seen' something good happening during the course of our day.

A series of silent exchanges occurred then between Edward and Alice, before she hugged us both fiercly and then disappeared back inside talking hurriedly on her phone to some designer about a dress she 'had' to have made pronto. I felt sorry for the poor human that Alice was now harassing about a dress she probably couldn't even fit in her already overstocked closet.

Glaring at the dress that he would be wearing for the foreseeable future and still grumbling in disbelief that he had lost our bet, Emmett balled the dress up and tucked it under his arm like a football, before storming off into the house, and slamming the door behind him.

"How long are you going to make him wear that dress before you tell him that you cheated?" Edward asked quietly beside me.

Tapping my finger to my head to indicate that Edward should access my thoughts, I answered his question silently, fearing Emmett might overhear my answer. _One day…two tops. I really want to see him pull down a grizzly wearing that get up._

The front door swung open suddenly to reveal Emmett, clad in the skintight red tube dress. The fabric stretched to capacity to contain his muscled body. It was hilarious and a little disturbing to witness, as he strode out of the house. The length -or lack thereof, coupled with the fit of the dress, left nothing to the imagination.

Emmett waggled his eyebrows, moving on from his discomfort to humor, after catching sight of the shocked looking faces that now took in his appearance.

"What do you think?" he did a pirouette. "Is red my color?" he laughed.

"Um..." was all I managed to say before breaking into laughter.

"I think it shows of my 'ass-ets' well" he boomed, shaking his tushie like some sort of male version of Beyonce, before grabbing the garden hose from a gaping Carlisle and proceeding to wash his Jeep; each movement threatening to reveal far too much Emmett for safe public viewing.

"Let's take the Mercedes for a spin" Edward whispered into my ear.

"Great idea!" I quickly agreed, wanting to not risk being flashed by Emmett any further.

"Where to?" I asked, now that I was sitting behind the wheel of Carlisle's car, the engine purring under the hood.

"I'll give you directions as we go" Edward said mysteriously, planning on surprising me with our destination.

Waving overly enthusiastically to a slightly paler looking Carlisle, I gunned the engine, fishtailing down the drive. I watched in the rear view mirror as he clutched at his chest, where his un-beating heart lay, before catching a glimpse of Emmett continuing to wash his Jeep, dressed in drag.

I decided with a final chuckle at the image that lay behind me- that life as a vampire had the potential to be heaps of fun!

* * *

Next chapter coming up soon...


	21. Love & the Lake

Hi guys,

Sorry it has been a while since I updated. I had some issues with logging in to my account but it (fingers crossed)is all sorted now.

I apologise in advance to anyone who has a knowledge of the place that I have Edward and Bella visit in this chapter. I have never visited it personally or the U.S for that matter, so I am basing what I wrote on internet searches. Forgive me if it sounds a little off on details.

I want to say a quick Happy Birthday to my DD. It was on Friday, but I couldn't log on to wish her a happy birthday then,lol. This story has been written for her and I will present it to her as a belated birthday present.

* * *

**Chapter 21 **

**Love & the Lake**

**BPOV**

Following Edward's concise instructions I turned Carlisle's Mercedes southward, still none the wiser as to where we were speeding at such an early hour of the morning.

"So are you going to tell me where we're going?" I shot Edward a sidelong look full of open curiosity.

"Eventually." He flashed a grin at me, "No forcing it out of me either. Deal?"

"Fine." I huffed, directing my eyes back to the road in front of me.

"It's somewhere almost as beautiful as you." He smiled, before chuckling and adding, "And just as untamed."

"Smooth talker." I couldn't help but smile back.

When Edward told me it was going to take a few hours to get where we were going I re-focused on the drive rather than the final destination, enjoying the scenery and his company.

Every now and then we whizzed by a car sharing the highway with us. Most were only occupied by one or two passengers, beginning their long trek to work at a guess. It was a little thrilling and nerve wracking all at the same time overtaking those cars and the people they housed. I hadn't been out in public since I had disappeared from that Seattle diner with Alice. I hadn't seen a human since I had been changed. It felt good to be outside, mingling somewhat with the real world again. Watching the faces of commuters as they bopped to a tune on their radio or spoke into their cell phones- it made me feel just like the Bella of old, albeit a little more indestructible now and a much faster driver.

I didn't feel any overwhelming desire to hunt or to find some way to drink the blood of the nearby humans. I could barely smell anything from my spot behind the wheel, allowing me to enjoy the moment and not be distracted by my instincts.

I was more than a little nervous though that Edward's planned destination may include a close up encounter with humans and I was not sure I was ready for that.

"Edward?" I said quietly as we passed another car, this one with a female driver who I could hear singing nursery rhymes to her small and very upset child in the back seat.

"Mm?" he answered distractedly, as he fiddled with the radio dials on Carlisle's stereo trying to find a station he was happy to listen to.

"There aren't going to be any 'people' where we are going are there?"

"No love, no humans." He smiled. "I've taken care of that. Where we are going will be human free by the time we get there."

"Um…do I want to even ask how you managed that?" I asked; a little more relaxed now that I knew today was not going to test my strength in resisting eating someone.

"Probably not" he laughed in response.

"How did you even manage to organize anything at all?" I was perplexed. We had barely been away from one another since I had been changed.

"Ahhh you forget that some of us fellow vampires also have talents Bella." He tapped at his temple. "I simply sent Alice a few messages via her visions and she organized the rest." He laughed smugly at how his little plans had taken shape right under my nose.

"So that's what all the staring and mental conversing was about this morning?" I had noticed that little exchange and now it was beginning to make sense.

"Yes. Alice was just passing along the message that everything was under control and good to go. Now…no more questions, let's just enjoy the drive, with the way you speed now it won't take long until we get there.

"I do like driving fast." I admitted with a sheepish grin. "It's fun and not so terrifying when you know that you aren't going to end up a mangled mess if you crash."

"You are coping so well with all of this…I almost forget that you are still a newborn." Edward beamed. I could hear the pride and praise ringing in Edward's voice when he spoke of how well he thought I was adjusting to my new life.

"I told you…" I reached out and squeezed his hand, "That this is where I was always meant to be. I think I was born to become a vampire."

"Well vampire girl. Now that you are one….what are you thinking of doing for the next several hundred years or millennia?" Edward asked teasingly.

"Hmmm...big question. I've never been one for making long term goals." I laughed at the truth of my words; I usually had trouble planning ahead a month, let alone for a few thousand years time. "I have given it a little thought." I admitted, emphasizing the little part. "I was thinking though that maybe once I am ready to be around people…that you could finally graduate high school and then we might be able to go to college together. Apart from that…my only plan is to be with you for every day of forever."

"I like the sound of that idea." Edward answered quietly, taking my hand from his and pressing a kiss into the top of it.

"Good, because you're stuck with me whether you like it or not." I flashed him a broad smile.

"I guess I'll just have to live with that and make the most of it." He flashed me a dazzling smile, as we continued to talk so casually about my change.

It was wonderful to talk to Edward about my becoming a vampire without seeing the lingering doubt and worry behind his eyes. I could feel the change that our conversation this morning had had on him.

We spent the next few hours of our journey alternating between conversation and silence, listening to music, taking in the scenery and just enjoying being together. Discussing our future plans filled my heart with a joy I had never known before. Planning for our future together was still like a dream come to life.

"Are you going to tell me where we're going now Edward? I asked, now that home lay two hundred miles behind us; my curiosity finally getting the better of me.

"Impatient Isabella," Edward laughed softly, "Another thing that hasn't changed." He grinned. "We're going to Crater Lake" Edward answered, putting me out of my misery finally.

"Thank you Edward for telling me finally, you know I don't like surprises." I playfully slapped his arm. "I've always wanted to visit Crater Lake" I thought aloud, "it always looked so beautiful in the photographs I remember seeing."

"Well thanks to your driving and the speed Carlisle's car is capable of…we are almost there." he quipped.

"What? Scared of my speeding now Edward?" I shot him a mock incredulous look. "When I was human I drove too slow…now I drive too fast. Won't you ever be happy?"

"I'm happier now than I have ever been." Edward's voice rang with sincerity. No further teasing about my driving, no stabs at the old red truck that used to irk him with its snail pace speed; just a heartfelt admission of being the happiest he had felt in over one hundred years, and that I was the reason. It was quite the compliment.

"Ditto" I smiled at my soul mate as he that sat beside me holding my hand. "I know exactly what you mean."

Almost floating with feelings of happiness and love, I followed the signage the final few miles, to Crater Lake. Pulling into the top parking lot, I noticed that it was not completely deserted; a red sports car was also parked there. I knew that car, it was Rose's. That explained why she wasn't at the house earlier to witness Emmett wearing his little red dress.

Jasper appeared from the trees at the same time Rose emerged from her car. "So you have two accomplices Edward." I stated.

"Three, if you count Alice." He smiled. "Don't be mad at them, this surprise is something I asked them to help me with.

"I'm not mad." I smiled stepping out of the car and dashing to his side to once again take his hand. "Happy, remember."

Edward smiled and kissed me gently on the lips. "Ditto" he whispered, borrowing the line I used earlier.

"Welcome to Crater Lake." Jasper drawled as he joined us.

"Thanks Jazz." I smiled.

"Hi, you two love birds." Rose chimed as she strode over to join us." Jasper and I have chased off all the pesky humans for you, but we'll stay here and make sure that any more visitors that turn, up will leave and not disturb your plans." She said turning to Edward.

"Thanks Rose." He smiled at his sister.

It was nice to see them getting along. I had still been worried about how their relationship might have changed with everything that happened. If anything it seemed to have somehow strangely improved- the two of them softening toward each other, dropping the snarling pretenses altogether.

"Yep if Rose can't convince them that the park is closed…then I am just going to confuse the hell out of them with their own emotions and send them packing." Jasper laughed. It sounded like he was enjoying the prospect of messing with some human feelings.

"So I see that judging by the car you two arrived in…my husband is now wearing one of my dresses." Rose laughed softly." I bet he's wishing he didn't muddy up his Jeep last night now."

"He was washing it in a little red dress when we left." I giggled remembering how Emmett had looked as we pulled away from the house.

"Having fun with your new talent?" Rose asked; surprising me with her knowledge of my vampire abilities.

"You know?" I asked a little nervously. I had after all tricked her husband into making a bet he had no hope of ever winning.

"Alice does too." Rose answered nonchalantly, "She told me last night at the party, she saw a vision of your little conversation with Tanya and her little suicide attempt." She laughed. "Don't worry Bella, I'm not going to 'out' you to Emmett. It might teach him a lesson about gambling."

"Doubt it"" Edward and Jasper both said at the same time.

"Rose. Jasper." Edward inclined his head in their direction as he spoke. "If you'll excuse us…Bella and I have a date." He grinned.

"Have fun you two." Jasper smiled before unleashing some lust on us and then laughing loudly before he ran off.

"Like they need that Jazz" Rose said dryly before wrapping her arms around me in a hug and whispering, "Have a wonderful day today Bella."

"Thanks Rose." I hugged her back. It was nice to feel the closeness that we had developed.

Moving onto Edward she wrapped her arms around her brother and he returned her embrace. I heard no whispered conversation but I knew that Rose was saying something to Edward mentally because he broke away from her embrace with a broad smile. "Thanks Rose."

"Would you care to take a walk with me?" Edward asked, extending his hand for me to take it.

"I'd love to." I answered, taking his hand and entwining my fingers in his. "Bye guys." I called as we headed off on a track towards the lake.

Crater Lake was breath taking in its beauty. I breathed in the surrounding countryside, the thick scent of pine needles that laced the air, the rich aroma of the earth that crunched loudly beneath my shoes, the smell of the water that wafted in the breeze.

It was like a sensory overload of wonderful proportions.

The Lake itself was picturesque, its beauty astounding; the water a rich blue, in stark contrast with the bare earth and grey rock that encompassed it. The varying shades of green from the surrounding pine growth forest fringed the lake, a rich green ring of wilderness. I imagined in my mind how on a clear day, with the water reflecting the blue of the sky, it must be even more striking; the Lake would no doubt look like a large blue sapphire nestled deep in the Earth's mantle.

Every color seemed intensified, more vibrant, more alive. I wondered whether it had to do with the natural beauty of the area or my enriched vampire sight…perhaps a mixture of the two.

"It's so beautiful here" I murmured, feeling like my words were not enough to describe the scene I found myself standing amongst.

"Isn't it..." Edward agreed nodding. "For something with such a violent volcanic past it is now so peaceful and tranquil…so breathtakingly perfect." He mused, pausing to give me a sideways glance, and I wondered if Edward was drawing comparisons with the formation of the lake and with the development of our relationship and our love; both had been formed from some unexpected and potentially deadly event to begin with- the Lake with the Explosion of the Mount Mazama –and our relationship, with our meeting in high school, where Edward had fought the urge to kill me. Both resulted in something equally beautiful.

Making our way down to the water's edge I kicked my shoes off and dipped my toe in the water, it was cool on my skin, but warmer than I expected it to be. "How deep is the water? Do you know?" I asked looking over my shoulder where Edward followed behind me.

"It's one thousand, nine hundred forty-three feet deep from what I've read, making it the deepest lake in the United States" Edward answered like a walking encyclopedia.

I thought he would know facts about the lake, and he didn't disappoint.

"Bella" Edward whispered, stepping closer to me and turning me away from the lake to look into his eyes. "Bella" he repeated in a soft barely audible whisper, unleashing his intoxicating breath into my face. "I bought you here because there's something I wanted to say" Moving a small step away from my arms. I watched Edward sink down to the ground, resting on one bended knee, and looking up at me with the most love filled look I had ever seen on his face; more tender than the moments we shared last night and just as intense in emotion. "There's something I wanted to ask you…"

Reaching into his pocket Edward pulled out a ring that surpassed even the lake in beauty. The antique looking ring was topped with a large, slightly domed oval, of matching yellow gold, inlaid with several dozen diamonds. It was exquisite. Even in the overcast light of day, it sparkled brightly. I briefly thought about how it would throw rainbows of shattered light brighter than our vampire skin if it was exposed to a cloudless sunny day.

Tearing my eyes from the ring, I stared back into Edward's eyes to watch and listen as he proposed to me, another of my dreams about to finally come true.

"Bella…" he breathed, "I love you more than I ever believed it possible to love someone. The moment you came into my life, you turned it upside down. My life was changed irrevocably the moment our eyes met. At the time I didn't know just how much you would come to mean to me, how you would capture my heart and make it yours. I could never have guessed how deeply I would fall in love with you. I had been alone for so long, never finding the feelings of love that my family spoke of… the love like you see in romantic movies. And then….there you were, beautiful and mysterious and stubborn…" he smiled at the stubborn bit and so did I. "You accepted me unconditionally, you trusted me with your love and with your life. I love you forever. You are the keeper of my heart. The only one who will ever know my love…"

Edward's thumb began caressing the top of my hand, rubbing down to the space on my finger where the ring in his hand belonged. "Bella, will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?"

Looking down on Edward, as he proposed to me, with such beautiful words, I couldn't help but radiate the love I was feeling back at him. I wished that I could still cry tears of happiness so that he would know how moved I was by his words. I flashed him my most brilliant smile, and nodded my head softly and slightly, before answering aloud. "Yes." I whispered. I watched the crooked grin I loved so much break across his face at my answer.

"Yes" I repeated a little louder. "I cannot wait to be your wife Edward. I can't wait to walk down the aisle, to see your smiling face waiting to greet me. I can't wait to have everyone know that you are mine and I am yours. I love you!" I exclaimed as he slipped the ring onto my finger where it would remain for all of eternity.

Rising from his position on the ground, Edward drew me into his arms. "I love you so much Bella…" he whispered into my mouth, before kissing me softly on my lips at first, then more intensely as his emotions bubbled over.

The sound of Edward's cell phone ringing caught us both by surprise, as it played Wagner's Bridal March.

"Alice!" we both said at the same time, before breaking into laughter.

Quickly taking the call and putting it on speakerphone, Edward and I were bombarded by our over excited sister as she screamed in excitement down the phone in congratulations. Once we had placated her by confirming that she could help plan our wedding, we said our goodbyes, promising to talk more once we got back home.

We made our way back to the rim of the crater that housed the lake and strolled hand in hand along the path back towards the car. My engagement ring nestled between our intertwined fingers, a symbol that proclaimed publicly our commitment to each other; but no amount of diamonds or gold would ever adequately display the depth of our love to any passing stranger…our love was as deep as the lake we walked beside, and just as permanent.

ooOoo

Arriving back at the parking lot, Edward and I were enveloped in Rose and Jasper's congratulatory hugs and kisses before we all piled into our respective cars and headed home to continue celebrating our engagement.

I was so elated I didn't even mind when Edward asked to drive, I just handed over the keys and slid into the passenger seat, a wide smile plastered on my face.

"You do know that Alice is going to be worse than any Bridezilla there has even been."Edward chuckled. "She loves planning weddings more than parties."

"Oh but you forget my dear fiancé." I loved the way that word _fiancé_ sounded. "I can stop Alice's hyperactive tendencies with a mere whisper."

"That may come in handy." Edward laughed.

We drove the rest of the way home in our own little perfect world, holding hands and sharing smiles and stealing quick kisses whenever possible. To anyone watching we would have looked just like any other young couple, in love and newly engaged.

When we pulled into the garage, we were greeted by our family.

Carlisle first, pausing to give his car a welcome home pat on the hood- before congratulating us on our news. Wrapping his arms around me he said, "Congratulations Bella." Before adding in a whisper, "Please don't ever ask to borrow my car again."

"Thank you Carlisle. I promise I won't ask to drive your car again." I chuckled. This earned me another squeeze of thanks.

Esme wrapped me up in a fierce embrace for someone so gentle looking. "You are going to be the most beautiful bride." She beamed, her eyes twinkling with joy. "My son is a very lucky man." She added.

"I think I would argue about who is the lucky one." I whispered back.

Alice snatched me from Esme's arms, her eyes looking nothing short of feverish with excitement. "We have so much to do!" she exclaimed.

"Calm down Alice." I laughed a little nervously at how jittery she was as she embraced me.

"Yeah, yeah." She waved her hand at me dismissively, as she produced a large scrapbook from what seemed like thin air. "I fortunately have been preparing for such an occasion for a while now." she shook the scrapbook at me and I noticed it was titled "Edward and Bella's Wedding.

"Alice! When…" I trailed off looking at the thick scrapbook full of wedding ideas.

"Told you..." Edward smiled, before kissing me on the forehead. '_Nightmare'_ he mouthed over the top of Alice's head, earning him a sharp poke in the ribs from her elbow.

"Since not long after you and Edward met." She said with a smug smile, "You two just took longer than me to work out that you were meant to be together.

Emmett's hug was the last I felt, and the strongest. I was thankful that I was a vampire and not a human, or I'd have a couple of broken ribs. "Congrats, little sister." He boomed, still clad in the red dress from our bet.

"Thanks Emmett" I hugged him back. "By the way I'm in such a good mood that I've changed my mind about our bet" I stated letting him off the hook, "You can ditch the dress if you like." I offered.

"A bet's a bet." He said laughing and ruffling my hair as he put me down.

"Even if I... cheated?" I asked nervously.

"Cheated?"He asked confused. "What do you mean?"

"Well…I kind of have this little gift for making people do what I want…" I said carefully, watching intently for Emmett's reaction.

"Huh!" he exclaimed. "She really is your perfect match Edward." He laughed. "Don't worry Bella, I'm not upset but I will take you up on that offer to change." With that he dashed off to the house.

"Let's all go inside." Carlisle suggested.

"Let the fun begin!" Alice squealed, dragging me up to her room and away from Edward's arms. I could have stopped her, but I didn't even want to.

Not yet anyway….

* * *

Another update to follow, sooner rather than later...hopefully.


	22. Wedding Plans & Old Memories

SM owns twilight all things associated with the saga franchise.

_A quick update, a shorter chapter, but a necessary one to begin to tie together the last few chapters of my story. The next one will be short too and will involve a necessary time leap.  
_

_Please review if you enjoy the chapter or send me a message if you have any questions._

_Dee_

* * *

**Chapter 22**

**Wedding Plans & Old Memories**

**BPOV**

When Edward had warned me about Alice morphing into some sort of Bridezilla rivaling, pint sized version of a wedding planner, I thought he was exaggerating. I quickly found out he wasn't.

By day two of our engagement I had already vetoed Alice's decisions on numerous occasions and had ordered her to quit harassing me and following me several times. She was like a vampire possessed, and that scrapbook she kept shoving under my nose--it was in danger of being torn into tiny shreds.

Thousands and thousands of tiny little paper pieces- maybe it could be the wedding confetti…

I'd never found an inanimate object so infuriating before.

"Alice!" I screamed at her after our latest disagreement. "Why on earth do we need to discuss the merits of napkin rings, versus napkin folding? Why do we have to discuss napkins at all? We're vampires! There isn't going to be any food! Napkins are kind of redundant don't you think!" This was getting ridiculous!

"Fine!" she shouted back at me, tearing a section of pages from her scrapbook and throwing them violently in the air, before storming off and slamming the door to her room loudly.

The pieces of paper floated to the floor, revealing several pages of careful drawings and cut out pictures of various napkin options. Pages and pages, that Alice had obviously compiled when I was still human, because in the margin of the pages were ideas about 'human' food that would be suitable for a three course meal.

I suddenly felt like an enormous bitch. Alice had poured so much of her time and love into dreaming up ideas for Edward's and my wedding and I was fighting with her over napkins.

Rapping softly on her door before entering, I found Alice clutching her prized scrapbook against her chest looking upset. "Can I come in?"

"Yes" she nodded, "but only because I know you're going to apologize to me." She sniffed.

"You really never are surprised are you?" I mused.

"Not often." She smiled a small smile, "Although you have always managed to shock me every now and then."

"I am sorry Alice." I apologized. "I just don't throw myself into things quite like you do. It is a little _overwhelming." _ I resisted the urge to use the words, _crazy over the top!_

"No, you were well within your rights." Alice talked down my need to apologize, "This is your wedding….and napkins are a bit pointless now."

"You've been working on this scrapbook for quite some time, haven't you Alice?" I asked, taking it gently from her hands to look carefully through the pages. Inside the treasured book were endless pages of wedding gown sketches, cakes, flowers, suits. Everything had been carefully considered, right down to the cuff links that the men would wear, the clasp that would hold back my upswept hair.

"Yes" Alice said softly, resting her head on my shoulder. "I started working on it while you were still in hospital…after James attacked you. I knew then how much you and Edward loved each other. I thought your marriage was inevitable."

"Thank you Alice." I hugged the scrapbook to my chest. "What you have done is beautiful, and so full of love.

"Can you show me the rest of your ideas?" I asked giving the book back and smiling at my beloved sister.

"Absolutely" she grinned, her eyes lighting up at my request. "Here look at these…"

I was then cast headlong into discussions of wedding gowns, fabric swatches, beading examples, and makeup.

An hour later- after I had begged Alice to move on from all things related to my wedding gown- she flipped to a new section of her book, dog eared for quick reference. "This is the cake I imagined for your wedding…..back when you would have been able to eat cake" She smiled, running her finger over the colored sketch of a three tiered masterpiece, iced in crisp white royal icing and topped with fresh flowers, freesias...blue ones.

"It would have been beautiful Alice." I smiled at her.

She started to flip to the next page, but her hand paused midway through completing the turn, as she caught sight of what was on the next page, a sad sigh escaped her mouth. "This…this is Charlie's section. Do you want to see this?" she asked.

I nodded in answer to her question. I wanted to see how Alice had planned on dressing my Dad on my wedding day; the day he would never have the chance to share with me.

Alice finished turning the page to reveal a photo of Charlie; it was surrounded by hand written ideas that ranged from what color suit he should wear, to the speech he should give as Father of the bride. I smiled imagining my Dad dressed in the charcoal suit that Alice had decided would match his skin tone and hair color. He would have looked dashing, I decided.

Reaching out my fingers I gently touched the photo of my Father's face; furiously recalling all the good memories we had shared, before the sadness of his death and the memory of his murder had a chance to overtake my mind.

"He loved you so much." Alice said quietly.

"And I loved him." I smiled a small smile. "We weren't very good at showing it…but we loved each other just as much as any other Father and daughter."

"You miss him terribly don't you?" Alice asked, placing her arm around my shoulder.

"Yes." I sighed, "I'm glad I can still remember him though." I smiled. "I know my memories might fade with time, but there are some things and some people I hope I never forget."

"Here" Alice said plucking the photo from the scrapbook and handing it to me. Take this. To help you remember." She explained.

"Thanks Alice." I murmured gazing down at the picture of a smiling Charlie.

"I have something else that belongs to you too." Alice said softly before rising from the bed and taking something from her jewelry case. Gently she pressed the gold wedding band into my palm, curling my fingers gently closed over it. "I kept it for you." She smiled down at me caringly, "So you could decide what you wanted to do with it."

Opening my hand I looked at the delicate golden wedding ring, the carefully etched flowers appearing even sharper now to my vampire eyes. My added sight revealing the intricate craftsmanship that went into creating the pattern that wove around the band, like a vine in bloom. I could see the tiny microscopic like scratches that crisscrossed over the etching of flowers, revealing the years of wear the ring had experienced on my finger.

"Thanks Alice…again." I managed a weak smile. "Now I just have to figure out what to do with it…"

"I'm sure you'll think of something." She said with a knowing tone to her voice, which surprised me, because I had no idea what I was going to do with it.

I slipped the ring into my jeans pocket carefully and placed the photo of Charlie in the back pocket of my jeans,standing to avoid creasing it.

All this talk of my Dad, plus seeing my old wedding ring again…it had me thinking about my old life. Memories surfacing rapidly, flickering images sliding seamlessly into one another like an old movie, before once again disappearing into the recesses of my mind; these memories overwhelmed me and left me feeling confused with their potency.

"Are you ok?" Alice asked, eyeing me worriedly.

"Yes." I said softly, "Just thinking…remembering."

"So…" Alice said trying to bring me back from my thoughts, "When were you and Edward planning on actually getting married? Have you discussed a date yet?"

"Yes but nothing definite." I answered, "There are a few things to consider before we can decide." She shot me a look that clearly asked me to elaborate on the considerations that needed to be made, so that she could decide if they were necessary.

"Well… first Edward needs to graduate high school; it'd look pretty odd if he started wearing a wedding ring before then, given the age he is pretending to be." Alice nodded in agreement. "I'd also like to organize a new identity so that I can even get married; technically I am still Bella Black, married to Jacob…until I am declared dead anyway." I finished.

"True." Alice said cocking her head to the side a little as if deep in thought. "I don't see that being a problem though, you can still have a wedding, exchange vows and have them be binding without all the legalities. As far as the documents go…Jazz already has that sorted."

"What do you mean Jazz has it sorted?"

"Ask no questions and you'll be told no lies Bella." Alice chuckled, "Let me just tell you this much…Jasper has some shady connections that are as we speak, fabricating every conceivable piece of identification that you will ever need to become Mrs. Isabella Cullen."

"Oh well…that's one less thing to worry about." I smiled, not even daring to think about the underworld connections Jasper might have at his disposal.

"So…let me get this straight." Alice said wrinkling her brow. "Everything is fine...so long as the wedding is after Edward graduates…you get to exchange vows and rings... and you don't mind if it isn't legally recognized?" she asked.

"No, I don't mind." I smiled. "Alice I think Edward and I have already surpassed the level of commitment of signing any sort of legal document to declare our love and commitment to one another…don't you?" _I had become a vampire for goodness sake…that was much more than signing my name on any piece of paper._ "Alice I just want to stand in front of my family and promise myself to Edward forever and have him do the same. I want to place a ring on his finger that tells every man, woman and child in this world that walks past him, that he is my husband, and I want him to place a ring on my finger so that those same people know that I am his wife. I couldn't care less if it was in front of the Pope himself or if Emmett was the one to preside over the ceremony."

The thought of Emmett filling the role of a priest had Alice and me in stitches laughing within seconds. Between the spurts of uncontrollable giggles Alice spluttered out, "Maybe Esme would be a better choice."

"Agreed." I chuckled back.

Regaining our composure Alice began scribbling in her scrapbook, writing down the details we had so far decided upon.

"So how does the twenty first of June next year sound?" Alice asked, her pen now tucked behind her ear.

"Sounds great Alice." I watched her quickly scratch the date down.

"I was thinking an evening ceremony would be nice?" She suggested tapping her chin with the black ballpoint in her hand awaiting my opinion.

"Twilight would be perfect." I answered. "It marks my favorite time of the day." I smiled to myself, thinking about how I looked forward to the sun setting marking the end of each day because it signaled the start of my evening with Edward.

"A starry night sounds perfect for you and Edward to stand under and exchange vows and celebrate your marriage." She smiled, a distant look in her eyes as she no doubt saw the ceremony playing out in her mind. I considered asking her to describe it to me, but decided to leave it a wonderful surprise instead."

"Ok. I think we're finished for the day." Alice said. "By the way…Edward is home and waiting rather impatiently for you downstairs, I think he has a surprise for you."

"Thanks for the photo and my ring." I hugged Alice tight to my chest. "And for all of the help with the wedding."

"My pleasure" she chimed, "Now go…before Edward barges in here like he is considering doing right now; because if he does……I am going to be in need of a new door."

"Ok, ok…I'm gone." I chuckled, dashing out the door towards Edward, detouring quickly to deposit the photo of Charlie and my old wedding ring safely in my dresser drawer. I would think about what I would do with my old wedding ring another day, my mind now was filled only with thoughts of feeling Edward's lips on mine.

I followed the sound of the soft piano notes that floated through the house and found Edward sitting with his eyes closed, as his fingers ran over the ivory keys. Without even opening his eyes he noticed me enter the room, I could tell by the change in his posture, the slight increase in his breathing. It was only since becoming a vampire myself, that I had been able to notice the subtle little physical signs that Edward gave off whenever I was nearby, the slight changes in his demeanor that signaled his awareness of me. My accelerated heart rate and breathing had always overshadowed his reactions, but now I could see them plainly. It pleased me to see that I affected him so completely just by entering the same breathing space, as he affected me.

"Come sit by me." He smiled, opening his eyes and flashing me a smile. "I have something I want you to listen to."

Snuggling in beside him on the piano stool I watched his fingers fly deftly over the piano keys, a beautiful piece of music filling my ears, the emotional undertone of its melody breathtaking, soft, gentle and delicate.

"It's beautiful…" I whispered kissing Edward on the cheek as his head dropped slightly to his lap, his hands stilled, as the last notes of his playing still lingering in the air.

"I thought we might be able to use it on our wedding day." He said softly, "When I wrote it, I was imagining you walking down the aisle towards me, and how happy I will be in that moment." He whispered.

I leaned in and kissed him deeply.

"So….you like it?" he chuckled after we tore our lips away from each other.

"I love it."

"Good." He smiled.

"Now…let _me_ show _you_ something." I grinned, before taking his hand and leading him up the stairs to our bedroom.


	23. Chapter 23, Closure

_Hello to all my readers. Sorry this update has taken a while, RL has been busy this month, so far we have had two birthdays (one was mine!) plus an anniversary. These celebrations have kept me from my computer quite a lot. Thanks to all those who have taken the time to read, review and add my story to their updates or fave story list since I last updated. I love seeing that people are reading and enjoying my little twilight day dream._

_This Chapter is what I always envisaged to be the second last of this story, so one more chapter to go....maybe an epilogue if people express an interest in one, otherwise I will leave that to your imaginations._

_Stephenie Meyer owns twilight and all that jazz._

* * *

**Chapter 23**

**Closure  
**

**BPOV**

Time passes quickly when you're a vampire.

Days seemed to blend into one another now there was no need for sleep or all the countless other human traits and behaviors I chose to leave behind me by joining Edward and his family.

Life had settled into a familiar, comfortable, and gloriously happy pattern; perhaps that aided in the illusion of time moving quickly- or maybe that was just how it felt once you were immortal.

Either way, the months were passing rapidly, the only major indicators being the changing seasons outside and the holidays and events that together marked the passing of another year.

I was finding my adjustment to vampire life relatively easy overall. My thirst was thankfully taming and I could now go more than a day at a time without hunting. I was getting better at taking down my prey too, thanks to Edward's ongoing instruction, and now I barely spilled a single drop of blood on my clothes, which Alice was pleased with; I had ruined _many_ designer outfits while honing my hunting skills.

The fire in my throat was dulling with each passing day, as I adjusted to my new diet. I still felt the familiar burn that was a side effect of abstaining from human blood, but it had reduced considerably and was no longer anything more than a slight irritation.

One I was willing to endure forever rather than giving in to my bloodlust.

My eyes had slowly changed over the past couple of months to a deep gold, rather than the red of my earlier newborn days and so I was able to stop wearing those irritating contact lenses and enjoy the full benefit of sight my vampire eyes offered me.

To some extent, I was still learning how to control my ability to manipulate and control people, but I rarely slipped up; not without meaning too anyway. I was known to sometimes have a bit of fun at Emmett's expense- he was just too much fun to mess with. Thankfully he had a good sense of humor and took all my practical jokes in the spirit in which they were intended, as a bit of fun to help fill the hours of the day.

Edward and I……we were in the best place we had ever been, it was like living in a state of absolute bliss, our own little piece of heaven. Our days were spent going about the business of living much the same as any other couple, but our nights….they were like nothing either of us had ever experienced together.

The darkness had never been so welcomed in our relationship, because it was in those special intimate hours between dusk and dawn that Edward and I enjoyed our privacy, no longer encumbered by my need to sleep, the fragility of my human body or fear of the possible dangers that might lurk in the shadows, waiting to tear us apart.

They were treasured times.

There was only one thing that marred my enjoyment of my new life…… my old memories.

Carlisle marveled at how well I recalled the years I had spent human with such clarity and depth.

Alice was envious that I had such a store of memories to even look back on ruing her amnesia like inability to recollect a single human memory of her life before becoming a vampire.

I however had a different opinion.

While I had been ecstatic to learn that my human memories were intact initially, I was finding it increasingly difficult with how they popped up in my mind, unbidden, and with how they left me feeling as a result. Only one other member of my family knew how I was feeling, and that was Jasper. Over the past few months he had watched me with a worried expression as time after time as waves of emotion rolled over me unbeknownst to the rest of my family. He sent counteracting emotions in my direction each time he witnessed a new 'episode', but none so much as made a small indent in the way in which I felt when those brief moments and memories took me.

It wasn't even really the memories, but the sense of guilt that accompanied them. If I could shed the guilt I felt, I was sure I could once again enjoy looking back on the human years of my life.

It was during the months since my change and since Alice had returned my old wedding band to me, that I first found myself thinking of Jake. To begin with it was just a flash of memory here and there, nothing that caused any distress, but these memories had increased in frequency and a creeping feeling of shame and guilt began to envelop me a little more each time I was sent on a flashback of the past.

While I didn't regret my decision to leave my marriage and find Edward or to become a vampire- not for a second- I realized that I felt incredibly guilty that Jake now must think me dead.

Alice's cover story over my disappearance while brilliant, led everyone to believe that I had been murdered.

Jake was a smart enough guy, but I couldn't help but worry that he may not know that I had found the Cullen's, that I had found Edward again, and that I was happy.

I was tormented by the thought that he would buy the lie rather than seeing the truth behind my disappearance.

At first I had tried to merely shake off the guilt and chastise myself for feeling so melodramatic over a few old memories and the thoughts they roused. I resolved to forget the past and enjoy the future.

But no matter how hard I tried to bury all thoughts of Jacob Black and my once human existence, the memories would not relent.

Each celebration, each holiday marked on the calendar, would bring forth a new bout of guilt, and spark a new round of memories.

My birthday was one such example of these times.

We had celebrated my old birthday quietly in September, thankfully I had managed to convince Alice a party was not necessary, but much to my chagrin Edward insisted on giving me a gift- even though I had expressly told everyone not too.

Somehow he had found another weakness with my talent and seemed able to completely ignore my demands.

As much as being lavished with gifts had irked me previously, I was like an Alice impersonator when he had led me to the garage to unwrap my gift; I literally had jumped around in excitement when I saw the large red ribbon that sat on the hood of my new car.

It was every vampire's wet dream as far as cars went.

A white Bugatti Veyron sat beside Edward's Vanquish. My eyes had almost bugged out of my head at the sight of it. This was a car that had the title of the fastest car ever made, it's sleek lines were a thing of beauty, the way it sat low down to hug the road, it was pure sex on wheels. It could reach speeds in excess of 250 miles per hour. It was such a departure from my old, slow red truck. As I ran my hand over the carbon fiber body of my new car, I couldn't suppress my smile on my face or the thought that suddenly popped into my head.

_Jake would have a fit if he saw this car!_

I remembered with a smile how much he loved all things mechanical.

And there he was, like a ghost haunting me.

I felt my excitement ebb away and watched as my family puzzled over the sudden change in my mood. My newborn status still gave me a tangible excuse for such a quick about turn in emotions, so thankfully most of the family assumed it was nothing more than a newborn moment I was experiencing, although it didn't look like Jasper bought that excuse for a second. He eyed me curiously from the back of the garage but remained silent.

Thanksgiving came and went another event on the vampire calendar. Gone were the piled high cooked feasts of my human years, but the sentiment of giving thanks was still observed. I was reminded of Jake once more as we sat around the empty dining room table, thinking about the way he used to scarf down enough turkey for two men and follow it up with large helpings of dessert. I wondered if he was enjoying this Thanksgiving.

There he was again, in my thoughts.

This was becoming a familiar pattern.

Little things kept reminding me of my old life. Not in a painful way, but the constant memories kept dragging up a feeling of disquiet in me.

I felt like I had not completely closed the book on that part of my life; that my mind and emotions were dragging these visions and feelings to the surface to demand that I deal with them.

I once again ignored my subconscious' attempt at goading me into action.

Christmas saw another wave of gift giving, piles of wrapping paper and tens of thousands of dollars worth of gifts later and the day was done. It also bought with it another flourish of memories, of hanging decorations on a small tree in a little cabin in La Push, Jake's and my first Christmas as a married couple.

Guilt at the thought of Jake celebrating the holiday alone had enveloped me for several days. I knew he had the pack and Billy, but I couldn't stop the nagging feeling that Jake was grieving and in pain because of me.

Once again my family was left wondering about my dip into a dark depression of sorts.

New Year was next, and Edward and I had chosen to ring in the New Year together sitting out in the backyard in lawn chairs holding hands and watching the distant fireworks displays lighting up the night sky with their explosions of color.

The flashing multitude of burning colors reminded me of flowers blooming and then withering, which in turn made me think of wildflowers, which of course landed me back at square one….thinking about Jake.

I vowed there and then under the moonlit sky, as rainbows of color burst forth and then extinguished from sight, and as the clock ticked over to begin a new year, that I would find a way to make things right, that I would find a way to ease my guilt by letting Jake know that I was alive, that I would not let this guilt eat away at me.

I knew now for the first time how Edward must have felt harboring all those feelings about us and the decisions he had made, it was like a disease slowly consuming me, like a rapidly spreading cancer that needed to be treated, left ignored it would surely claim me.

I had to stop the guilt.

What a hypocrite I would be to carry such a feeling around with me forever when I had chastised Edward for doing the same thing in the past.

The only way to do that though involved contacting Jacob somehow, that was fraught with its own problems, and there was one other major obstacle apart from broken treaties and vampire/wolf animosity.

I had to convince Edward it was a good idea…..

ooOoo

January passed in a flurry of wedding activity as Alice started to countdown to the big day. Edward and I would be married in a little under six months time, which to Alice signaled a desperate need to up the pace at which we had been working.

I was still for the most part housebound thanks to my newborn status though I couldn't complain about my limited contact with the outside world or with my confinement. The baby steps I was taking were necessary- just frustrating. The down side was that it made me a captive audience for all the 'plans' Alice had hatched in her wedding obsessed vampire mind.

I grew more restless with each day.

Alice said nothing about my increased irritation with her incessant wedding planning.

Edward said nothing when my distant mood descended on me from time to time, although I saw the worried look in his eyes.

Esme just hugged me every time she walked past me; sadly her hugs did little to comfort me.

Carlisle mused over my withdrawal from the family, rubbing his chin often as he tried to gaze at me surreptitiously from across the room.

Jasper increased his dosage of happy, feel-good invisible antidepressants.

Emmett tried to crack jokes to make me laugh.

Rose just told me to snap the hell out of whatever I was being a drama queen about….Some things at least never changed.

I could see the deepening concern that my family all felt and I wanted to tell them what was troubling me but I simply didn't know how to discuss the subject of Jake with Edward.

The calendar turned over to February almost too quickly to be believed, even by my new standards.

Once again my pint sized sister's wedding fever increased and a resurgence of drill Sergeant Alice barking out demands and orders in my direction. I suspected her increased aggressiveness was an attempt to wake me from my melancholy.

Each new morning bought with it a new day full of me playing 'Mannequin Bella', as I stood for hours on end while Alice measured, pinned and adjusted my almost completed wedding gown. This time seemed to coincide with a fresh assault on my mind, as memories of my previous wedding danced behind my eyelids. The memories were made worse today, with the knowledge that it was the anniversary of Charlie's death once more; only this time, for the first time since my Father's death I would not be accompanying Jake on the traditional visit to Charlie's grave.

I felt my guilt double, weighing me down a little more, making it a little harder to enjoy the otherwise most joyous time of my life.

_Stupid head! _I berated myself and my stubborn brain, for about the millionth time.

"Hold still Bella" Alice hissed, snapping me out of my thoughts and back to the present. "I swear you are the most fidgety vampire I have ever come across. If this hem is wonky because of your inability to stay still…don't blame me." She screeched, clearly irritated.

"Sorry." I muttered, trying to focus my attention and still my body once more focusing my attention back to the present.

"Sorry I snapped at you." Alice apologized back, with a mumble, "I know you have a lot on your mind."

I considered asking just how much she knew about what was on my mind, but decided Alice would have her say when she was ready….she always did, whether you wanted to hear it or not.

"The dress looks gorgeous Alice." I smiled down genuinely at her, as she stuck pin after pin into the rich fabric that swished delicately against my body.

Another mood swing over for the moment, I enjoyed the mental respite and focused on looking over the gorgeous gown that I was swathed in.

The soft floor length dress was an off white, ivory colored, a fitted strapless bodice, laced tight around my chest defining my chest and curvaceous vampire waist. I was thankful I didn't need to breathe anymore though; it was pulled so tight around my middle that it would have been impossibility. A heart shaped neckline sat atop the tight corset style, upper half of the gown, and the length of the bust line was hand stitched with delicate gold swirling patterns from front to back, a cascade of leaves and flowers wrapping around my waist and ribs. The skirt of the gown was billowing, a soft rouching effect beginning at the sides of my hips before drawing back to a peak at the small of my back; then falling into a delicate train behind me.

Staring in the mirror at my reflection I felt like a brunette version of Cinderella--- only my prince charming and I would endure beyond the clock strike of midnight.

"It is beautiful isn't it?" Alice stepped back to admire the gown she had designed and hand made with love and care, fabric and thread……hours and hours of cussing like a sailor.

"Yes. I'm very lucky to have such a talented sister who moonlights as a fashion designer."

"Flattery my dear…" She shot a glance at me, before breaking into a chuckle. "Will get you everywhere."

Pulling gently on the gown and sizing up the straightness of the now tacked up hem, she nodded seeming pleased with her efforts."Ok, you can take it off now."

"Finally..." I muttered, earning me a look of death from Alice. "Sorry but you know I never have liked this sort of thing…hours and hours of playing dress up." I grimaced. "My name is Bella, not Barbie."

"You'll thank me when your dress is perfect." Alice smiled smugly.

"Yes, I will." I admitted." In the meantime though, I will whine, bitch and moan."

Alice chuckled, "Of course you will, like you said…you're Bella. Here let me help you out of that." She spun me around and began unlacing the long ribbon from the back of my dress, my chest expanded immediately, thankful for the release and extra breathing room.

"I just have to dash downstairs for a moment and make a call" Alice chimed, "You change and I'll be back."

"Ok" I grumbled as I began struggling to get the dress over my head single handedly.

I swiftly undressed and redressed, Alice returned quickly as promised and placed my wedding gown back into her closet for safe keeping and away from Edward's prying eyes.

"What's next?" I asked, knowing full well that there were more wedding arrangements to be made before the day was finished and before Alice was even remotely satisfied with the headway we were making

"I did have a long list of things to plough through today" Alice admitted, "but I think there is something more urgent you need to take care of, something you've been putting off for far too long already."

Jasper drifted into the room and walked to my side, placing his hand gently on my shoulder, loosing some calming emotions on me once more as he spoke, his voice soft and kind. "Alice is right Bella. I have watched you for the past few months and felt the intense feelings of guilt that you carry with you. You need to free yourself of that pain; it is beginning to affect you more and more each day. It is painful to watch you going through such a thing alone and so unnecessarily. We are all here for you."

Alice walked to my other side, her hand now resting on my unoccupied shoulder, her face also full of concern. "I've seen what you've been putting yourself through too Bella. I know how you are feeling. I know what day today is. You need to stop putting off what you know you need to do, because you are worried about how Edward will react to your decision. You need to find some sense of closure."

"But Alice, what if he misunderstands the way I am feeling? I don't want to cause even a second of doubt in his mind. I can't stand the thought of him thinking I regret any part of choosing him above all else." It was the main reason I had avoided the subject so far, I didn't want Edward to think I was in any way conflicted in my feelings about him or about my decision to join his family.

Alice gave me a stern look "Give Edward some credit Bella, just explain to him what is going through that mind of yours and I think you'll be surprised with his reaction." She finished with a smile.

"I'll talk to him when he gets home." I promised.

"Good, because that will be in about ten minutes." Alice stated. "I called him just now and told him he needed to come home."

"Alice! There was no need to do that." I protested, a little miffed at her interference and more than a little nervous with the conversation I was going to have in a few minutes with Edward. I had been putting off broaching the subject, I knew that. Alice had just given me a great big shove that was what really was annoying me. She knew what I needed to do better than I did.

"You know if you waited until you were ready to talk to Edward about it, we'd be welcoming in the next century Bella, so just suck it up and deal with it."

"Fine." I pouted a little before leaving Jasper and Alice upstairs in their room and making my way downstairs to wait for Edward to arrive home.

**EPOV**

When Alice called and asked me to come home I felt my heart almost jump into my throat, it was a natural reaction of mine to jump straight to all things negative. "Is Bella ok?" had been my first response.

"Of course she is Edward" Alice said quickly, "She just needs to talk to you about something."

"Then why are you calling Alice? Why isn't Bella the one on the phone?" I asked somewhat skeptical.

"Because you two suck at communicating Edward….verbal communication anyway." I almost head her grimace over the phone as she insinuated that our physical communication was a completely different story.

She was right about our physicality, it was mind blowing and left nothing unsaid. We were a little challenged with our verbal communication, it was true, but both Bella and I had been working on that aspect of our relationship too. I did know that there was something troubling Bella that she kept from me, I had seen it in her expressions and in her demeanor over the past few months but I figured she would share what that was with me when she was ready.

"So nothing bad…but urgent enough for me to rush home still?" I asked, pinching the bridge of my nose with my fingers.

Why was it that conversations with Alice always had to be so damn cryptic?

"Yep" Alice replied. "See you in a few minutes." Before she hung up the phone, effectively leaving me to talk to myself. _See you soon, you annoying spiky haired, infuriating little vampire. _I mumbled to myself as I sped towards home, wondering what was awaiting me and none the wiser thanks to Alice.

When I walked inside I first noticed Bella, pacing the floor, her gaze cast down at the floor toward her feet as she mumbled continuously while walking back and forth across the living room. Her face was pinched, as thoughts her thoughts were causing a physical pain.

She was so engrossed in her mental torment that she didn't even seem to notice me enter the room or when I came to stand in front of her.

"A penny for your thoughts" I whispered as I wrapped my arms around Bella's waist and kissed her softly on the neck. I hoped that my touch would help diffuse some of the tense emotions that were playing across her face; our physical contact always seemed to help _distract_ Bella that way.

She jumped at my voice and my touch. "Shit Edward! I didn't notice you come in." she spluttered.

I couldn't help but chuckle a little at her surprised reaction. "I noticed love; you seemed very _preoccupied _just now....anything you want to talk about?"

She pulled away from my embrace and I watched as the trademark v of worry, lined the gap between Bella's eyebrows. Whatever was troubling her it was something serious, I knew that much from that expression.

"Bella…what's wrong?" I grasped her hips in each hand and gave her a small shake to get her to look at me, to talk to me.

She still did not respond, she just continued to frown and adding biting her lip to her to her worried stance.

"Bella?" I insisted.

"Sorry" she sighed before wrapping her arms around my shoulders and pulling me into a quick kiss. It did nothing to calm my nervous feeling.

"What's wrong love?" I asked again, feeling increasingly worried with her behavior.

"Alice shouldn't have called you and worried you" she muttered sounding slightly annoyed with Alice's interference. I was accustomed to it after so many years living under the same roof as the master manipulator with the spiky black hair.

"Alice isn't the one worrying me Bella...Something important is on your mind. Please tell me what you're thinking."

_Damn that was my most hated request, asking Bella what she was thinking when I could easily look into her mind now and see for myself. I had promised her privacy though and she would have it, no matter how much it drove me insane. _

"I don't know how to explain…. without worrying you…or upsetting you…" she trailed off as her thoughts consumed her once more.

"Please tell me Bella…" I pleaded with her "I won't be upset. Promise." I implored, willing her to keep talking.

"Ok...but can you please not say anything until I'm through explaining what I am thinking?" she asked, seeming concerned with how I was going to react to her voicing her thoughts.

I nodded my head, to show that I was going to remain silent, my mind however began racing with all manner of reasons that would explain away Bella's nerves and reluctance to tell me what she was thinking.

"Well…" she wrung her hands together. "A while ago Alice gave me back my old wedding ring and…well it got me thinking about Jake." Bella looked up nervously to gauge my emotions, staring intently into my eyes, I was confident the only emotion she would see there was concern and love for her.

Satisfied with whatever she saw or maybe the things she didn't see, she pressed on. "I keep thinking about him and imagining that he must be in pain-thinking that I am missing, probably dead."

Once again she looked up into my eyes. "Edward I want to let Jake know that I'm ok, that I found you…that I'm happy." She closed her eyes as she finished speaking, as if to shut me out, or maybe it was to await my response, which she no doubt thought was going to be negative.

"Ok." I said softly.

"What?" she blurted out, her eyes flying open, her expression full of shock thanks to my speedy acquiescence.

"Ok." I repeated myself, a small smile now on my lips. "You heard me right the first time Bella…I agreed. Of course there are conditions…" I began, before I was cut off by Bella kissing me.

"Thank you Edward, for not being upset with me." She whispered against my lips. "I was worried you would take everything I was thinking and feeling the wrong way." She admitted sheepishly as she looked up at me.

"Bella, I'm not jealous of Jacob Black or questioning your devotion to me. I am quite confident in our love." I said simply. It was the truth; I had never felt surer of our relationship.

Softening my voice, I added. "I can also imagine the pain that Jacob must be feeling at the moment, not knowing where you are, wondering what has happened to you. It is how I spent the five years that we were apart. It is a torture I would not wish upon even my worst enemy…not even a wolf."

Tipping her chin upward so that she was looking in my eyes, I added. "I can also see that this is important to you. That makes it important to me."

"Thank you Edward." She whispered dropping her gaze a little. "For being so understanding, I'm sorry I doubted for a second that you would be."

"I will always support you Bella." I whispered back, planting a kiss on her forehead. "I'm glad you have finally told me what has been worrying you, it's been driving me crazy not knowing. So, you want to tell Jacob you are alive, that's not half as bad as the things I had been dreaming up in my over active imagination."

"So we're really going to do this? Bella asked her eyes now bright with excitement.

"Yes Bella, today if you like."

"So what are these conditions then?" Bella asked curiously, I could see her mind ticking over considering how to go about contacting the wolf that meant so much to her.

"Well….I'd rather you not confront Jacob face to face Bella, I know he was your best friend amongst other things, but now he is also your enemy…you're a vampire, he's a wolf." I saw the wounded look on her face and wrapped her in my arms. "Sorry love, that could have been put a little more gently, but it would be _safer_ if you got a message to him some other way. I don't want you to put yourself in any more danger than is necessary."

"I had a thought about that." She said quietly. "Since Alice told me she had called you, I have kind of come up with something I would like to do….if you agree that is." She added quickly.

I stroked her cheek. "So tell me more about this plan of yours."

I listened intently as Bella detailed the way in which she wanted to close this important and final chapter of her human life.

* * *

**Not sure how you all feel about this piece of my story, but I felt it was just so Bella-esque and I think that it is something that she would grapple with once changed.**

**Last Chapter coming up...aptly named 'The Final Chapter'**

**Leave me some love if you liked this chapter.**

**Dee**

**Oh and if you don't know the sexiness that is a Bugatti Veyron, I am adding a link of a picture to one. As soon as I work out how to hyperlink on here,lol.  
**


	24. Chapter 24, The Final Chapter

_Hi guys,_

_First of all, sorry that this has taken what feels like forever to update. I have had many issues with my fanfic account over the past couple of weeks and it gave me the shits to the point that gave up trying to upload this chapter for a while before I cracked it and threw my laptop at a wall in frustration._

_This is how I always saw my story ending. This chapter has been outlined since the very start._

_ I am somewhat sad to finish :o(  
_

_Epilogue to follow (so long as I can log in to my account in a couple of days time)._

**Let me take a moment now to thank everyone who has read and reviewed this story. MWAH!!!! to all of you. I have been grateful to have you read and enjoy my story and my heart does little flip flops every time I see someone has added my story to their fave list.**

* * *

**The Final Chapter**

**BPOV**

"Are you sure you don't want the rest of the family to come with us?" I growled internally, this was the third time Edward has asked the same question in the space of five minutes.

"Yes I'm sure." I answered, not bothering to lift my view from the page on which I was busily writing down draft after difficult draft of a note to leave Jake, explaining everything I wanted to tell him. It was so frustrating trying to put into words what I wanted to say to my friend. Large black lines crossed out every single message I had created so far, they were either too personal or too sterile for what I wanted to say.

"If Emmett and Jasper came with us…" Edward continued until I cut him off with my snappy response, my eyes never leaving the page in front of me.

"I don't think an entire coven of vampires would go unnoticed where we are headed Edward, do you? And I really don't want to put any other members of my family in any sort of danger unnecessarily"

"So you finally admit that this could be dangerous then?" Edward quickly picked up on my little slip of using of the words _danger _and _trouble _despite my insistence that everything would be 'ok'.

"I honestly think I will be perfectly safe Edward." I sighed, knowing the direction this discussion was heading...again.

"Please Edward can we just do this my way?" I implored.

This cycle of 'negotiating' had been continuing for the past hour and a half and it was beginning to wear on my nerves and patience. I wanted nothing more than to be on our way, not sitting around hashing out details, strategies and alternative plans. Edward on the other hand seemed content to discuss every sticking point to the enth degree.

"Ok. Yes" he sighed, sounding a little defeated. "I'll go and speak with Carlisle about borrowing his Mercedes while you finish off in here and I'll meet you in the garage when you're ready." He kissed my temple softly before leaving our bedroom in search of Carlisle.

I returned my attention to the notebook in front of me, nibbling gently on the end of the pen that I had been holding for the past hour, praying for inspiration, growing increasingly frustrated as I waited for the perfect words to spring forth from my mind to be transcribed by its inky nib.

Alice entered the room as I scratched a line through another worthless passage, groaning out loud before tearing the sheet of useless scribble from the notepad, scrunching it into a small ball and fiercely throwing it towards the wastepaper basket, and the growing pile of discarded notes it contained. It missed its target and bounced across the floor like it was mocking me.

"You're over thinking it Bella" she said softly as she sat down beside me on the bed edge.

"Can you help me Alice? You always seem to know the right thing to do and say."

"Keep it simple." She chimed, reminding me of Charlie- those three words had been his life motto. "Just write down what you want for Jake in the future, don't get bogged down in the past or in apologies."

"Thanks Alice." I rested my head on her tiny little shoulder and closed my eyes considering what I should include in my simplified message.

"They're perfect." Alice murmured, as she had some sort of vision of the words I had just mentally decided to use. Rising from her seat she gave my hand a quick squeeze "See you when you get back." she smiled before gliding from the room.

Quickly I wrote out the arrangement of letters that would form the words that summarized my feelings to Jake- about him, and about our friendship.

Re-reading the sparse words, I still couldn't help but feel like they lacked the depth I would have liked- this was afterall my parting words to my best friend- but I resigned myself to the fact that I would never be completely happy with anything I wrote, because I didn't think any words would ever be adequate when it came to Jake and the bond we shared.

Tearing my message from the small notebook on which it was written I wasted no more time in retrieving my old wedding ring from my dresser drawer and then dashing down the stairs to join Edward, depositing the ring and note in my pocket as I went.

Slowing to a stop as I reached the doorway to the garage, I looked over to where he was waiting for me beside the shiny black Mercedes.

Edward was nervously tapping the concrete floor with his left foot, head down, muttering so low that I couldn't discern his whispered words, but I could see his lips moving rapidly, and the tense frown he was sporting gave away his hushed dialogue.

He was worried- about the plan.

He was worried about me; and

He was worried about how this was all going to play out.

I sighed at the sight of my concerned lover- knowing how hard all this really was on him. I knew that behind his reluctant compliance to this plan of mine, was a serious case of nerves.

Catching sight of me for the first time since I entered the garage, his lips stilled and a forced smile spread over his face, but it was too late, I'd seen the tightness in his jaw, the fear in his eyes. I knew him better than to fall for this mask of calm he was trying to put off.

Edward was nothing short of terrified that something was going to go wrong.

"Are you sure about this?" Edward asked anxiously crossing the room to stand directly in front of me, his face awash with concern.

"Yes." I nodded. "_Nothing_ is going to happen, Edward." I said for the umpteenth time, hoping to finally convince him that I would be perfectly safe.

"You can't know that for certain Bella." He pinched the bridge of his nose with his fingers and was seemingly unaware that he had even completed the action until I pulled his hand away from his face, holding it in mine.

"I know _them._" I said gently, rubbing soothing circles on the top of his hand with my fingertips and reaching up on my toes to kiss the crease of worry from his brow. "Edward they were my family for the past five years, they would never hurt me."

The way Edward's golden eyes darkened infinitesimally each time I tried to tell him that everything was going to '_be fine_, spoke volumes about the grave doubts he still withheld from me. I knew with that look that Edward did not particularly agree that my family bond with the wolf pack-the same relationship that had protected me when I was human, would extend to my new vampire life- he felt my change may have erased all affections for me that they once held.

I refused to believe that that was even a possibility. I was one hundred percent confident that _if_ I ran into any of the pack, they would be able to maintain control around me and be able to resist the natural instinct to hurt me because of our friendship. Even though I was now one of the creatures that necessitated the Protectors very existence, I was sure that no harm would befall me- the rest of my vampire family however shared no such bond with the Quileute- their relationship hinged on a long ago forged treaty that now lay in tatters because of my change. This was why I had earlier vehemently resisted Edward's suggestion to have the rest of the family accompany us.

"Edward, are you going to be ok with this? With sticking to the plan? It's kind of important that we're on the same page before we set off. You need to trust me." I implored, staring deeply into his eyes.

"I do trust you…it's _them_ I don't necessarily trust." He glowered.

"Well I trust _them_ with my life Edward." I snapped a little, not caring much for the tone or words he used when describing my friends.

"That's what worries me Bella." He whispered. "You have always been too trusting for your own good."

Wrapping my arms around his waist, I stared up into his fear filled eyes. "That trusting side of me, is what led me to you Edward... don't forget that." I reminded him.

He smiled and so did I, we both knew, that without my mule like stubbornness and my completely trusting nature that our love would never have stood a chance; I had placed my life and my heart in Edward's hands and entrusted him with them from the moment we had met.

"And look how _that_ almost ended on several occasions." He grimaced while recalling all the near misses that I had escaped over the course of our troubled relationship.

"True, but I was always _almost _getting killed long before I met you." I chuckled hoping to lighten the somber mood.

"You are way too casual when you talk about all this…you know that right?" he muttered into the top of my head.

"Some things never change." I shrugged.

"No they don't" I felt him shake his head in disbelief at me and my flippant attitude, but when I looked up from my spot where I was nestled against his chest, his lips were curled up at the corners, giving away just a hint of a smile.

"I know you're scared Edward, and that you're worried about me, but it's going to be ok. I can feel it." I cupped his face in my hands.

He sighed deeply "Bella, Alice is the psychic in the family and even she can't tell us that everything is going to be ok, how can you claim to?"

"Because Edward" I smiled, "You forget…I have my own super powers, if anyone gives me any trouble I can just brainwash them into submission. Don't make me start with you…" I warned playfully.

_Well mostly playfully. _

"I just can't stand even the thought of you being in danger, not even for a split second. Imagining what _could _go wrong today…" he trailed off as I put my finger to his lips to still them. Gently he kissed my finger before speaking against it. "I can't ever lose you. Not ever again." He dipped his head down and leant his forehead against mine, his breath caressing my face as he spoke. "I can't help but worry. You are my everything."

"And you are mine." I kissed his closed eyelids. "You won't lose me Edward, not today… not ever."

He grumbled into the top of my head, and I knew I had the argument in the bag finally.

"Are you ready to go?" he asked softly.

"Yes" I nodded into his chest "And Edward. . .I'm really glad you're begin so great about all this. It means a lot to me, to have you here with me."

"I know." He bent down and placed a soft kiss on my lips. "Come on. Let's go, before I change my mind about all of this."

Despite his casual sounding voice I knew he wasn't joking. I was almost waiting for him to suggest that I make a phone call or post Jake a letter instead.

Quickly I slid into my seat, eager to be on our way before Edward did renege on our agreement or try to revise our agreed upon terms and conditions-well his demands really- there were only a few and they did make a lot of sense, which was why I had agreed to them.

Firstly, he had insisted on coming with me- no if's or buts' or maybe's.

Secondly, Alice would update and warn us of the possible outcomes her visions foretold, as they swirled, changed or disappeared; and

Thirdly, Edward would use his gift to keep tabs on the thoughts of anyone who entered the vicinity of the cemetery, including mine.

Taking a deep breath, before turning the key in the ignition, Edward reversed the car out of the garage. The car sped down the road, trees, blurring as we raced toward our destination- the small town of Forks.

*

*

*

*

Holding the wedding ring gently in my palm, I looked at the intricate flower carving that encircled it and the array of microscopic scratches that crisscrossed the design; I could them see so clearly now with my improved eyesight.

This simple little piece of weathered gold, silently told the story of the days that it had adorned my finger; it was a symbol of the years that I had been married to my best friend. It held such a wealth of memories- some good, and some still painful to remember. I pushed down the less pleasant memories and focused on the positive ones.

I thought about Jake's smile, so bright- like the sun, and all the wonderful times that we shared together -flashes of color invading my mind as I recalled long walks on the beach, hand in hand, laughing and smiling. Snuggling up to my own personal space heater in winter, when Jake would put an arm around my shoulder and kept me warm with just his embrace. Jake, Billy and Charlie heading off like three excited little boys on a fishing expedition; rods at the ready- and then them returning with stories about the big one that got away.

Most of all, I just remembered my friend and the bond between us that I treasured so dearly. I thought of the gratitude and love I still felt for him; for the way he had kept me alive and given me a reason to live when I had needed it most.

The next thing I knew Edward was gently squeezing my free hand, rousing me from my reflections. "We're almost there Bella" he murmured.

"Already?" I asked a little shocked.

"You've been lost in your thoughts for several hours now." He smiled, "It looked like you were enjoying whatever you were thinking about."

"I was." I smiled back at him, "But you should have given me a nudge Edward, I didn't realize I was so out of it."

He touched the corner of my mouth with his fingertips. "It was so beautiful watching you smiling like that. I couldn't bring myself to interrupt you."

"It was nice- being able to think about my family and friends without feeling sad or guilty." I explained what I had been lost in thought about for the majority of our journey. "I think this trip is already helping me deal with all the feelings I've been holding onto."

"I'm glad." He smiled.

"Me too." I answered softly, before casting my eyes toward the landscape outside my window.

I tried to commit everything to memory that my eyes absorbed as it raced by; knowing full well that this would be my last journey back to Forks.

The trees that lined the road had been transformed from the familiar dense lush green of foliage and pine needles, the branches that still held leaves were weighed down with snowflakes, while the grey trunks and bare branches of deciduous trees were ghostly looking sentinels standing strikingly amongst the crisp snow that covered every exposed horizontal surface in sight.

I became so caught up in taking in every slightly different passing scene, that I completely lost all track of time again until Edward reached into the glove box in front of me, pulled out a familiar looking wig and sunglasses, dropping them in my lap, where I grimaced at them.

"Urgh! I hate these things." I held up the blonde wig up like it was some sort of diseased vermin.

With a look, of what I imagine resembled utter disdain I pulled the wig on over my hair, smoothing it over with my hands before donning the dark sunglasses. It was a crude disguise of sorts- one that I had worn on numerous trips out in public since my change. It was an annoying yet necessary step to stop anyone from recognizing me; the last thing I needed was people reporting sightings of me (or someone who looked a lot like me), when I was meant to be missing, presumed dead.

It was even more important for this outing that I remain incognito; I didn't want any of the local residents of Forks identifying me as Bella Black, well known ex resident.

"I prefer you as a brunette." Edward chuckled beside me, earning him a sucker punch to the arm.

"Shut up Edward." I pouted playfully, while tucking the loose strands of wig hair behind my ears and checking my 'look' over in the rear vision mirror.

_No one would recognize me, of that I was sure. I looked like a Paris Hilton wannabe with my fake blonde hair and oversized celebrity like sunglasses_.

Mostly satisfied with my now altered appearance, I returned my gaze to the passing scenery, my foot tapping rapidly on the floor, my knee jiggling as we drew closer to town, my nerves making themselves apparent.

Edward reached over and stilled my bouncing leg. "Deep breaths Bella" he said soothingly, while rubbing my thigh. "Try to relax."

"Mmmhmm" was all I could manage in response, but my leg remained stationary under Edward's calming touch.

The car slowed as we entered the more populated outskirts of town. Familiarity washing over me as we passed the landmarks and buildings that held such special memories of the place I had once called home.

The Chamber of Commerce building and Callum County Sherriff's Office, Newton's Outfitter's store where I had worked part time until I graduated school; memories of my human life bombarded my mind, Edward's touch the only thing keeping me from being completely lost to my thoughts.

A few people moved about outside, dressed in large bulky jackets and boots, beanies and scarves, wool covering every square inch of skin except for their eyes and nose.

As I watched the people of Forks going about their day to day lives, I found myself wondering whose faces lay beneath the layers of cloth that hid them from my view. I tried in vain to identify if they were people I knew, people who I could no longer interact with; friends I had given up when I had chosen to become a vampire. Looking over at Edward I smiled, knowing that he was worth the trade off. I squeezed his hand, he squeezed mine back reassuringly.

We turned off Forks Avenue onto Calawah Way Road making our way along it, until we reached Forks Cemetery, where Edward pulled over, leaving the engine idling.

A thin coating of powdery snow coated the ground here too; the tops of the row upon row of headstones were peppered with fresh looking snowflakes.

Cracking the car door open I immediately felt the icy temperature assault my skin. I wasn't cold thanks to my recent vampire status, but I could still feel the sensation of the cool weather, the light caress of the chilled wind on my equally cold skin.

"I'll only be parked a little way up the road." Edward said, drawing my attention back inside the car. "I can stay or come with you. . .if you want." He offered, and I knew that he was struggling with the idea of leaving me here exposed and unprotected now that we had come to this point of the plan.

"It'll be ok Edward." I leant over and kissed him softly on the lips. "I'll come find you when I'm done."

Turning once more to climb out of the car, I felt Edward grab my arm to stop me. "I'll be waiting for you Bella." He said softly.

"See you soon." I replied, before scrambling from the car before he tried to stop me again.

Making a sweep of the grounds to check for any other visitors I noticed that the cemetery was deserted; which was perfect.

I made my way quickly to Charlie's plot, deciding I should probably not linger any longer than necessary.

Afterall, there was no need to tempt fate.

Dusting off the sprinkling of snow that sat atop Charlie's headstone, I reached into my jeans pocket and carefully pulled out my old wedding band, kissing it to my lips before curling the small piece of paper that held my message to Jake inside the band, resting them both on top of the stone surface.

I thought over the few brief words on the note I was leaving behind hoping that it at least hinted at the deep emotion I wanted to express to Jake.

_Wherever I go, know that I will take your memory with me and bask in its warmth. _

_You were, are and always will be my very best friend._

_Smile. Love. Live. Laugh. _

Saying a silent prayer, I crossed my fingers hoping that Jake would still visit my Dad's grave today on the anniversary of his passing, so that he would find the ring and note before anyone else did, and before any more snow might fall and cover them.

My mission complete, I decided to take a moment to say one final farewell to my Father.

"Bye Dad" I said softly, crouching down to trace his name, where it was etched in stone one last time. "I love you and I promise to remember you every single day of forever." I whispered, before standing to leave.

I swept my eyes across the Forks landscape, taking in for the last time the sights, sounds and smells of my old home; the place I could never return to.

The place that had bought me closer to my Father, before he had been stolen from me…

The place that had I had learned all the important lessons in life about love and loss…

The place that gave me my best friend Jacob; and

The place that had given me Edward.

Striding toward the street ready to leave, I noticed the sound of a car approaching.

Panicking a little, at the thought of being seen, I quickly took cover in a nearby copse of trees and stood frozen behind a large tree trunk, hidden from view.

Once I was crouched safely from human eyes, I listened intently to the approaching car.

I realized then, that I knew the hum of that engine, like it was an old favorite tune.

It was Jake's car.

My breathing quickened in both fear and excitement- I was going to see my best friend again.

The red Volkswagen Rabbit slowed and then pulled to a stop, I watched with a smile as Jake climb from his beloved car, unfolding his large frame from the confines of the driver's seat. It was almost comical to watch him unfurling his burly frame from such a tiny space, he was like a contortionist escaping a suitcase, the careful way he extracted himself from behind the wheel.

So many people over the years we were together had asked him why he refused to upgrade to a roomier car, he would shrug and make some excuse about not needing to spend the money on a new car when the Rabbit was in perfect working order, but I knew he kept the car due to purely sentimental reasons; not only had Jake rebuilt the engine single handedly from the ground up, but that little red car was also where we had shared our first kiss as teenagers.

The Rabbit was a part of our history, and like an extension of Jake himself.

I took in his appearance as he stood straightening his limbs, probably in some attempt to regain circulation to his extremities after having them in such a cramped position during his drive from La Push. Jake looked almost the same as the day I had left La Push but on closer inspection I noticed his eyes lacked the luster that I was used to, they were heavier and darker, like he was lacking sleep; his face was also missing its trademark smile.

Seeing him like this, crushed me, Jake was always the energetic one in any group, he was always so full of life, but now he just looked wounded, his spirit broken.

The only thing stopping me from diving headlong into a bout of depression or from racing out and throwing my arms around his neck to ease his suffering, was the fact that I knew in a moment he would find my message and ring and that he would know the truth; so I stayed rooted to the spot, unmoving, unblinking.

Jake stepped away from beside his car holding a small bouquet of dried wildflowers in his oversized hands and I smiled at the gesture. I had always been the one who placed flowers on Charlie's grave, and now in my absence he was doing it for me. I watched as he lifted them to his face and inhaled the lingering perfume that the flowers still retained even after drying. A small smile curled the corners of his mouth and I wondered if he was thinking about me. It pleased me to think he might remember me with a smile rather than sadness.

A split second later though, Jake's nose wrinkled in distaste, his smile fell from his face as his eyes swept the cemetery grounds wildly. I knew then that he could smell that a vampire had been in the vicinity recently.

I'd never understood his aversion to what I had always found such an intoxicating aroma, but I recognized his reaction to my vampire scent in an instant. A low snarl erupted from his chest as he continued to advance towards the section of the cemetery where I had just been. I held my breath and waited to see how Jake would react to the threat he was now sensing with each pull of oxygen.

For the first time I doubted my plan and the level of my friendship with Jake and the safety it would afford me.

_Maybe this hadn't been such a good idea after all_.

_No, Jake wouldn't hurt me._

_If he knew it was me hiding from him, he'd be ok. _

_He just didn't know it was me. _

_Please stay in the car Edward_, I chanted repeatedly in my head, knowing he was – as per our agreement-listening to my thoughts as well as Jake's.

_I've got this. I can see him calming, he's barely shaking now, he's under control. Please stay in the car. I love you and I'll see you soon._ I spoke in my mind, hoping to stave off a premature rescue attempt from Edward.

Anxiously, I watched as Jake's eyes continued to roam the frosty expanse.

A couple of times his gaze landed squarely on my hiding place and I wondered if he could sense my lingering presence.

Cautiously and silently I dipped a little lower to the ground, slinking further from his harsh piercing gaze. I was just inches from the ground now but I remained on the balls of my feet, ready to spring at the slightest warning that he was going to morph and attack- not to fight him, but to flee. I would not engage in a battle with my best friend. I would run if it came to that and save us both the heartache of ever physically having to hurt each other because of what we both were.

Jake continued to patrol the grounds with eyes narrowed, every leaf that stirred in the breeze caught his attention; every animal that moved in the trees earned a laser like stare from his deathly gaze. For several minutes he barely shifted his position, and I did not dare, do so much as breathe.

Seeming satisfied that he was not in any immediate danger-given the lack of an attack- Jake cautiously continued to walk towards my Father's grave, where I had stood just moments ago.

I watched him bend down and place the flowers on the ground at the base of Charlie's headstone, talking softly as if in conversation- I could hear him updating Charlie on the entire goings on since his last visit, about my disappearance, about how the investigation was going. I heard the heartache in his voice as he spoke. He moved on to talking about what was happening at La Push, how he was working on a new motorbike for Seth to ride, how Billy was sick with the flu and was whining like an old woman; and then lastly, I heard him whisper about how much he missed my Dad- his company and his advice, and how sorry he was for not keeping me safe like he had promised.

My heart felt like it was splitting in two, hearing how Jake was blaming himself for my disappearance.

_Look up Jake, look up Jake, look up and see my wedding ring. _I chanted in my head, wishing that my mind control could work with just my thoughts, rather than relying on spoken words.

Rising out of his crouch, Jake wiped his hands over his face, brushing away a couple of stray tears that I noticed had trickled silently down his cheeks. He stopped suddenly, half way through resuming his upright stance, as if frozen in place, before he reached his hand out and lifted the wedding band from the stony surface it was resting on, holding it gently in his oversized palm, as if it was made of glass and might break or disappear with the slightest touch.

Carefully slipping the note out of the band he unfurled it and quickly read the sparse message that I had left him.

A smile broke across his face, it was brilliant, blinding, and I couldn't help but mirror it with my own wide smile. Light and life flickered and danced in his eyes once more.

If nothing else the trip had been worth it just to see Jake smile like that one more time.

"Well wadda ya know" he almost whispered to himself, but I heard his voice as clearly as if he stood beside me."I guess you found him huh Bells. I'm glad." He said softly.

I watched Jake tuck the note into his pocket, then he lifted the ring to his lips and kissed it, just as I had done, before sliding it a third of the way down his thick pinky finger before it refused to budge any further.

Staring down at the ring I heard him murmur to it, "Love you Bells."

"Love you too Jake" I whispered back automatically, unthinkingly, and his head snapped up to rest on the place where I was hiding. I knew then that he was well aware that I was there and he knew that I was the vampire that he had been sensing since his arrival.

" Bells?" He whispered, knowing I could hear him just as easily as if he was shouting.

"Yeah Jake." I answered remaining in the trees but rising from my crouch.

"Thanks for coming back and letting me know…" his voice softened and trailed off.

"I couldn't _not_ let you know Jake." I continued our hushed conversation. "You're my best friend."

"And you're mine." He whispered. "Always Bells… no matter what…"

Hearing those words tumble from his lips, I couldn't stand the distance between us any longer, I wanted to stand face to face with my friend one last time and say a proper farewell. Stepping from the trees, I peeled off my, sunglasses and wig.

Jake's poise faltered as I came into view, his knees buckling a little as the realization that I was really here struck home. I watched a single tear trail down his face as he took in my changed appearance.

"Always and forever." I answered him, letting him know that I would remember and treasure our friendship for all of eternity.

"Hey Bells" he greeted me just like always.

"Hey Jake." I greeted him back in the same familiar old way.

"So I take it you found Edward and that he finally gave in and changed you huh."

"Rose actually changed me." I informed him, chuckling as Jake's eyebrows just about shot off his forehead at the tidbit of information. "Blondie changed you? Didn't she hate you?" he asked sounding somewhat incredulous.

"Not as much as I thought. We actually get along pretty well now."

"It suits you, you know." he smiled. "I never thought I'd be complimenting a vampire, but it really suits you."

"Thanks Jake. Um… Jake?" I asked nervously, wondering how he was going to react to what I was longing to ask him.

"Yeah Bells?"

"Do you think I could give you one last hug?" I asked clamping my eyes shut as I asked the question, afraid to hear his answer.

"I'm not sure about that." He said slowly and I felt the sting of rejection, before I opened my eyes and noticed he was grinning wickedly.

"You kind of stink… no offence." He chuckled pinching his nose and waving his other hand around in front of his face as if to chase away my stench.

"Well you don't smell so crash hot yourself Jake, but I still want to give you a hug." I laughed relaxing as we slipped into our old pattern of teasing banter.

He smiled and opened his arms wide. "Of course you can give me a hug. Come here Bells."

Without a moment's hesitation I raced into his arms, throwing myself at his bronzed muscular frame, knocking him slightly backwards in the process.

"Wow you're pretty strong these days." He laughed, wrapping his arms around my shoulders and burying his head in my hair. "Your hair still smells the same… like strawberries." He whispered, and I was unsure whether he was talking to me or to himself.

We stood there for a couple of minutes, just holding each other, not speaking, words incapable of expressing what we were feeling and communicating in that embrace.

I glanced at our arms were they overlapped each other- my pale, hard, cold vampire complexion against his tanned blazing skin. I hugged him tighter, smiling into his chest, finding comfort in listening to his thrumming heartbeat, knowing that despite what we were- despite the fact that our very existence by definition made us mortal enemies- Jake and I had a love and friendship that transcended all of it. It didn't matter to either of us- we weren't Jake the human/wolf or Bella the newborn vampire, as we stood in this cemetery, we were just two friends saying goodbye to each other, wrapped up in each other's arms.

When we broke apart, I looked up into Jake's eyes; they were wet with unshed tears, a wistful look had replaced his earlier smile "As great as it is to see you Bells, you can't come back here again, the treaty…the pack…"

"I know Jake." I interrupted him, saving him the difficulty of having to warn me of the dire consequences I faced now that the treaty between the Cullen's and the Protectors was broken; and truth be told it wasn't only the broken treaty that would keep me from returning.

Though I was sure I would be safe around the pack now and into the future, I also knew what a vampire presence meant to the Quileute people. Even the 'vegetarian' members of our kind had caused an explosion in the number of young men who became members of the Protectors just because of their close proximity. With this knowledge I had vowed that I would never again return to Forks, I would not allow my selfish desire to see Jake or to visit my Father's grave condemn any other young men to having to go through the pain and confusion of morphing; I had seen firsthand how Jake had struggled with what he had become.

"I just wanted to let you know I was ok. I won't come back again. Promise." I sniffed a little hearing the words spoken aloud.

Jake breathed a small sigh and I wasn't sure whether it was in relief or sadness at hearing that I would never return.

I echoed his sigh but there was no doubt that mine was full of sadness. "Well I guess this time we really have to say goodbye, don't we."

Stepping forward, Jake wrapped his arms around me once more. "I hate goodbyes." He murmured, kissing my forehead before releasing his iron grip on me.

"Do you mind if I keep this?" he waggled his pinky finger at me, where my old wedding band now rested.

"That _was _the original plan" I smiled at him. "I'd like you to have it to remember me."

Reaching around to the back of his neck he unclasped the leather band that was lying snug against his throat. "I'd like you to take this then, to remember me." He placed the necklace in my hand and I noticed the small carved animal that dangled from the center of the strap.

"I made it." He explained as I gently touched my finger to the small wooden wolf. I marveled at how it was almost identical in color to Jake's shaggy coat when he was in his morphed form.

"I could never forget you Jake." I looked up into his big brown eyes, "Never. Even if I live to be thousands of years old."

"Bye Bells, love you." He said softly.

"Bye Jake, love you too." I whispered.

I watched Jake walk back to his car, a spring in his step that had not been present when he had made his way to Charlie's graveside earlier.

My visit had done that- it had given him peace of mind.

"Have a happy life. I'll be keeping tabs on you from a distance to make sure you do." I whispered, knowing he would hear me at this distance.

He turned and flashed a brilliant smile in my direction. "You too Bells. You too…" I watched as he strode the rest of the way back to his car, climbing in and slowly driving away.

As I watched his car disappear from view, I felt the heavy cloud I had felt for the past several months evaporate from around my heart and mind.

Despite feeling sad that I would never see Jake again I felt an immense sense of relief too. Everything was finally as it should be.

My conscience was clear.

Jake knew the truth; and I had been able to say goodbye to him properly.

I knew now, with certainty, that he would be ok, and that he would go on to find the happiness that he so richly deserved, and now so could I.

Securing the wolf charm necklace around my neck, I turned and ran down the road, my feet barely touching the ground. I felt like I was flying, floating, soaring- both physically and emotionally.

"And they all lived happily ever after." I whispered to myself as I thought about the future that lay ahead.

Despite my unbeating heart… I had never before felt more alive.

* * *

**My next story is in the works, and is titled 'Bella's Baby' it is an AH/AU story that I hope to start adding chapters to soon.  
**

**Thanks again for following my through this twilight human/vamp inspired fairytale.**

**Dee**


End file.
